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Old 21st September 2014, 05:52 PM   #211
ronnoco
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I wonder if they only way to possibly her get back is to let her go and hope that live teaches her that a life without you, isn't the life she wants. I think she has become disillusioned by what love is.

It may take 2 or 3 months, maybe more but I wonder if no contact is the answer here. Complete cut off.

You would find it very hard, especially knowing that emotionally and mentally she isn't well but it might be the fix.....it's a tough one.
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Old 21st September 2014, 08:07 PM   #212
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ronnoco View Post
I wonder if they only way to possibly her get back is to let her go and hope that live teaches her that a life without you, isn't the life she wants. I think she has become disillusioned by what love is.

It may take 2 or 3 months, maybe more but I wonder if no contact is the answer here. Complete cut off.

You would find it very hard, especially knowing that emotionally and mentally she isn't well but it might be the fix.....it's a tough one.
yes sometimes you have to let people go for their good and for yours.
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Old 22nd September 2014, 10:35 AM   #213
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I agree with you both, thing is I miss her and love her and pray that we can sort it out but she isn't budging one bit, tells me she loves me as a lovely person but not the same way she loved me in our wedding photos.
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Old 22nd September 2014, 02:06 PM   #214
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Not feeling too good today, had stomach cramps in the night and it's left me feeling a bit down today and is making me miss her more and I hate Mondays anyway, but have been to see my good friend the vicar I enjoy his company very much and like talking with him, he thinks that may current troubles are all part of gods plan for me and some how everything will work out ok for me, cant see it myself if god loves me as my friend says he does then why is he making me suffer so badly at the moment ? I just don't get it.
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Old 22nd September 2014, 02:35 PM   #215
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
I agree with you both, thing is I miss her and love her and pray that we can sort it out but she isn't budging one bit, tells me she loves me as a lovely person but not the same way she loved me in our wedding photos.
Where does the Bible say that if our love for our spouse changes we can end the marriage? Much of the love that we have for our spouses is as a close and intimate friend and companion.
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Old 22nd September 2014, 02:39 PM   #216
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Not feeling too good today, had stomach cramps in the night and it's left me feeling a bit down today and is making me miss her more and I hate Mondays anyway, but have been to see my good friend the vicar I enjoy his company very much and like talking with him, he thinks that may current troubles are all part of gods plan for me and some how everything will work out ok for me, cant see it myself if god loves me as my friend says he does then why is he making me suffer so badly at the moment ? I just don't get it.
Umm ralf, Is not HIM who is making you suffer is it. Its the fact that you wife has left you, which is NOT what God wants. Dont blame God for what someone else has done, especially when she is disobeying God by leaving you anyway. God doesnt want you alone and sad, but He cant force her to do anything. What He will do is bring some good out of it in the end. Hard to see now of course. They may well be bad consequences for her in the long term because she has no reason to be leaving you.
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Old 22nd September 2014, 04:47 PM   #217
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Where does the Bible say that if our love for our spouse changes we can end the marriage? Much of the love that we have for our spouses is as a close and intimate friend and companion.
Hi Chosen that's exactly what I think and feel.
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Old 22nd September 2014, 04:49 PM   #218
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Umm ralf, Is not HIM who is making you suffer is it. Its the fact that you wife has left you, which is NOT what God wants. Dont blame God for what someone else has done, especially when she is disobeying God by leaving you anyway. God doesnt want you alone and sad, but He cant force her to do anything. What He will do is bring some good out of it in the end. Hard to see now of course. They may well be bad consequences for her in the long term because she has no reason to be leaving you.
Yes your right again, she is making me suffer not god.
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Old 22nd September 2014, 06:21 PM   #219
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Yes your right again, she is making me suffer not god.
Almost all of our suffering in this world is due to others sin or our own sin and mistakes.
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Old 23rd September 2014, 08:52 AM   #220
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I have woke up this morning having a panic attack, I really feel like picking up the phone and telling her how much I miss her and how much I love her and how much this is destroying me but if I do that I wont get anywhere with her as today is one of her busiest days of the week
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Old 23rd September 2014, 09:34 AM   #221
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Panic attacks are a result of stress. Remember what I said about using a paper bag over your mouth and nose and breathing in an out a few times. It REALLY helps.
I dont think that ringing her will help, as you did that the other day and it didnt achieve anything. I think you need to know where you are to be honest.
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Old 23rd September 2014, 03:27 PM   #222
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Thanks Chosen you are very kind to me, I don't honestly know if I have a paper bag in the house I am sure I must somewhere will dig one out and keep it by me just in case, with regards knowing where I am I already know that I am currently up the creek without a paddle and destined to stay that way until A. she pulls her finger out and bucks her ideas up or B I lose total patience and completely cut her out of my life, no visits, no meeting up, no coming round, nothing just nothing just me against the world finding out what being alone is like after 20 years of being in a once lovely relationship with my once caring, loving, beautiful wife, who is now a pale shadow of the woman I have just spent around 7300 days and nights loving and being with.
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Old 23rd September 2014, 04:37 PM   #223
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I feel for you ralf. A marriage break up is a horrible thing, especially when its sudden and unexpected.
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Old 23rd September 2014, 09:30 PM   #224
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

i just wish I didn't feel so bad, so sad, so scared, so needy, one of the things that hurts me the most is the fact I don't recognise emotionally someone with whom I have spent so much time and affection on and with, why is she doing thiss to me how can she be so cold and callous, does she think this is the way to deal with this, what planet is she living on ?, what happened to her she was fine and now I don't know her any more, I don't want to be so needy any more
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Old 23rd September 2014, 10:33 PM   #225
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Men especially find the gap left by a women very hard to deal with. I know several men who jumped straight into another relationship/marriage very soon after their wife either died of after a divorce. Its not wise as they are merely trying to fill that gap, which is probably why so many second marriages fail.
It takes a long time to adapt to being alone after being married for a long time. It was years before I felt I had any future at all after my marriage suddenly ended. It was different for me because I had three children(2 teenagers/1 young adult) but that was extra pressure for me because of trying to help their pain and be both a mum and dad to them. I didnt have time or opportunity to grieve or mourn properly, whereas maybe you have too much time.
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