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Old 26th August 2014, 06:32 PM   #1
lindberg1927@gmail.com
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Disabled Guy and Wife's Dogs

Disabled guy and wife's dogs
I could really use some advice and opinions regarding a problem I am having. I am 62 and
100% disabled due to severe chronic pain. I was in two serious accidents and my neck was broken in 4 places. Additionally my right arm was partially severed and my right hip was shattered. I am in severe chronic pain and will be for the rest of my life. I have periods of time when the pain is so bad that I am bedridden for days or even weeks at a time. I take 30mg of OxyContin every 4 hours just to be able to function. The pain forced me to retire after teaching High School for 30 years. I stay at home and my wife works full time. I collect a full teachers pension and Social Security disability so I am financially secure. My wife is a dog lover and I am not. My wife has 3 dogs which require a lot of care while she is at work. I love my wife and try to help her with her dogs as much as possible. This can be difficult for me when I am having pain flare ups. One of her dogs has a serious heart problem and requiers medication every 3 or 4 hours. My wife recently planned a 9 day trip to visit her daughter on the West Coast and She asked me to care for her dogs. I was hesitant to do this but I reluctantly agreed. About a week before she was scheduled to leave I had a severe pain flare up. I was in horrible pain and unable to get around. I could not do the stairs and was basically immobile. I told my wife that I was in too much pain and that I could not care for her dogs while she was away. She told me that I would have to take care of the dogs because no one else was available to do it. after much arguing she agreed that I was too sick to care for her dogs and that She would cancel her airline tickets and stay home. A few days after she told me she canceled her airline tickets I found out from her daughter that she had lied to me and was still planning to go on the trip and leave me with the dogs regardless of how much pain I was in. I was furious and I told her that I would not care for her dogs under any circumstances because she had lied to me. I was in agony and I felt like my wife just didn't care. My wife told me that she lied to me because she thought I was trying to " Coerce" her and control her. Her daughter called me and berated me for not helping my wife. When I tried to explain the situation to her daughter she told me that I could take care of the dogs if I really wanted to and that I was purposely doing this to disappoint her. I love my wife and would do anything to help her. On this one occasion I was just ..too sick to take care of her dogs and I was labeled as the villain. Her daughter was furious with me. In the end We agreed to a compromise and she shortened her trip to 5 days. I am still taking care of her 3 dogs and I am still in terrible pain. I have to go up and down the stairs every 3 hours to take out and medicate her sick dog and it is brutal. During my wife's last trip to her daughters her dog that is very sick went into heart failure and I revived it. I am so angry about this situation. I try to do as much as possible to support my wife's dog hobby but on this one occasion when I was in too much pain to help her she ignored my concerns!
I feel so disrespected. Any advice or opinions on this would be appreciated!
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Old 26th August 2014, 08:32 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Disabled Guy and Wife's Dogs

Is it possible for you to sleep on the same floor as the dogs live so that you dont need to manage the stairs? What do you have to do to look after them? Is it just feeding and giving medicine?

Last edited by chosen; 27th August 2014 at 09:53 AM.
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Old 27th August 2014, 08:57 AM   #3
Raymond
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Re: Disabled Guy and Wife's Dogs

Chosen's on the right track finding creative answers.

I see dangers in the marriage of her being the nasty woman who has no compassion or you using guilt to control her. I know that is not the case but it could be a danger in this scenario. One can understand your pain and sympathise but one can also understand your wife's need to visit her daughter.

Creative ways will have to be found together to tackle this problem. Maybe they can be left in kennels or a friend can come in and relieve you by feeding them or something? It musn't affect the good marriage you have.
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Old 30th August 2014, 07:26 PM   #4
ronnoco
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
Re: Disabled Guy and Wife's Dogs

If you are financially secure, why not put an advert in the paper for a dog sitter for 5 days, pay someone £500 (you'll get lots of applicants), perhaps you could even make it a permanent arrangement, i.e. someone comes over once a day for an hour or so to do a stint with the dogs.

Let your wife screen the applicants, job done.

It's not right that someone in your condition is doing all these duties and revving dogs, that's ridiculous. You need a suitable compromise.
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