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Old 31st December 2008, 02:54 PM   #16
dave123
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

Hello, our situations sound pretty similar. I "hope" too but am moving on anyway. I am jealous of the success stories on here, but, at the moment the logical part of my brain wouldn't allow me to take her back.

Good luck for the future, make your life awesome, that is my plan anyway, it won't be easy but nothing worthwhile is.

Dave
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Old 31st December 2008, 04:57 PM   #17
912jws
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

Helen,

Thanks for your comments, I agree and having thought things over think I need to tell her that I saw the messages and get things out in the open, I have nothing to accuse her of as she was perfectly entitled to do what she wants, I just want her to know that it has hurt me all the same but that I want to continue going forward and don't want anymore hiccups in the future.

Dave,

Good luck with the the new year, sometimes you have to let go to get something back in some cases, keep moving forward and see where you end up, it's never easy but we end up surviving eventually

All the best

Jon
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Old 31st December 2008, 06:33 PM   #18
dave123
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

Thanks Jon. I know i'll be OK, and i'll start the year in a positive way. People on here are so nice to take time to help each other out. It's very refreshing!

Dave
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Old 31st December 2008, 07:17 PM   #19
Raymond
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

This is a difficult one Jon. You are now back together and are wondering what has been going on physically. This is perfectly natural as in your eyes you were still married to her.

My thought is to put it on the back burner for the time being and bring it up when the confidence between you builds up a bit more.

On the other hand there may be a place for asking her straight for healths sake. That is a reasonable thing to do which she should understand. It will help clear the air.

Raymond
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Old 19th June 2009, 06:44 PM   #20
IAN
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

hi numb i am going through the same kinda scenerio as you in this difficult moment in our lifes but i good to no that iam not a lone any more and there simular cases like mine so i have joined today to see what i can get and be useful to me to try and ask my dear wife to find a palce in her heart to forgive as it is so heart wrenching thing after being together for so long your help is muchly appreciated if you could give me some direction on here to help me to help you to get over this difficult moment in our lifes
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Old 20th June 2009, 01:11 AM   #21
Johnee S
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

My Wife and I seperated twice and once again reconsiling, however we are doing things a lot differently then the previous attmpts. Can't really go into massive details atm due to being over tired from 63 hour work week and 2 hours sleep last night... I'll post when I've slept enough
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Old 22nd June 2009, 09:45 AM   #22
Brotan
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

Yes, separated couples can get back together again and make a success of it. My husband and I were separated last year for just over 7 months before we got back together again - we had separated by more than 1000kms and it took a lot to get us back together. Its been almost 3 months now that we have been back together - our expectations seem to be more realistic this time and we are both working very hard on our relationship having been through counselling which was done mainly individually through emails because of the distance between us and our counsellor.

There were huge sacrifices on both our parts and a lot of trust to make it work (and a lot of hope when the doubt was huge) but it can be done. Three months is not very long when it comes to eternity with another person, but I do know that we will manage and our relationship is a lot stronger now - when one person has a hard time the other picks up for them which is not what was happening before.
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Old 3rd August 2009, 03:00 AM   #23
912jws
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

