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Old 7th November 2007, 01:30 AM   #1
Zax
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Sex and marriage problems

I have been married for 10 years, and we have one child. Over the years the frequency of sex has decreased. At this time it is down to about twice a year. I am not always looking for intercorse. I would be happy with oral sex or even using sex toys and other sexual related things. When I ask my wife about this, she says that she is just does not want sex. I ask her to let me use the vibrators with her. She has always enjoyed this, but says she is not interested in that either. She says that she is never horny anymore; however, she masterbates with her sex toys about once a week. How do I know? We keep our sex toys in a drawer, and I have ways to tell when the draw has been opened. I have not told her I know she masterbates. Before I was married I did not have a lot of sex. I did not treat it lightly and only had sex with girls I cared about. I found out that my wife basically had sex with anyone that asked when she was younger. I guess I feel cheated since I basically "saved" myself for meaningful relationships. I enjoy sex but do not know what to do. Any advice?
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Old 7th November 2007, 03:46 AM   #2
confused10
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Re: Sex and marriage problems

Am pretty much in a similar position .my wife does not want intercourse .but likes to be masturbated only....i am fed up

Any other men having similar issues
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Old 7th November 2007, 08:33 PM   #3
Liz
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 662
Re: Sex and marriage problems

Hi Zax

You aren't alone in your problems, but there are some articles on the site here.

Have you been able to talk to your wife and try and find out why she's not being open with you? It sounds as if you have developed some no-go areas for communication and need a heart to heart. Perhaps a bit of romancing and relaxing together without having to have sex might help a bit.

All the best

Liz
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Old 8th November 2007, 07:18 PM   #4
Raymond
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Re: Sex and marriage problems

A very wise answer.
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Old 11th November 2007, 10:11 PM   #5
Lanzo
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Re: Sex and marriage problems

Hi Zax.

I’m very sorry to hear about your problems, but I would just like to take the point of Liz about communication a little bit further. Your wife’s lack of intimacy could be her way of communicating her dissatisfaction with the marriage especially if she has felt has spent years trying to talk to you and realised she wasn’t getting through. You on the other may feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with your marriage apart from the lack of sex.

I would suggest you try and drop you requests for sex (for now) as your wife may feel pressurised and just listen intently when she speaks. You may pick up some clues, ie if you feels she nags when she talks and you switch off, she may actually be trying to express her need to you , so listen, listen, listen when she talks. Also the romancing etc which Liz talks about would be a good start, but if you do this, it shouldn’t be done with sole purpose of getting sex, it should be all about making her feel good about herself and your marriage.

Your worst case scenario could be that she doesn’t want sex with you because she is getting it from elsewhere. You’ve already highlighted that she masturbates on her own, well another man could be a possibility, but I sincerely hope this isn’t the case in your storey.

Take care and work on you marriage.



Lan
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Old 13th November 2007, 06:06 AM   #6
Zax
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Re: Sex and marriage problems

Thank you for the responses. I'll go over some things you all have talked about. First off we have talked about the sex issue, and as I stated it does not have to be intercorse. I would be fine with just kissing and heavy petting (sounding like a teenager LOL). She tells me she is just not horny, but then again I know she masterbates at least once a week. If she is seeing someone else, then she must be very good at it. I have investigated all possible possibilities. I am not going in to my methods, but I think I would have at least some indications of something. I no longer push the sex thing either. I have completly dropped it. I honestly think she has just lost interest in me, at least sexually. It really hurts when someone picks a vibrator over you.
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