Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

[notDoneYet]

And reset. We have just had one of the best interactions in at least 6 months. Wtf? Ok, I spoke to her first but it was light and funny, like we used to be. Not serious at all. Not really a temp check. Not in the slightest.

[ralfgarnett]

Originally Posted by notDoneYet

And reset. We have just had one of the best interactions in at least 6 months. Wtf? Ok, I spoke to her first but it was light and funny, like we used to be. Not serious at all. Not really a temp check. Not in the slightest.

Sounds like she is all over the place

[notDoneYet]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

Sounds like she is all over the place

Yes, most likely. But I kinda temp checked her. And to think just an hour ago I wanted to kill her. No expectations.

[ralfgarnett]

Originally Posted by notDoneYet

Yes, most likely. But I kinda temp checked her. And to think just an hour ago I wanted to kill her. No expectations.

Keep up at this rate of progress you might be offered the chefs special

[notDoneYet]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

Keep up at this rate of progress you might be offered the chefs special

No expectations mate. None.

[Lindentree1]

Originally Posted by notDoneYet

And reset. We have just had one of the best interactions in at least 6 months. Wtf? Ok, I spoke to her first but it was light and funny, like we used to be. Not serious at all. Not really a temp check. Not in the slightest.

Be careful. This hot and cold thing makes me suspicious. She could be trying to manipulate the situation, like she did with S9.

I'm not saying she's a bad person, but you yourself said you don't recognize her lately. As long as she's in the thick of the A., everything she does should be viewed with caution, IMO.

[notDoneYet]

Originally Posted by Lindentree1

Be careful. This hot and cold thing makes me suspicious. She could be trying to manipulate the situation, like she did with S9.

I'm not saying she's a bad person, but you yourself said you don't recognize her lately. As long as she's in the thick of the A., everything she does should be viewed with caution, IMO.

You are 100% correct LDT. I'll be cautious. Persute/distancer and all that.

Hey, NDY, sorry I took a couple of days to get back to you.

The whole 'regain respect while ignoring her behaviour' part is difficult. So yes I was suggesting you tell her those things I wrote (to her face or in the e-mail you were originally planning to send) so that you could point some of this stuff out.
As it stands she is viewing you as a wall/constant reminder of her wrongdoing, between her and the OM, which will come with great resentment toward you. Maybe telling her that your being back in the house is absolutely nothing to do with stopping her living her life or continuing her affair, and everything to do with spending as much time as possible with your son in his home environment before everything turns upside down in his world more so than it already is. Point out that your words to her regarding her disrespect have nothing whatsoever to do with you trying to hang on to her in any way, or hold her back, that you only care about her now in so far as you have to because of the fact that she is the mother of your child and always will be. That it is important to you that HE doesn't witness her blatant disrespect as you and he are the innocent parties in all of this, if she wishes to vent her frustration or spew venom in any way whatsoever, feel free, but not infront of your child as he is your only priority now. That you are moving on in life and are becoming happier with yourself and feeling optimistic about the future, and her behaviour regarding the OM is of no concern to you unless it impacts the vision your child has of his parents and how men and women should be treating eachother. Play down her disrespect toward YOU alone as much as possible so that she can see s9 is your only concern and not her disgusting behaviour or what she chooses to do with her life.

Also I agree with Lindentree. It's a game of tactics right now, not just for you but for her aswell. So be very cautious as you don't know which path she will choose to try out next. If one thing isn't going in her favour, she will change direction and try another approach. Stay on guard and don't let her chip away or knock back any of your new found confidence, you are doing well and if this is something she dislikes she will be trying her damnedest to switch the deck back to her hand.

[notDoneYet]

Originally Posted by StarryD

Hey, NDY, sorry I took a couple of days to get back to you.

