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Old 3rd December 2011, 09:18 PM   #451
Forever
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Re: What can I do?

Sorry to say, but I think she is jealous also...I have felt that from the very beginning. Perhaps that is the real subtle reason why she does not wish to reconcile? If she did not feel "properly" loved because of some of your past behavior, yet you dote with abandon on your daughter with pure innocent love and affection...that would create a strong feeling of jealousy. Of course, she would never admit to it because she loves her daughter as well...but that is a separate issue.

If she can eventually get her life "ordered" in such a way that you would not be "needed" as much as you are right now, then she might come up with ways to put the skids on allowing for as much contact as presently is available. I hope I am wrong....

On the other hand, if you were a cold and aloof kind of dad...she would be all over that and resentful of it too...cant win.
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Old 3rd December 2011, 10:48 PM   #452
Sillyman
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Re: What can I do?

Hi all,

Thanks for your kind replies. As you may have guessed, I was very angry last night.

I find the insinuation about my motives very insulting. The child is my world - I want her to grow up balanced amid all this turmoil that she's at the centre of. As I said, anyone who deliberately takes away her innocence will have me to answer to - I will protect her to the death.

I don't think my w is jealous - she's very keen for me not to be excluded and I think she realises the importance a dad has in a woman's life, to making them able to build solid and successful relationships and be confident and well balanced.

I won't be too confrontational about it. It's probably just a flash on the pan.

SM
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Old 4th December 2011, 03:49 AM   #453
1aokgal
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Re: What can I do?

Dear SM..

Well said, dear, and it was likely said without her thinking. There are issues between you and misunderstandings can occur.

Don't be sensitive about her error in judgment. You speak here about your feelings for your family and the regret you feel about mistakes made. It is obvious you love the child. The best way to handle this now, is to let it just pass. You could also acknowledge her worry and gracefully accept her being over protective.
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Old 4th December 2011, 09:40 AM   #454
chosen
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Re: What can I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillyman View Post
Hi all,

Thanks for your kind replies. As you may have guessed, I was very angry last night.

I find the insinuation about my motives very insulting. The child is my world - I want her to grow up balanced amid all this turmoil that she's at the centre of. As I said, anyone who deliberately takes away her innocence will have me to answer to - I will protect her to the death.

I don't think my w is jealous - she's very keen for me not to be excluded and I think she realises the importance a dad has in a woman's life, to making them able to build solid and successful relationships and be confident and well balanced.

I won't be too confrontational about it. It's probably just a flash on the pan.

SM
Hopefully sm. It must have been horrible for you to be accused of such a terrible thing. Anyone would have been angry.
Even here we can tell that you adore your daughter and would never harm her.
You are so right in that a dad is vital in a little girls life, and that includes lots of cuddles kisses and appropriate touch.Keep up the good work.
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Old 4th December 2011, 11:00 AM   #455
Chamomile
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Re: What can I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever View Post
Sorry to say, but I think she is jealous also...I have felt that from the very beginning. Perhaps that is the real subtle reason why she does not wish to reconcile? If she did not feel "properly" loved because of some of your past behavior, yet you dote with abandon on your daughter with pure innocent love and affection...that would create a strong feeling of jealousy. Of course, she would never admit to it because she loves her daughter as well...but that is a separate issue.

If she can eventually get her life "ordered" in such a way that you would not be "needed" as much as you are right now, then she might come up with ways to put the skids on allowing for as much contact as presently is available. I hope I am wrong....
Yes, Forever. I agree with you.

Some Mothers can be extremely jealous of their Daughters.

If Mothers did not have a strong bond with their Dad in their childhood, then sometimes, these Mothers would try to deprive their children of what they had missed in their childhood.

Not that I'm saying that is what is happening to SM.

xxx
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Old 4th December 2011, 08:57 PM   #456
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Re: What can I do?

