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Old 19th July 2015, 03:03 PM   #46
chosen
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
I don't know if it's worth wasting my time in trying, I have tried already at least 2/3 times to arrange to meet up but to no avail, it makes me feel bad that I keep getting rebuked but she must have her reasons which of course I'm not privy too but what more can I do ?.
yes but you asked her to suggest a time and day, thats why you need to now take charge and suggest a day and time yourself.
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Old 19th July 2015, 03:16 PM   #47
ralfgarnett
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

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yes but you asked her to suggest a time and day, thats why you need to now take charge and suggest a day and time yourself.
I thought I was just being fair and giving her the choice of where to meet, but I cant just summon her to a meeting place I can only suggest, I wasn't demonstrative when lived together I don't want to come across as being that now or even get accused of being controlling or something whatever that entails.
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Old 19th July 2015, 10:01 PM   #48
chosen
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

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I thought I was just being fair and giving her the choice of where to meet, but I cant just summon her to a meeting place I can only suggest, I wasn't demonstrative when lived together I don't want to come across as being that now or even get accused of being controlling or something whatever that entails.
Yes you CAN suggest, suggest that you meet and name a possible day and time. Its the only way its going to happen, but maybe you are still delaying it for fear of what she may say?

I find it weird that 2 people who were married for so long cant just arrange a short meeting and discuss the future so that each knows exactly were they are. I would have done it many months ago.
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Old 20th July 2015, 09:52 AM   #49
ralfgarnett
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

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Yes you CAN suggest, suggest that you meet and name a possible day and time. Its the only way its going to happen, but maybe you are still delaying it for fear of what she may say?

I find it weird that 2 people who were married for so long cant just arrange a short meeting and discuss the future so that each knows exactly were they are. I would have done it many months ago.
I agree it is weird, I almost feel numb with fear about her, it's almost as if she has a power over me that she never had before, she hasn't implemented this it is in my mind, but I feel scared almost to face her, this is a very weird feeling because in 19 years we had peace and love and respect for each other and no problems and loved spending time together, I think if I was sat talking to a pshycologist he would tell me something along the lines that her leaving out of no where has shocked and damaged me to the point where I can barely function normally, so yes very weird indeed.
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Old 20th July 2015, 04:29 PM   #50
chosen
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
I agree it is weird, I almost feel numb with fear about her, it's almost as if she has a power over me that she never had before, she hasn't implemented this it is in my mind, but I feel scared almost to face her, this is a very weird feeling because in 19 years we had peace and love and respect for each other and no problems and loved spending time together, I think if I was sat talking to a pshycologist he would tell me something along the lines that her leaving out of no where has shocked and damaged me to the point where I can barely function normally, so yes very weird indeed.
I think the fear maybe in what she may say to you. At the moment you are clinging onto the slim hope that she will change her mind, but once she has again said no, you will have to let her go.
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Old 22nd September 2015, 05:52 AM   #51
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

Ralf, do you have a pet?

Maybe get one as it will give you something that needs your affection & attention & will remove some of the emptiness/loneliness in the house.

Just a thought as they have a great calming & soothing affect & provide companionship.
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Old 22nd September 2015, 09:24 AM   #52
ralfgarnett
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

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Ralf, do you have a pet?

Maybe get one as it will give you something that needs your affection & attention & will remove some of the emptiness/loneliness in the house.

Just a thought as they have a great calming & soothing affect & provide companionship.
Hi Melly yes I / we have 2 beautiful cats, one little boy one little girl and I love them both with all my heart they are a symbol of the love that my wife and I had for each other and for them, in fact I am going away quite soon and I am starting to get really stressed and anxious about leaving them behind even though a very kind family friend is going to come and check on them and feed them and change their water twice a day, I am almost fretting so much that I have even thought about cancelling my trip.
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Old 22nd September 2015, 03:41 PM   #53
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

I am almost fretting so much that I have even thought about cancelling my trip.