Hi Everyone,

Well things had been working out relatively well over the first quarter of this year, yes I have still been trying to put the thoughts of my wife with other people out of my head and obviously needed her to continue to build on my confidence in the relationship with a bit of TLC.
Things seemed to be going ok but in the last few weeks things have deteriorated rapidly from my wifes perspective in that she has switched off the love and affection and started going out a bit more than I like given how she treated me just before our split at the end of 2007, so much so that my gut feelings weren't good.
So I asked what was wrong a couple of weeks back and she came out with that I don't support her enough and that we seem to be getting back into the same rut as before. Going back to our split in 2007 my main issues were her overspending and my lack of trust purely because of the way she was acting at the time. Since getting back together we have run separate accounts and I agreed to give her a 1/3 of my salary towards household bills as that's all I could afford as i still have to pay 50% of the huge debts she left me with, I have also tried to be subtle in commenting on her spending habits as they are still a little excessive, so I do things like if you want to go on holiday then you will need to pay 70% as I dont have any more money free, doing this in the hope she understands she might not be able to afford it. Anyway she has said she requires more money of which I don't have any to give her, I have said we need to cut back on luxuries and reduce costs to ease her burden and take some of the pressure away but she doesn't seem so keen to make that effort, she has also taken a few K out of the joint account which i solely use and that has made me overdrawn and she has only paid back a small sum even though she took the money months ago
On the going out front she has been socialising quite a lot with her work colleagues which I have let her get on with as it was another area that forced the split the last time round. The only thing with this is recently she has been going out 2 or 3 evenings a week with the occaisional overnighter at 1 of 2 male work colleagues house who she claims are purely work colleagues. Again I don't like it but I understand sometimes when you want to go out and have a few drinks you need somewhere to stay. She has picked up on the fact I don't like it but I have not really been getting overtly paranoid like last time.
So after a little heart to heart 10 days ago I said that I would take over a bit more of the household duties ie. kids calendars etc and try and contribute a little more but it would be minimal as I just dont have any spare money, I have not exactly been slacking as I do loads anyway with cleaning/school runs/cooking dinner/entertaining kids etc but I though suggesting this would help.
She still seemed very dispondent and I said that you promised that you would not put us in the same position as last time and that we both need to continue to make an effort, otherwise if its not working the only option to her is that I leave again which she didn't even contest at all.
So the last week have been tense but I thought she was actually thawing out a little when she sends me an email whilst I was at work yesterday stating that it is not working for her and that we should call it a day
she said she was very sorry and didn;t regret us getting back together but it just doesn't isnt working. I just dont know what has brought this on as 7 weeks ago was our anniversary and she made a lovely photo montage of some old pics of the kids and us and said she would love me always. She still says she loves me but we work better separately than together, she even had the cheek to say that she is not there to make me happy
I dont know whether it is purely all the financial burdens she has put herself in and that I am not able to get her out of these that has caused her to break? perhaps she feels I can't support what she wants out of life and that I am no longer good enough which is a bit shallow, i mean even sending the email was very weak, I still have not had chance to talk to her properly since yesterday as I am working nights but I don't think it looks hopeful from her perspective. She may be right in that our relationship has run its course as I sometimes feel that I need more from her and feel resentful with regards to the money situation and that she doesn't seem that close?
I am still a little shocked, I obviously dont want the upheaval again in my life plus we have the kids to think about and its not fair on them, on the other hand I think maybe it is for the best, she hasn't exactly given me all the respect I deserved over some of the marraige and that I deserve to be treated better, saying that there is a part of me that knows she could give me what I want out of the relationship but I just dont think she has it in her anymore.
If I have to leave again now then I think that will be it for us as I am not going through all this again.
I'll try and have a proper chat with her tonight but the vibes I get are not good.

Wish me luck

Jon
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Old 3rd August 2009, 03:47 AM   #24
chosen
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

My husband and his ex, did have a one year seperation, which she wanted and he didnt, during this time he was, according to her, supposed to change, while she, according to her, didnt need to.
Needless to say, after they had got back together for a year, the marriage ended anyway ( she had an affair .)It takes two working on a marriage to make it work and not one.
However, good sometimes comes out of bad and I came out the winner cos I now have the best husband in the world,my children have the best step dad, and both he and I are REALLY happy after 4 years of godly marriage. We are SO blessed by God for this second chance.
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Old 7th August 2009, 10:42 AM   #25
Johnee S
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

Numb,

My Wife and I seperated twice in 14 years of marriage, this past Wednesday was our 14th wedding anniversary, we have been together for 16 years and heading for 17! I was prepared to live a new life with me and the kids and give her all the freedom she wanted away from me, it hurt a lot but I knew and still know I don't need her in my life to be happy, I desire her to be in my life to make it happier.

Many thought after what she had done (online long distance affiar) that there was no turning back. But she convinced me she wanted to be back home as a family husband, wife, and parents to our kids. While we decided to seperate i kicked her out of the home and took care fo the house, the kids, and still worked night shift at the time. It was brutal but it was done for 2 months. She at times would sleep over while I worked nights all though not to often.

I missed haing her in my life as did our kids; we all missed having her at home, but as long as she continued having that long didtance affair there was no way I was letting her come back home to live. she was welcome to be there she just couldn't live there. No one believed that love can overcome our problems, no one understood my strength and desire to see everything through. I just chose to move on knowing what I still felt; the whole expereince changed me forever. I am much stronger, more confident in myself, more awre of my surroundings, and a much better parent and husband.

I am with my Wife because I chose to be with her and she chooses to be with me. I no longer focus on the past and am steadily moving forward with our future together; our lives together have become much more deeper and fulfilling. It has been a bit bumpy at times but the good out weighs the bad in leaps and bounds. I feel our attitude and feelings have made the difference in making our relationship work and percivere.

My advice to you is to do as i had and redirect your focus unto you, get in shape, be social, see other people, be among friends and family. Do not allow yourself to be needy with her, direct that energy into you; she may come around once she sees you are taking better care of yourself but be consistant, don't call her every day telling her you love her and miss her. Instead you should wait for her to call you and keep it casual. Follow her lead and keep your eyes and ears out for suttle hints she may give you regarding her needs and wants with you and simply respond accordingly.