The whole 'regain respect while ignoring her behaviour' part is difficult. So yes I was suggesting you tell her those things I wrote (to her face or in the e-mail you were originally planning to send) so that you could point some of this stuff out.
As it stands she is viewing you as a wall/constant reminder of her wrongdoing, between her and the OM, which will come with great resentment toward you. Maybe telling her that your being back in the house is absolutely nothing to do with stopping her living her life or continuing her affair, and everything to do with spending as much time as possible with your son in his home environment before everything turns upside down in his world more so than it already is. Point out that your words to her regarding her disrespect have nothing whatsoever to do with you trying to hang on to her in any way, or hold her back, that you only care about her now in so far as you have to because of the fact that she is the mother of your child and always will be. That it is important to you that HE doesn't witness her blatant disrespect as you and he are the innocent parties in all of this, if she wishes to vent her frustration or spew venom in any way whatsoever, feel free, but not infront of your child as he is your only priority now. That you are moving on in life and are becoming happier with yourself and feeling optimistic about the future, and her behaviour regarding the OM is of no concern to you unless it impacts the vision your child has of his parents and how men and women should be treating eachother. Play down her disrespect toward YOU alone as much as possible so that she can see s9 is your only concern and not her disgusting behaviour or what she chooses to do with her life.

Also I agree with Lindentree. It's a game of tactics right now, not just for you but for her aswell. So be very cautious as you don't know which path she will choose to try out next. If one thing isn't going in her favour, she will change direction and try another approach. Stay on guard and don't let her chip away or knock back any of your new found confidence, you are doing well and if this is something she dislikes she will be trying her damnedest to switch the deck back to her hand.

Thanks StarryD. I did exactly as you said above. this prompted an email trail between us and, well pretty much everything you say above I said as well specifically about S9.

Interestingly when she came home last night I approached her (not about R issues, just arrangements for the weekend) and she was ok. We had a good interaction for quite a while. Chatting and joking. It was lighthearted just like the old days. I'm not reading into it or anything but I had to post it earlier as I haven't seen THAT version of my W for a very long time.

So thank for that advice. For the first time in months I was relaxed in my own home. It doesn't really change anything and the A is still ongoing but it's a small step in the right direction.

[ralfgarnett]

Morning mate hope your ok, what are you up to today got any plans ?.

[notDoneYet]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

Morning mate hope your ok, what are you up to today got any plans ?.

Hi ralf

I'm seriously debating with myself wither to go out tonight or not. I'm about 60% out.

[ralfgarnett]

Originally Posted by notDoneYet

Hi ralf

I'm seriously debating with myself wither to go out tonight or not. I'm about 60% out.

If you feel like it go for it you work hard enough, I'm out lunchtime for a couple of hours but not sure if its a good idea or not, not been feeling too god for a few days had headache and a bit of an upset stomach keep feeling a bit queezy but I don't like letting my mate down he likes escaping from his stbxp, might go give it a try I can always come home

[ralfgarnett]

Morning NDY hope you had a good night out, any plans for today mate ?.

[notDoneYet]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

Morning NDY hope you had a good night out, any plans for today mate ?.

Morning mate.

Last night not so good. WW said about taking S9 away next month for a couple of days. On Father's Day. She doesn't get/care how that pi*ses me off.
Today I'm taking S9 to the theme park. Roller coasters are out thing.

[ralfgarnett]

Originally Posted by notDoneYet

Morning mate.

Last night not so good. WW said about taking S9 away next month for a couple of days. On Father's Day. She doesn't get/care how that pi*ses me off.
Today I'm taking S9 to the theme park. Roller coasters are out thing.

Sorry to hear that mate she sounds very calculating, try and have the best day you can today it might take your mind off things if only for a few hours, I know how it feels I have had to contact WW this morning over something and must admit I don't like doing it the whole dynamic of my perception of her has completely changed, but go and have a great day with your lad I hope the weather holds for you, it's gone very dark down here not sure what it's going to do and I have to go to ALDI and I don't want to go but I have too, whenever I go down there is always feel as though I'm going to bump in to her and it makes me nervous for some reason.