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Old 20th October 2010, 07:18 PM   #1
vadimb26
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Exclamation what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

Hi. My wife asked me to divorce her and i said ok. we both committed adultery on each other while were married. now we r both christians, only she doesn't want the husband to be in charge of the family. i became christian. we divorced about a year ago. we have 2 kids. what r my options? do i have to reconcile with her if she wants to, or do i have a choice , or i can't because we both committed adultery while we were married. or i can stay unmarried, or if i can remarry? what r my options? by the bible.
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Old 20th October 2010, 07:46 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

vadim
If you ask 20 Christians what the Bible says about divorce and remarriage you will get 20 different answers. My husband and I are both divorced because of our ex spouses sexual immorality.
I am not quite clear on what you are saying. Did you divorce after you both became Christians? Does she want to reconcile now? What do you feel that God is saying to you?

My personal understanding of the Bible after much reading and learning, is that divorce is allowed for certain reasons eg for adultery,and that a divorce ends the marriage for good. I have heard of people getting remarried to each other, and that is an option, especially as you have children together.
However if she doesnt want that, then you havent got that option.Some people believe that the one who cheated isnt allowed to get married to anyone else, but if you have repented of divorcing and of committing adultery (which is extreemly serious) then God has forgiven you and He may or may not bring another person into your life.

As I said, there is so much disagrement on this subject, that its hard to know what God says, but divorce isnt the unforgiveable sin.

How long have you been divorced? Experts advise that you wait for 2-3 years after a divorce before you begin another relationship, and that is quite wise I think.
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Old 20th October 2010, 08:42 PM   #3
vadimb26
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

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vadim
If you ask 20 Christians what the Bible says about divorce and remarriage you will get 20 different answers. My husband and I are both divorced because of our ex spouses sexual immorality.
I am not quite clear on what you are saying. Did you divorce after you both became Christians? Does she want to reconcile now? What do you feel that God is saying to you?

My personal understanding of the Bible after much reading and learning, is that divorce is allowed for certain reasons eg for adultery,and that a divorce ends the marriage for good. I have heard of people getting remarried to each other, and that is an option, especially as you have children together.
However if she doesnt want that, then you havent got that option.Some people believe that the one who cheated isnt allowed to get married to anyone else, but if you have repented of divorcing and of committing adultery (which is extreemly serious) then God has forgiven you and He may or may not bring another person into your life.

As I said, there is so much disagrement on this subject, that its hard to know what God says, but divorce isnt the unforgiveable sin.

How long have you been divorced? Experts advise that you wait for 2-3 years after a divorce before you begin another relationship, and that is quite wise I think.
we've been divorced for almost a year. we both committed adultery against each other when we were married. do i have an option of staying unmarried? i think she might want to reconcile. is that possible to remarry each other again after we committed adultery on each other and got divorced? and do i have an option of staying unmarried, if i want to, since she was the one who wanted the divorce, and i didn't. we were christians when divorced. i was kinda relapsing back and fourth on drugs at the time, but i'm clean now for 8 months and christian. I wanna do the right thing which will please God.
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Old 20th October 2010, 08:53 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

You need to pray and ask God what he wants you to do. Can you go and talk to the pastor about it? Do you know why she wanted the divorce and now she wants to get back with you?
You do have a choice, Your marriage did end, and you dont have to get married to her again if it doesnt feel right to you, but you do need God to show you clearly what to do, and talking to mature Christians at your church who can pray with you, may help you to find out what it is He is saying.
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Old 20th October 2010, 10:03 PM   #5
vadimb26
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

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You need to pray and ask God what he wants you to do. Can you go and talk to the pastor about it? Do you know why she wanted the divorce and now she wants to get back with you?
You do have a choice, Your marriage did end, and you dont have to get married to her again if it doesnt feel right to you, but you do need God to show you clearly what to do, and talking to mature Christians at your church who can pray with you, may help you to find out what it is He is saying.
she divorced me because i was using meth and porn, and when we were still separated she cheated on me. than i think i cheated on her right before we got divorced or right after. But now i'm 8 months clean and i go to church, and i'm not sure if she wants to reconcile, she might be thinking about it cause i'm clean now.
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Old 21st October 2010, 02:36 AM   #6
chosen
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

Why dont you both go to see your pastor and talk about all of this, and you can find out what you both want to do. Have you stopped looking at porn?
You are both very new Christians, you have made many mistakes, but now you have a fresh start. It may be advisable to spend time growing as a Christian and being a good dad, and maybe the 2 of you can get some good Christian counselling together to see what your options are.
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Old 21st October 2010, 08:47 AM   #7
Raymond
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

I think it would be nice if you got back together as you are the children's mother and father and it could be a new start of putting the marriage on Godly principles so it would certainly be different. You are both new creatures in christ and to me that would be a completion. You really have to pray about it and get counselling. I am not aware of any legal reasons as it is a very unusual situation. God did see you as man and wife but the other has the right to end the marriage where there is adultery. That you both committed adultery rather confuses it. If you have both repented of that then you are back to square one in a way. If the only barrier is that she doesn't think the man should be in charge I wouldn't worry too much about that. You will both grow in christ and learn how a marriage can be in good time.

