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Old 19th March 2014, 06:54 PM   #16
luca3434
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 35
Re: Please Help..

We felt that after 4 sessions, we were able to meet the objective which was being able to talk. The councillor agreed with this. Much of our issue has been due to my wife feeling we have an unequal relationship, and that she was always carrying me emotionally, which must have been hard as she is already caring for our autistic son. I am starting to address these issues and am working away at them.
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Old 19th March 2014, 08:54 PM   #17
ronnoco
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
Re: Please Help..

Hello Luca,

A difficult situation and quite hard to know what advice to give, but I will do my best.

Firstly, I think you need to accept that there is no quick fix. It's not going to get sorted out asap like you want. You can't fix problems that have perhaps been underlying for a decade in just a couple of months.

Secondly, it's not your fault that you have anxiety and depression. You can't help the way you are. I know a women who is highly intelligent and qualified but suffers from severe worry and OCD.

You can however, make a choice as to what extent you are going to let this affect your life.

Regardless of what happens with you and your wife, things WILL be ok - they will, trust me on that. My wife left me unexpectedly 9 months ago and I am moving on with life in a positive way. Especially the relationship I have with my children.

I think you need to stop worrying about the ifs and buts and start thinking about yourself. How can you become a better person? Stop feeling guilty, it wont help. You can't change the past, you can only alter the future.

Invest in yourself. Take up a new hobby. Perhaps join a gym. The "feel good" endorphins alone will make it worth while. Try a new haircut, perhaps buy some new clothes. Invest in yourself.

On top of this, think about how you and your wife could have a better relationship. Perhaps you could make a list of all the things you would like to do and she could do the same and if finances allow, you could do one of those things each week or once a fortnight. I doubt there are many women that wouldn't want to go to the Theatre or out for a nice dinner. Try to rekindle the romance and the love. I know it's hard but perhaps try to not worry about the intimacy for now. It's not the bee all and end all.

In life, everyone needs to be happy within and I don't feel that you are. Your wife or someone else can add to your happiness but you must be content within your own skin. If you can invest and explore yourself, perhaps it may bring out a new Luca that you wife finds appealing. Think of this as the wake up call you need to change your life for the better.

All the best.
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Old 19th March 2014, 11:15 PM   #18
luca3434
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 35
Re: Please Help..

Ronnoco

Thank you for your advice - it has been a help to me.
Keep in touch.
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Old 31st May 2014, 04:55 PM   #19
man in need
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 13
Re: Please Help..

Hi Luca, read with interest.obviously situations are never the same, but I know the anxiety you feel about getting close to her again, she wont let you see her naked etc. I had this. I appreciate all the others have said. All I will say is, be her friend again.Marriage is about being a partner, lover and above all friend. Get her to talk about her day, show interest, obviously you have to change as well, in one post you mention being moody, been there!!!, I changed and have become a friend, then maybe the rest will follow. You have to ask yourself, do you still love her and want to spend the rest of your life together. Women I find don't want to start a new life unless they have to, don't want to throw away years and start again. But you must ask yourself what do you want!
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