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Old 2nd March 2014, 04:43 PM   #1
Vixen1980
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Unwanted Separation

Hi, I'm new around here but after ready a few posts I thought it was time to post my story in the hope that someone might have some advice.
I have been married for almost 5 years and thought we were happy then the day after new year my husband told me he was leaving me. He moved back to his parents. This was so out of the blue it flawed me. He said he had been unhappy for months but didn't know how to tell me and couldn't pretend any more.
I didn't see any warning signs and he has never expressed that he was unhappy.
He won't consider counselling as he says he has been working at it for months and nothing has changed ( how could it if i didn't know anything needed to change!)
He swears there is no one else but I am not sure I believe him.
We still talk most days but not about anything important the moment I venture there he gets defensive. He says he wants to remain friends but it is killing me.
I miss him everyday but I know I have got to let go I just don't know how.
Sorry if this is rambling i just can't articulate how I am feeling, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 4th March 2014, 02:29 PM   #2
John_agape
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Re: Unwanted Separation

Hi, You are not rambling, you just seem confused by irrational behaviour. It seems strange.

You say that he swears there is no one else and I don't believe him either. I'll give you the first thought that comes to my mind.

Has he maybe confused infatuation with love. When we are infatuated we have that intense buzz, but we can't live like that all our lives so sooner or later that infatuation is gone. Love grows and develops during our bonding under infatuation.

Infatuation is intense, but superficial. Then after the infatuation has dampened we are left with a deeper emotion, which is true love.

If he met someone and has fallen in lust, not love, he might have felt something he felt with you in the beginning of your relationship. He then thinks he doesn't love you any more, while he is really confused.

He sounds confused. Not prepared to consider counselling is strange.
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Old 6th March 2014, 02:33 PM   #3
ronnoco
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
Re: Unwanted Separation

John,

Your post here is brilliant. I think your explanation is superb and so true in many situations. I think this is what happened with my own wife to an extent.

I also think in life, some people don't actually know what they want. They get married have kids, move on to someone else and repeat the process.

I think these people are often not happy within their own skin. The are looking for someone to make them happy. Perhaps deep rooted issues have affected them more than they know.

Vixen posted the same post twice. Unfortunately, there was someone else as you and I suspected....happens so often these days :-(
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