I think it is a miracle what's happened to you both. Very unusual. I cannot think but that God has some special purpose with you both together.

Chosen your thread just popped up before mine when I was finished so I didn't take in your points but I do agree with them. My you do get up early.

Last edited by Raymond; 21st October 2010 at 08:53 AM.
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Old 21st October 2010, 05:09 PM   #8
vadimb26
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

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I think it would be nice if you got back together as you are the children's mother and father and it could be a new start of putting the marriage on Godly principles so it would certainly be different. You are both new creatures in christ and to me that would be a completion. You really have to pray about it and get counselling. I am not aware of any legal reasons as it is a very unusual situation. God did see you as man and wife but the other has the right to end the marriage where there is adultery. That you both committed adultery rather confuses it. If you have both repented of that then you are back to square one in a way. If the only barrier is that she doesn't think the man should be in charge I wouldn't worry too much about that. You will both grow in christ and learn how a marriage can be in good time.

I think it is a miracle what's happened to you both. Very unusual. I cannot think but that God has some special purpose with you both together.

Chosen your thread just popped up before mine when I was finished so I didn't take in your points but I do agree with them. My you do get up early.
the question was if we're even allowed to reconcile since we both committed adultery, and than we divorced. Secondly, do i have a choice to stay single? And, thirdly, if i can possibly remarry someone else? And YES, i stopped looking at porn.

Last edited by vadimb26; 21st October 2010 at 05:15 PM.
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Old 21st October 2010, 06:13 PM   #9
chosen
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

yes Raymond,I was up early. My husband and I both have laryngitis so are ill and coughing a lot of the night. Ugh!!!
Thought I may make use of the time.
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Old 21st October 2010, 06:14 PM   #10
chosen
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

Go and see your pastor and get some godly advice. He knows you and can pray with you about this.
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Old 21st October 2010, 07:04 PM   #11
Raymond
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

the question was if we're even allowed to reconcile since we both committed adultery, and than we divorced. Secondly, do i have a choice to stay single? And, thirdly, if i can possibly remarry someone else? And YES, i stopped looking at porn.

Hi Vadim there is something wrong with the site as I couldn't see most of the posts until I used the reply button.

I think you can be safe in saying yes you will be allowed to reconcile. You have both repented of the past and have been forgiven and justified before God. I cannot see any justification from the scripture (which isn't really a rule book) for keeping you apart. I would say the opposite is true as you have two children between you. You will both grow in the grace that you have found in christ.

Although the new covenant is not really a rule book there are indications there on how we ought to behave which we will want to do if we know Christ.

Do you have a choice to stay single? Yes you have but is that the best choice for you? God will not force it. You have to sense what is right in your spirit after considering all the advice as well of course.

Can you remarry someone else? Same answer really. There are not rules for every situation apart from what is obvious sin. My advice is that you need God's best. A strong pull would be that the children have a mother and father together. I wouldn't make any quick decisions on it. You both need to grow and mature spiritually. The truth for you will become obvious if you are both following Christ.

As for the porn I didn't actually mention that but it is an obvious form of mental adultery which has no place in marriage or even outside of marriage in my opinion.

I really pray you find your answers and make the right decisions.
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Old 22nd October 2010, 08:39 AM   #12
Raymond
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

Sorry to hear you have not been well Chosen. I meant to reply but I was getting confused on this site. Things were not behaving and I thought it was the site but I used a different browser and things are okay now.

I hope you both pick up strength and benefit from the healing that he gives both natural and otherwise.
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Old 22nd October 2010, 09:18 AM   #13
chosen
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Re: what r my options-staying unmarried,reconciliation,remarry?

Thanks Raymond. I feel a bit better today, its not hurting me to speak so much but my voice is till hoarse(it nearly disappeared yesterday) My husband has had it much longer (9 days) and has had it worse with temperature, very sore throat and really bad cough. He has diabetes and his blood glucose is very very high(maybe be partly cos of infection), so he is seeing the nurse next week for more blood tests etc.

Vadim, you really need to get together with your ex wife, and maybe your pastor, and find out what she thinks. She may not even be interested in getting back with you, so you wont have that option, but she may, so you need to know that first before you worry about what your other options are.
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