The female point of view
Hello all,
I am writing to get the other view of the biblical principles regarding marriage. I am 23 years old and in college right now in my third semester. I just had a short lasting relationship with a girl, I name her C here, which ended because of differences in opinions about how to lead a relationship before marriage and eventually marriage. Both of us were believers and still are.
The relationship lasted for three months, did not include sex, and was very exciting for me. I thought I had found the girl I was going to spend my life with. This conviction, however, lasted until I realized how different she was handling her spiritual life. When I became a believer, I always had the strong desire to read the word and understand it. I grew quickly during my first couple of steps in the faith. This eagerness to mature spiritually, getting to know God more and more and especially His will, has lasted until today. C, however, did not seem to have a similar eagerness for the word. She took her time and pursued her personal interests much more than pursuing her spiritual life, as it seemed to me. (Don't get me wrong here, personal interests are fine and important, but in my opinion should be second choice for us believers. Being in fellowship with our creator is much more important for our lives than going after our passions or dreams.)
This difference, of course, caused differences in opinion concerning what a relationship and eventually marriage should include. In our three month relationship we did read scriptures a lot. Of these meetings, I was the initiator because I wanted to make sure that we have a common spiritual basis in our time before and later for marriage. We also came quite close bodily. This means no sex, but long kissing and hugging on bed which came close to petting. We never aroused each other to an orgasm or touched our privates. This, I know now, was mainly because of me. I didn't want to sleep with her until we actually got married and moved in together or we could be sure, at least to certain extent, that we would go well together for a lifetime. For me sex belongs into marriage.
Now it came to the point where she wanted more. She wanted sex, but I didn't. I told her that my refraining from having casual sex with her was a service to my God with my body, yet it didn't get through to her.
With this other things naturally came up. Talking about sex begs for the question of kids and contraception. I mentioned the first explicitly and the second was only implied on her part. Never before have I thought about these two things more than in the past months. For me it was important to find out what God thinks. This I wanted to think and live out in a relationship and finally marriage.
What I found out was that God sees a married couple as under a yoke. This picture implies that those under it go the same direction on the path of life. This means unity in life's affairs, in the spiritual sphere as well as in any other. Even though this picture seems clear to me, I am still not sure how this would look practically.
The other element is family, children. I believe that God's original intention for husband and wife was not to be together having sex just for the pleasure of it. Of course, sex is pleasure, but is not intended to be exceptionally for our own gratification. But contraception does just that; it degrades sex to a mere means to satiate our lust. It blocks out the possibility of kids because they are unwanted. I believe this is not in the mind of God.
Now here come my questions for you women out there. Since C turned me down after I divulged her my convictions concerning sex and marriage, I am wondering how it was with you when you met your husbands. Did marriage mean family to you then, or did this sink in only after some years? How do you (practically) understand the picture of a yoke Jesus uses to describe marriage? How do you understand God's word in regard to sex and its place?
Where does marriage start and how would you support your viewpoint with the bible (does it start with sex or an official ceremony)? Does a marriage necessitate living together in one place? If yes, can we find it in the bible? How would you react, imagining being about my age, if you found a guy like me attractive but soon discovered he has these funny convictions?
I know, a lot of questions, but I am interested in you women and how you think and feel about these matters. Especially when you were at the start of your own life, lets say after age 18 or so, because that is where many things fall into place for a lifetime.
That's it for now. Hope I didn't overwhelm anyone. I am glad to share my experiences and thoughts with you in the hope to hear you out.
Regards,
Jonas
P.S. Sorry, I didn't look if some of my questions have been discussed in this forum. If so, simply tell me and I check it out. Don't bother to reiterate any thought that has already been typed here!
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