I think the thing was taken out of context when one is sensitive to criticism. She is over protective. So was I with the kids. When a couple is separated there are misunderstandings about the weather!

I am too simplistic to project jealousy on the concerned mom. It was a fluke, signifying nothing serious. He took offense.
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Old 18th December 2011, 08:37 PM   #457
Sillyman
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Re: What can I do?

Hi all,

Been a while. Christmas has been sorted and I won't be seeing my daughter - which was my choice. My w and her mother both said it would be ok for me to visit my in-laws' house on Christmas Day to see the little one, but I could tell it was not what either of them wanted.

I don't want my daughter to be in that sort of atmosphere, so decided I'd rather not cause it to happen.

My mother in law collared me today for a chat - the first time we have talked without my daughter being there. She reeled off all the ways I messed up - and even said she thought I'd slept with the OW. I looked her straight in the eyes and said 'I did not sleep with her'.

Then she said my father in law was heartbroken that my daughter is from a broken home.

I told her I've apologised, asked for forgiveness and that many men would have cleared off after the abuse I've had - but I will NEVER leave my daughter.

Anyway - we parted with a handshake.

I had already given up on the relationship. There is a mistaken belief about what went on with me and the OW which I can't correct. Sometimes you just have to accept you're beaten and that no amount of fighting will work.

My daughter is from a broken home, but both her mother and I are to blame. That's the fact.

SM
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Old 18th December 2011, 10:09 PM   #458
chosen
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Re: What can I do?

Sadly parents will almost always take their childs side, no matter what happened, and you dont know what you wife has told them either.The fact that your FIL is heartbroken isnt really your problem, you did all you could to save this marriage. I cant believe that any wife and mother would end a marriage for this, especially with a totally repentant husband who has tried so hard to make it work. She has made a stupid choice.
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Old 20th December 2011, 03:35 PM   #459
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Re: What can I do?

Hello,

So this is Christmas - looks like it's going to be the worst one ever.

I've put my daughter first - she doesn't need to be in a bad atmosphere on the most exciting day of the year. I so wish I could see her - but it's best that I don't.

I will miss her more than anything - and am strangely thankful I'm working. Glad to have something to take my mind off things.

Anyway, just wanted to thank you all for the kind words of encouragement and support you've given me this year. It has been truly wonderful - and I think a lifesaver at times.

I hope your Christmas is filled with happiness among people you love, and that you feel the joy you all deserve.

Once again, many thanks and a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all.

Best wishes,

SM
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Old 20th December 2011, 05:03 PM   #460
chosen
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Re: What can I do?

Sm I hope that despite everything it wont be as bad as you think.Spend as much time when not working with other members of your family or close friends. Next year it will be your turn to have your daughter!
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Old 20th December 2011, 10:10 PM   #461
Sillyman
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Re: What can I do?

Chosen,

Unfortunately all my family and friends are many miles away. My family was my life - but I lost them.

I'll keep busy on my own.

SM
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Old 25th December 2011, 02:08 PM   #462
Sillyman
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Re: What can I do?

Probably the worst thing about not having the family around on Christmas Day is....

You have to buy your own chocolate!

SM
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Old 25th December 2011, 02:21 PM   #463
bandit0000
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Re: What can I do?

SM i hope you re ok, thinking of
you xx
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Old 25th December 2011, 07:33 PM   #464
Chamomile
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Re: What can I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillyman View Post
Chosen,

Unfortunately all my family and friends are many miles away. My family was my life - but I lost them.

SM
Are you still in touch with your parents?
Am I over-reading into what you said?

I didn't particularly want to ask this as it may sound a bit nosey!

xx
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Old 25th December 2011, 07:35 PM   #465
Chamomile
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Re: What can I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillyman View Post
Probably the worst thing about not having the family around on Christmas Day is....

You have to buy your own chocolate!

SM
There are good aspects...or You hadn't eaten some dry Turkey dinner wearing some silly hats!
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