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Old 5th May 2015, 02:12 PM   #61
ralfgarnett
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
Yes, I got a lot of that as well. I don't believe her (well, not now that she's spewed quite a few horrible things at me).

If your wife has made contact then that's good. Keep your responses minimum. Please, no pursuing. I know you will be tempted but don't go down that path. Play it cool and let us know how it goes.
I am pleased and proud to say that all through this sorry situation we have not said anything to each other that we could regret and I fully intend keeping it that way, and don't worry there is no pursuing, no begging, no pleading, no lovey dovey I miss you baby claptrap, I replied politely and professionally to the first e-mail she then replied in the same manner and apologised for a mistake over the insurance she had made, but I wont be replying to that e-mail as I have nothing worthwile to say and all I would be doing would be writing to her for the sake of it and im not going to waste my time doing that I am not even slightly tempted, the metaphoric contact ball is now firmly in my court.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 5th May 2015 at 05:54 PM.
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Old 5th May 2015, 02:13 PM   #62
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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There is no pursuing, no begging, no pleading, no lovey dovey I miss you baby claptrap, I replied politely and professionally to the first e-mail she then replied in the same manner and apologised for a mistake she had made but I wont be replying to that e-mail as I have nothing worthwile to say and all I would be doing would be writing to her for the sake of it and im not going to waste my time doing that I am not even slightly tempted.
Well done. That's good. Really good. Well done you.
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Old 5th May 2015, 03:18 PM   #63
ralfgarnett
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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Well done. That's good. Really good. Well done you.
Feeling a bit jittery though I would still love her to come back and for our marriage to be working again, I don't honestly know what to do next I guess there isn't a lot that I can be doing really, I mean if you don't see each other and there is hardly any contact how do you re-pitch yourself ?, how do you get yourself back in her shop window so to speak ?, I want her back and I want the opportunity to get her back but how on earth do I do that ?, I have tried being nice, I have tried being elusive, nothings worked as yet, we will soon be at 10 months apart that's a long time but not that long compared to just over 19 years together, what should be my strategy or my next plan of action, does complete mystery and silence actually work in winning someone back ?, because that is my goal in life to win her back, do I wait and see what happens and hope an opportunity presents itself I mean what do I actually do next?, come on brain don't pack up on me now just when I was starting to like you..
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Old 5th May 2015, 03:29 PM   #64
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Feeling a bit jittery though I would still love her to come back and for our marriage to be working again, I don't honestly know what to do next I guess there isn't a lot that I can be doing really, I mean if you don't see each other and there is hardly any contact how do you re-pitch yourself ?, how do you get yourself back in her shop window so to speak ?, I want her back and I want the opportunity to get her back but how on earth do I do that ?, I have tried being nice, I have tried being elusive, nothings worked as yet, we will soon be at 10 months apart that's a long time but not that long compared to just over 19 years together, what should be my strategy or my next plan of action, does complete mystery and silence actually work in winning someone back ?, because that is my goal in life to win her back, do I wait and see what happens and hope an opportunity presents itself I mean what do I actually do next?, come on brain don't pack up on me now just when I was starting to like you..
I would say the strategy is get yourself strong. Look, there is no doubt in the world she still thinks about you. But she needs to take this journey on her own. Your job is to sort yourself out and just let her get on with it. If she decides to come back then you will want to be at your best, no? I know how hard it is. I've just seen pictures of us from a holiday a few years ago when we were all much happier. It's gut wrenching but there isn't anything I can do to change her mind. Only she can decide to do that if that's what she wants.
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Old 5th May 2015, 04:05 PM   #65
ralfgarnett
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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I would say the strategy is get yourself strong. Look, there is no doubt in the world she still thinks about you. But she needs to take this journey on her own. Your job is to sort yourself out and just let her get on with it. If she decides to come back then you will want to be at your best, no? I know how hard it is. I've just seen pictures of us from a holiday a few years ago when we were all much happier. It's gut wrenching but there isn't anything I can do to change her mind. Only she can decide to do that if that's what she wants.
I get you mate, and I know you know how bad it all feels, I feel for you too mate your going through the grinder too, its just that I feel so hopeless and that I should be doing something practical to try and save our marriage, its still nagging away at me because I am convinced there was nothing wrong in our marriage and that something just got to her and I still swear MLC I would put my house on it that's how certain I am about it, all the classic MLC symptoms are there, if I had your e-mail address I would mail you an mp3 audio that I have that sums up exactly almost word for word what WW sat down in tears and told me last summer it's uncanny as if he had been sat in the room with us taking notes.
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Old 5th May 2015, 04:19 PM   #66
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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I get you mate, and I know you know how bad it all feels, I feel for you too mate your going through the grinder too, its just that I feel so hopeless and that I should be doing something practical to try and save our marriage, its still nagging away at me because I am convinced there was nothing wrong in our marriage and that something just got to her and I still swear MLC I would put my house on it that's how certain I am about it, all the classic MLC symptoms are there, if I had your e-mail address I would mail you an mp3 audio that I have that sums up exactly almost word for word what WW sat down in tears and told me last summer it's uncanny as if he had been sat in the room with us taking notes.
Ok, two things.