If she does not come around then at least you will be healthier and more confident to move forward in your life.
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Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that the other feels the same.
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Old 7th August 2009, 02:18 PM   #26
912jws
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

Well I had a fun evening yesterday, I needed to get some stuff off my chest and as she has not been around the last few days(out with work colleagues/friends and avoiding coming home) I decided to write her a mail basically telling her how she has hurt me on and off over the last 7 years and I didn't deserve it and that I deserved better.
I said that I had had enough and it was time to sort my life out once and for all.
Well I went to bed earlyish purely because I was knackered from my wife strolling in at gone midnight the same morning.
Anyway she followed me up to bed and launched into an attack regarding the email and that it was very hurtful and that I was basically saying that I hadn't loved her for the past 7 years after her first affair. I said that wasn't the case because if I didn't love her I would not feel this crap at the moment plus I had not seen one iota of emotion from her in the last few weeks, just that she needs to go out and socialise with her more important work colleagues.
She said that she no longer wanted me in the house and I said i am not going until she gives me back the money she owes me as I need that to pay a deposit etc on a new place, because she was extemely annoyed she said she was not giving me the money back which she agreed to to earlier in the week. Well I said then I can't leave then and she hit the roof threating to change the locks, call the police in front of our children(which really hurt and I was shocked) and get me evicted.
The thing is when we split last time she took me for granted and I am not allowing this to happen again this time, I have agreed to spend a couple of nights out of the house to give her space but I will head back Sunday as I need somewhere to sleep until I get myself sorted out.
I am disappointed at this whole outcome but I don't think she is going to change and she is not willing to put the effort in.
I dont want all this crap but I also dont want to walk away even more in debt and being taken for a ride, it's a shame as I do still love her but I have had enough and cant see a way forward.
As was said earlier it takes two to make this work and sadly there is only one.
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Old 11th July 2010, 07:19 PM   #27
Stags5064
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

I am separated for 1.5 months now, after almost 3 years of marriage and 5 years of knowing each other. I have read all the posts on this page and trying to find answers in all of them. Sadly, I have recommendations but now answers.

The separation cause was me. I lied to her about some things in my life which caught up to me. I am bi-polar and was not medicated at the time I told the lies. I am medicated now, but the damage has already been done. I moved out after much heart ache because it was determined that the constant arguing was not good for our 18 months old son. I want her back and looking for any source of hope I can hold on to.

Thoughts?

Stags5064
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Old 12th July 2010, 08:42 AM   #28
Wiggle
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

Stags,

Read DownTown's posts and I hope he posts here too. His ex-wife of 15 years was bi-polar.

Good luck,

Wiggle
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Old 7th December 2010, 12:02 PM   #29
russ1968
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

HI everyone,

I don’t mean to hijack this thread but it’s so relevant to my current situation!

My wife of 5 years told me she doesn’t love me anymore this happened about 3 weeks ago!

I asked her if she wanted some space and she said yes, I have moved in with my mum and dad we have two daughters together they are both under 5!!
She currently told me last Wednesday that she wanted a divorce and she didn’t love me anymore, but when I went there on Saturday she was talking about a long term separation to see if we are doing the right thing! She also said she needed some time because I was to controlling, since the split she has a new cell phone and spends most of her time on Facebook.

After last Wednesday when she said she didn’t love me I sent her a hand written not agreeing with her regarding the break up. This letter was delayed because of the snow fall the letter only arrived yesterday she then called me up asking if I had been having sex with anyone else or going out with anyone, she asked if I still meant what I said about doing everything I can to save the relationship and I said yes!

Anyway to all the people out there who have successfully fort for there Wife – husband, I need some advice? as I will do anything to keep my young family together!

My biggest concern is that she just wants to go out there and shop the market for other men to see if she can find a better replacement ?

I’m 42 she is 27

Any thoughts or opinions are welcome
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Old 11th July 2011, 04:12 AM   #30
Alone
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Re: Do Separated couples ever get back together??

Wow i know everything you guys are feeling right now. About month and half ago my wife dropped the bomb on me saying she didn't feel the same anymore and didn't love me. I was devistated by this news. She said it was all the neglect and lack of help as well as no affection to lead her to believe I just didn't care about her.

She decided to stay and try and work it out. And I tried to do everything different. Then I just became consumed with the thought of her cheating on me and began to snoop around and try and find out. She's never givin me a reason to ever think that but I became so I secure that I couldn't get past it and I was just making everything worse. I ended up pushing her so far away from me and she became so distant that we started to argue ovr stupid little things. She has become cold and distant. I can't even show or talk about any feeling anymore because she is just tired of my tears and saying I'm sorry.

We started to go to therapy but have separated since. She still wants to continue therapy and hopefully work this out. I pray everyday to get her back even though I feel like it just won't happen. She just is still so distant and I know I need to be patient bit her actions just show that she is not into this but she continues to want to go to therapy. I've done nothing to help the situation by continuously asking her to just Give me a chance and she keeps telling me to give space and time to figure this out. Ionia the hardest part is to be patient and I finally realize that. I just hope its not to late. I'm so hurt by this we've been together 11 yr married for 5 and I'm gonna whatever it takes to get her back and hopefully she will see that and give me that chance and let me back in...
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