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Old 25th December 2011, 06:32 PM   #166
Sillyman
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Lisa,

I'm good thanks. Had a nice chilled day, relaxed and quiet. Missing my family - but it's not pain, just glad my daughter is among people she loves and who love her.

Don't know if I'm being missed - that's not up to me. Hope so though.

Good thinking time too - made some decisions in my head as to what's next. Time to draw a line under all this. Give my w her freedom - its what she needs to be happy.

SM
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Old 25th December 2011, 06:34 PM   #167
1aokgal
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Re: Do I have any hope?

You are a very gracious lady. True, I feel you have been very wronged and I wish better for you.

If the girl does come...I think that will be very difficult to keep her from picking up on the climate there. A 15 yr old is pretty smart. It seems you will be covering his tracks to make him look good. It will feel worse for you because you will want this time to be real...and it isn't real ...but pretend.

Take some time for yourself. I do know some of us came from marriages we asked little....and got little. Then when it was over, we found love again with a better man. When love is so fleeting with someone.....you have to beg to be cared about...it is no good. That is not how love should go at all.

There are men out there with great hearts who know how love really should be for the woman. Such a man is worth everything. Generally, they also will STAY married and never say the word divorce under any circumatances. You found the wrong one.

Today..make it as good as it can be for yourself. I really think the week of hosting his daughter will not go well unless you are a GREAT actress to mask your turmoil and upset feelings that he is not the man you thought him to be.

don't be his therapist because that is not a good basis for a marriage. if he is a broken person..he will continue that path. why should he damage your life as he has others? I'm glad he seems to gain nothing. Yes, what is charm? Sure makes me wonder what we see in a man sometimes.

I once had a fancy with an Exboyfriend of short duration...no physical relationshi..just a big infatuation but it could have carried me into a poor situation. . I got into him from the 1st impression look. He could have been the ONE except I figured him out before it went too far. He probably died now of Cirrohsis of liver, as he sure loved his booze. Since looks go fast with drinkers, I bet he didn't keep his good looks either. I'm glad I blew that one off in short order, because my husband of 31 yrs has a glass of wine and a few beers occasionally. I might have ended up with that one for life if I had not looked for clues. Emotions can carry us into rocky places.

Have a nice holiday. You are thought about and we care.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 25th December 2011 at 06:40 PM.
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Old 25th December 2011, 06:37 PM   #168
bandit0000
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 400
Re: Do I have any hope?

[QUOTE=Sillyman;68340]Lisa,

I'm good thanks. Had a nice chilled day, relaxed and quiet. Missing my family - but it's not pain, just glad my daughter is among people she loves and who love her.

Don't know if I'm being missed - that's not up to me. Hope so though.

Good thinking time too - made some decisions in my head as to what's next. Time to draw a line under all this. Give my w her freedom - its what she needs to be happy.

SM

So glad you're ok.

Glad you are making decisions, It seems quite a while for your W to have not found another relationship if she is definitely over you, that puzzles me.

Lisa
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Old 25th December 2011, 06:41 PM   #169
Sillyman
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Lisa,

Neither if us have the time for someone else. It's part of what did for us in the first place - no time for each other.

SM
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Old 25th December 2011, 06:42 PM   #170
Chamomile
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 816
Re: Do I have any hope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit0000 View Post
Its actually my cat, my baby

The day has not been too bad at all really, he came to my Brothers for Xmas lunch and my family were brilliant. As per my request they just acted normally and welcomed him with open arms, which I know would have been so hard for my Mum & Dad as they are so upset for me, particularly my Dad, he is heartbroken for me. Hope you are having a good day too. x
Hi OHHHHhhhhhhhh How so Sweet!!
Mine wasn't too bad either, thank GOD xxx Hope you scored some nice prezzies.. xXx

You mean..You told your parents? I would have thought it was a bit premature?
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Old 25th December 2011, 06:45 PM   #171
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post
You are a very gracious lady. True, I feel you have been very wronged and I wish better for you.

If the girl does come...I think that will be very difficult to keep her from picking up on the climate there. A 15 yr old is pretty smart. It seems you will be covering his tracks to make him look good. It will feel worse for you because you will want this time to be real...and it isn't real ...but pretend.

Take some time for yourself. I do know some of us came from marriages we asked little....and got little. Then when it was over, we found love again with a better man. When love is so fleeting with someone.....you have to beg to be cared about...it is no good. That is not how love should go at all.

There are men out there with great hearts who know how love really should be for the woman. Such a man is worth everything. Generally, they also will STAY married and never say the word divorce under any circumatances. You found the wrong one.