Sorting yourself out IS the best thing you can do right now to help save your marriage. I know it's difficult. I feel exactly the same some times but I know for sure that the only thing I can do is keep my distance, sort myself out and that's that. If it rebuilds the attraction then fantastic. If not then I'll still be the better man for it.

Second, I'll PM you my email later tonight when I'm not at work. But I bet if I had time I could easily predict what she said. It's remarkable how similar the 'Its over' talks are. Remember I got the ILYBINILWY speach? There is actually a BOOK with that title. That's why it's known as the script.
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Old 5th May 2015, 05:32 PM   #67
ralfgarnett
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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Ok, two things.

Sorting yourself out IS the best thing you can do right now to help save your marriage. I know it's difficult. I feel exactly the same some times but I know for sure that the only thing I can do is keep my distance, sort myself out and that's that. If it rebuilds the attraction then fantastic. If not then I'll still be the better man for it.

Second, I'll PM you my email later tonight when I'm not at work. But I bet if I had time I could easily predict what she said. It's remarkable how similar the 'Its over' talks are. Remember I got the ILYBINILWY speach? There is actually a BOOK with that title. That's why it's known as the script.
Yep you got it the mp3 does touch on that script but so much more, if nothing else it helped me to at least try to understand what was going on in WW mind, I have listened to it many times and it never fails to hit home with me almost the precise things she was telling me a few weeks after she left, I can still see her now telling me all this crazy stuff about imagining her own death and family dying, its crazy stuff but so accurate it's unreal.
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Old 5th May 2015, 05:58 PM   #68
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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Yep you got it the mp3 does touch on that script but so much more, if nothing else it helped me to at least try to understand what was going on in WW mind, I have listened to it many times and it never fails to hit home with me almost the precise things she was telling me a few weeks after she left, I can still see her now telling me all this crazy stuff about imagining her own death and family dying, its crazy stuff but so accurate it's unreal.
I think you should continue on as you are--NC and working on you. I think you're doing the right thing. Emailing her before didn't work. So now you're doing something different for the last five weeks. I wonder if a part of you feels stronger now.
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Old 5th May 2015, 07:02 PM   #69
ralfgarnett
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

StarryD I have been thinking about your post on and off today and I know you didn't mean to but the more I think about it the more you have upset me, you are kind of making out that I have no respect for my wife because of where she grew up, let me tell you I love and respect my wife very much and I loved and respected her parents too, her mum was a nurse and her dad was a machine operator in engineering, they were hard working people all their lives, they were generous, loving and welcoming towards me at all times and I will be forever grateful for all they ever did for us and I wrote to her mum last year to tell her so, with regards my wife I am no bully or brow beater and her background was and still is totally irrellevant to me in every respect she is a fine hard working woman and the kindest most thoughtful person I have ever known in all my life, had her upbringing been an issue then I wouldn't of married her would I ? and we were happily married for 17 years had I been the opinionated pompous bully that you are kind of making me out to be then we wouldn't of been so happy for so long, my wife is no fool in fact far better educated than me and with a degree, I was always very very proud of her and loved her very much I still do and think I will do until the day I die, my wife and I truly loved each other and I would never of said or done anything at all to upset her in fact even now I would rather die than do anything to hurt or upset her even in our current situation, I just needed to get this off my chest as it has upset me so much I am once again in tears typing this post, but please do me a favour will you ?, find where I wrote about her living arrangemnts for me will you please ? as I want to edit it out completely because whatever I said I shouldn't of and I really wish you had brought it to my attention before now, btw I just read your original post and I can see you have been involved with some real charmers, but not all men are the same and I am quite offended, I'm not like any of them or done anything that they have done to you and I am feeling quite annoyed with you that you are judging me as a total stranger I am nothing like those men you have been involved with and would never do any of those things they did .

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 5th May 2015 at 09:13 PM.
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Old 5th May 2015, 07:15 PM   #70
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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I think you should continue on as you are--NC and working on you. I think you're doing the right thing. Emailing her before didn't work. So now you're doing something different for the last five weeks. I wonder if a part of you feels stronger now.
Hi LDT I don't feel very strong right now I'm having another low moment due to the above, I hope your ok though.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 5th May 2015 at 07:56 PM.
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Old 5th May 2015, 07:56 PM   #71
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

Ralf, I found the post StarryD mentioned. I copied it on the last page of your original thread.
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Old 5th May 2015, 08:05 PM   #72
ralfgarnett
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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Ralf, I found the post StarryD mentioned. I copied it on the last page of your original thread.
Tnaks LDT do you know what date or post number that was please ?, when you reply please can you delete your post too so there is no record of it.
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Old 5th May 2015, 08:12 PM   #73
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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Tnaks LDT do you know what date or post number that was please ?, when you reply please can you delete your post too so there is no record of it.
Looks like you found it since it's been deleted.
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Old 5th May 2015, 08:13 PM   #74
ralfgarnett
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

Found it and removed it, and as I suspected I was having one of my rare angry moments, please could you remove it off my thread now LDT thanks for your help glad to of got that sorted
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Old 5th May 2015, 08:14 PM   #75
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Re: The rolling waves again and again when will it end?

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Hi LDT I don't feel very strong right now I'm having another low moment due to the above, I hope your ok though.
I hope you feel better soon, Ralf.
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