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Old 13th August 2014, 09:22 PM   #1
Tanikit
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8 years on

I know I posted here a few years ago about troubles we had been having. My husband and I did not celebrate our 8 year anniversary yesterday - this marriage has not improved. It is sexless and has been for years now. I have two beautiful little girls who I love tremendously and for that I am grateful, but my husband and I have so little relationship that I do not know what to do. We do not touch, we barely talk - certainly we cannot even broach any conflict issues and most of the time we do not even talk about the mundane things.

I find it hard to think of good things to say about him even though I know there are some because I am so hurt and so desperately lonely. He is hurting too and both of us are angry. We both have such different ways of dealing with things - he withdraws to an extent that no one can get in (not just me). I tend to explode and say whatever I am thinking and yet even when I am perfectly calm and quiet he still gets very angry (the quiet angry where he just refuses to speak at all and refuses even to acknowledge me - I am being constantly rejected, constantly ignored.)

My husband has a computer room where he spends almost all his time. I am happy by late afternoon having spent time with my children and got things done, but when he comes home I am dreadfully unhappy - it started with me beginning to hate weekends when he would be home and now I don't like having him here at all. To me it feels awful - he does not hit me, he does not shout at me, he just is eternally absent and eternally rejecting me and ignoring me and that does not seem to me something that I can explain - the silence in this house when he is here is deafening - and it really really hurts.

I do not know what he does on the computer. It could be porn, it could just be games or socialising or anything else. I know he is addicted and that he does not have proper talking relationships with anyone anymore - not even his children.

We have been to counselling and marriage courses and I have been to a psychologist. He is tired of this - he says it does not help and I do not think it helps either, but I also do not believe in giving up on marriage - I feel some duty to him and I know despite all the problems that me leaving would hurt him and hurt the children in one or other way too. The problem is that staying is hurting us both too and the children. There seems to be no solution to this.

I am reading Disappointment with God. I am deeply disappointed in a lot of things - but most particularly in my marriage. And I wish I knew what to do because up to now nothing we have tried has worked - nothing. We just seem unable to connect and perhaps we are both unable to see what is really wrong or we do not want to fix it if we could see it. It is deeply disappointing.
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Old 13th August 2014, 10:10 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: 8 years on

Are you part of a good church?
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Old 14th August 2014, 08:36 AM   #3
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: 8 years on

A key could be to find out what he is doing on his computer, the thing that takes most of his time. If it is porn it will be mental adultery which can easily drive a wedge between a married couple. It can be addictive if it is that.

Ask God to expose what it is so that you know where you stand. Jesus did allow divorce for sexual immorality. I'm rushing ahead of myself. It might not be that but I think it is important to find out.

What happened last time you were on here so that we don't go over the same ground?
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