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Old 17th November 2010, 01:27 AM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1
been married four months and arguing

hiya new to all this,

just wanted some help really.
Been with my husband for 2 and a half yrs been married for four months seem to be arguing 90% of the time little silly disagreements.
I've started counselling three weeks ago to tallk about my crap childhood of sexual, emotional and physical abuse whils in foster care. Just feels like these days my passion level is low i feel down all the time and i'm just unhappy..god sounds so depressing.
daisy72 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2010, 05:12 AM   #2
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Posts: 5,794
Re: been married four months and arguing

Its good that you are going to counselling to help you with the abuse, and maybe the two of you could also go together to a marriage counsellor. It may be just lack of good communication and the need to understand the different ways that men and women operate.

There is actually a common thing that is apparently happening these days for couples, where the whole build up to the actual wedding day is so major and huge, that after the marriage there is a sense of a let down and a 'well what now 'sort of feeling. My friends daughter had this and got a bit depressed for several months after their wedding, and she found out that it is fairly common these days, because the big day is the only focus for a year or so before it, and no thought is given to the actual marriage after that.
I have also heard that the early days of marriage can be a stressful time as both spouses adapt to living togather and being committed.
Are you able to talk to your husband about your past?
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th November 2010, 09:14 PM   #3
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: been married four months and arguing

Part of it may be adjusting to each other Daisy. Different expectations etc. It does come after a while but you have to work at it a little. You can build a great marriage when you do it on purpose, but it does take two.

The sexual abuse will be a problem if it is still affecting you. I was also sexually abused for about two years as a child by a man who was supposed to be looking after us. It was awful. I don't know how I survived it because we had no one to turn to. There were others but I think I got it the worst as he seemed to make a beeline towards me. Fortunately I don't appear to be scarred by it but I think it is worse for a woman. A kind of robbery.

You will know that you are healed when you forget about it but if there is something still there then maybe there is still work to do. I would recommend christian counsellors if possible. That is only my opinion as all the healing I have is connected to christ, most of it without counselling as it happens. I think it is a self esteem thing where one feels soiled goods or that one deserved it etc. All of these kind of things are just lies because you have a lot of value. A ten pound note is still worth ten pounds whether it is crumpled or not and is worth straightening out.
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