No way, Ralf. You need some time away. Your kitties will be fine.
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Old 22nd September 2015, 04:57 PM   #54
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

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I am almost fretting so much that I have even thought about cancelling my trip.

No way, Ralf. You need some time away. Your kitties will be fine.
Thanks LDT, I'm just not thinking straight at the moment, I am feeling very stressed and anxious this past few days, and I am really missing her and our life together, it was only 2 short years ago that we were with our Flemish friends in Flanders and we spent 10 great days in and around the Salient and the wonderful Heuveland, we rented a beautfiful little cottage and visited so many great places and had such a fabulous time together, in love, holding hands, being married and enjoying each others company so very much, Flanders was wonderful and the countryside was just stunning with golden corn fields and little white farm cottages with red tiled roofs, I know things are very tough for you too and I feel ashamed feeling so low in mood when yours and NDY situation's are far more worse than mine, you both seem to have enemies in your WS's where my WAW has gone ghost and is so quiet that she might as well be dead, in fact I wish I was dead right now.
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Old 22nd September 2015, 05:29 PM   #55
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Thanks LDT, I'm just not thinking straight at the moment, I am feeling very stressed and anxious this past few days, and I am really missing her and our life together, it was only 2 short years ago that we were with our Flemish friends in Flanders and we spent 10 great days in and around the Salient and the wonderful Heuveland, we rented a beautfiful little cottage and visited so many great places and had such a fabulous time together, in love, holding hands, being married and enjoying each others company so very much, Flanders was wonderful and the countryside was just stunning with golden corn fields and little white farm cottages with red tiled roofs, I know things are very tough for you too and I feel ashamed feeling so low in mood when yours and NDY situation's are far more worse than mine, you both seem to have enemies in your WS's where my WAW has gone ghost and is so quiet that she might as well be dead, in fact I wish I was dead right now.
I don't really believe in comparing situations that way. We are all going through different issues, but they are all difficult--at least at the moment.

I am going to try to forget my WH for now. I have a reprieve for a few weeks, as he agreed not to contact me until my b-day is over.

I think you should try your best to put her out of your mind, Ralf. Thinking about her is affecting your mood. Try to use distraction techniques when she pops in your mind. If thinking about your situation makes you wish you were dead, you should be trying really hard to get this situation out of your mind. Read a book, watch tv, go out with a friend. Distraction. Thinking about your past trips together isn't helping, my friend. Try to look forward to your upcoming trip and the great things to see and the fabulous food you'll eat.
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Old 22nd September 2015, 06:46 PM   #56
ralfgarnett
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

Thanks LDT I appreciate you trying to gee me along your very kind, but I am really not looking forward to it that much and don't really care if I go or not, she and I had the best holidays ever and nothing could ever get any where near what we shared and experienced together on our many wonderful trips, we would never of chosen touristy Spain it's just not our sort of place, I wish she was here and she and I were going to one of our special places together instead of where I am going without her, the only reason I have agreed to go there is because I have no history of going there with her so no memories to deal with, all I want to do right now is to go to bed, pull the covers over my head, take all my tablets, close my eyes, and never wake up again.
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Old 23rd September 2015, 05:09 PM   #57
Lindentree1
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Re: One year on the sadness and the stress.

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Thanks LDT I appreciate you trying to gee me along your very kind, but I am really not looking forward to it that much and don't really care if I go or not, she and I had the best holidays ever and nothing could ever get any where near what we shared and experienced together on our many wonderful trips, we would never of chosen touristy Spain it's just not our sort of place, I wish she was here and she and I were going to one of our special places together instead of where I am going without her, the only reason I have agreed to go there is because I have no history of going there with her so no memories to deal with, all I want to do right now is to go to bed, pull the covers over my head, take all my tablets, close my eyes, and never wake up again.
I hope you can make some new memories in Spain. I haven't taken a trip in a year and a half. I would love to go somewhere, but it doesn't seem likely right now. I hope you and your friend have a good time, Ralf. Spain seems like a very lovely place.
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