Today..make it as good as it can be for yourself. I really think the week of hosting his daughter will not go well unless you are a GREAT actress to mask your turmoil and upset feelings that he is not the man you thought him to be.

don't be his therapist because that is not a good basis for a marriage. if he is a broken person..he will continue that path. why should he damage your life as he has others? I'm glad he seems to gain nothing. Yes, what is charm? Sure makes me wonder what we see in a man sometimes.

I once had a fancy with an Exboyfriend of short duration...no physical relationshi..just a big infatuation but it could have carried me into a poor situation. . I got into him from the 1st impression look. He could have been the ONE except I figured him out before it went too far. He probably died now of Cirrohsis of liver, as he sure loved his booze. Since looks go fast with drinkers, I bet he didn't keep his good looks either. I'm glad I blew that one off in short order, because my husband of 31 yrs has a glass of wine and a few beers occasionally. I might have ended up with that one for life if I had not looked for clues. Emotions can carry us into rocky places.

Have a nice holiday. You are thought about and we care.
Thank you very much, that is good to know

He is nice looking to me, my friend however cannot see it, but not an adonis or anything lol. I would say we are pretty evenly matched really.

I do appreciate what you say x
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Old 25th December 2011, 06:48 PM   #172
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile View Post
Hi OHHHHhhhhhhhh How so Sweet!!
Mine wasn't too bad either, thank GOD xxx Hope you scored some nice prezzies.. xXx

You mean..You told your parents? I would have thought it was a bit premature?
I know, I kinda regret it but the day he told me I went and stayed there overnight as I was so shocked and upset, he seemd very final and I basically thought that was it. Plus when it happened to me before over Xmas I did not tell a soul and it nearly killed me to be honest.

I got some lovely pressies, thank you, glad you day has been ok xx
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Old 25th December 2011, 07:41 PM   #173
Chamomile
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit0000 View Post
I know, I kinda regret it but the day he told me I went and stayed there overnight as I was so shocked and upset, he seemd very final and I basically thought that was it. Plus when it happened to me before over Xmas I did not tell a soul and it nearly killed me to be honest.

I got some lovely pressies, thank you, glad you day has been ok xx
Hi

You sound like a very sweet person. Yes, I entirely understand your sentiment.

You had to get it off your chest. It's highly understandable..You must have been shell shocked by his sudden announcement. Your H sounds like he has a bit of emotional baggage..it would be good if he comes to some senses and he admits that he had been all wrong. I admire you're handling this setback very well. It's good to see love, patience and compassion towards him. Your H is one lucky man.

Glad that you had lovely presents xxx
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Old 25th December 2011, 07:52 PM   #174
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Thank you so much, I do think if i am doing the right thing, a lot, but I can only do what I think is right. I hope he comes to his senses too, I never had a H before and kinda hoped I could hang onto him a lot longer than I have. I would like to think I'm a nice person, but obviously I know I have played my part and must be a pain in the bum sometimes too. He has a lot of emotional baggage I feel and I can only try my best, if that isn't good enough then he obviously was n't the man for me xx
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Old 25th December 2011, 09:45 PM   #175
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

I need some advice please, today I have noticed H on his mobile phone texting a lot. Now it may just because its xmas and lots of people are texting or it may not. Now the 180 says no snooping etc but I really want to ask about the texts. Should I ask or keep quiet? Thanks, Lisa.
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Old 25th December 2011, 10:16 PM   #176
Sillyman
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Thought about doing the same thing - see how he reacts?
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Old 25th December 2011, 10:23 PM   #177
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Well I have been texting a lot myself today lol. He is sat at the side of me texting so surely it would nt be dodgy?

When i was texting yesterday in the kitchen, he stopped dead in the doorway and turned and walked back out, then came back a minute later and said, have you finished texting, I didn't want to interrupt, think he thought I was up to something lol. Going to hold my tongue a while longer.
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Old 25th December 2011, 10:56 PM   #178
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Well too late, I opened my mouth! I didn't say much apart from you seem to have been on your phone a lot today? He said he didn't mention when I was on mine a lot. So just said I understand you want to finish things with me, but don't take the "mick" out of me, to which he replied hes not. Thing is I have this horrible sinking feeling probably blown any chance now as its re-iterated his reason for wanting to leave, but I am not prepared to put myself through a week of hell pretending in front of his daughter if he is texting another woman. I really want to have it out with him now, time is running out
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Old 25th December 2011, 11:15 PM   #179
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

SM, what do you think? I am really holding myself back, but I really just want to go and ask him outright, because if he is doing that I cannot live like this, the 180 rules go out th window. In my mind if he is cheating that is it, nowhere to go, it will kill me inside. I' m so sad now
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Old 25th December 2011, 11:30 PM   #180
bandit0000
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Re: Do I have any hope?

Well I have asked him to be fair and honest and tell me if he is in contact with anyone else, as it is not fair on his daughter to bring her here if he is. Thats probably wrong of me to do, but I have limits. Book or no book I need to know.
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