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Old 20th October 2010, 04:58 PM   #1
pmsc69
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My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

Hi to you all.

A few months back I posted a thread stating that I had suspicions that my wife was cheating on. Asfter a few responses I kind of agree that I could just be paranoid and back off. I done this and gave her support in everyway she wanted including her own space, home decisions and all.

Well what a blow to the head. I was right. Sunday night gone, she looked and me and told me that she couldnt do this anymore, took off her wedding ring and put it on the table saying I dont love you anymore and I want you out by the end of the month. I asked her why and she said that she still loves me but not in love with me (no such thing). Then I asked if there was anyone else. She said no. Then I asked where she had been going to all this time and leaving our son home alone till the late hours. She said at girlfriends. So I left it at that and couldnt sleep all night.

At 5 in the morning she comes downstairs and shocked to see me awake. I tried to talk to her and she said it was all my fault, I done all the harm to the marriage. I got my son ready for school at and then my wife left for work.

When I was home alone I sat and wondered why the sudden change of heart. Then I done what I shouldnt have done. I checked her online mobile account and discovered that she has been ringing certain numbers hundreds of times a month. One particular number was called before she broke it up with me, during her telling me that she no longer loves me and after when she went to bed. So I called this number and a young guy answered it, sounded like he was in his early twenties. My heart sunk. I couldnt believe it. I texted her and asked her who the guy was if there was no one else. No response so i called her and she couldnt answer the question, then all she said was that he was a close friend and none of my business and that she does not have to answer to me. The close friend is a secret to everyone because as not I, the kids, friends or family know who this guy is. So I moved out in the same day. I couldnt be there after discovering that. However for the past two years and especially the last 12 months I had suspected she was cheating. Now its clear she has been and working things out she has done so several times. She works in a coffee cafe shop. There were times I walked in and guys were talking to her and she laughing but then goes quiet once she sees me and acts as if they were ordering.

The bit that really kills me is that unknown to me, for a few months she had been going out and seeing the guys and leaving our son home alone till 9, 10, 11 at night. I work evening from 3-11 and did not know. It kills me to find that out. Also, that she has been feeding hot dogs and burgers as a main meal everyday. She is dirty, his clothes are dirty and not looked after properly. On the day that we split, she left him alone till 10.30pm and was with the guy again. I dont even think he know of him.

I really dont know how to explain myself right now. I am in such a state that I wonder if it all was my fault. I know my hours were bad but never expected this. I had a feeling for a long time but allways thought it was just in my head. Clearly not and after 20 years I get this.

Allot has happened since and wondered if I done the right thing today. Also I think I should involve a family solicitor as this is twisted but I cant afford one as I declared myself bankrupt so that we could start afresh. Can Anyone advise me?

Many thanks in advance.
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Old 20th October 2010, 05:26 PM   #2
koliver0821
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Re: My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

First and foremost, START BY WORKING ON YOU AND YOUR SON. THAT's it. Your wife doesnt exactly deserve any attention right now. She was acting this way because she only cared about herself. How old is your son? If his clothes are dirty im guessing hes not old enough to leave at home for long periods at a time.

The next thing, move the F back in that house. END OF STORY. I'll add more. The truth of the matter is, you need to decide if you want this marriage to continue. However, in order to do so, you need to really work on you and your kids. That's it. Why should she get the house? Why should her life remain the same. She was the one that chose to go outside of the marriage. Let her go outside of the walls and find out what it really feels like to live on her own.

This next line isnt suppose to be a slap. Get a life. Do things. Go to the Gym. do things with your kids.
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Old 20th October 2010, 07:51 PM   #3
jools
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Re: My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

Sorry for what's happened pms - but for anyone reading this -- "paranoia" is merely your instincts screaming at you that something's wrong. If you feel like something is wrong and get the urge to check then it's because something IS wrong!
Jools XX
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Old 20th October 2010, 08:37 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

I am so sorry for what has happened, spouses are usually right when they suspect these things I find. Dont let her blame you, she cheated and not you. Cheaters will always lie, decieve and blame everyone except themselves.Its to aviod the guilt. She choose to cheat on you and act so badly not you.
I totally agree with koliver, you have no need to leave the house and should never have done so. If she wants to leave then let her, she isnt being a good mum anyway. Go back home and look after your son. I dont know how old he is, but if he under 10 or 11, he shouldnt be left alone in the evenings at all. I think it is illegal isnt it under a certain age? if anyone finds out he could be taken into care if he is under a certain age. See if you can get a job that is 9-5 so that you can be with him in the evenings and at night and be a good dad to him, he needs one good parent. Your wife has made her choice to cheat and lie and if she leaves then that is her decision.
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Old 21st October 2010, 01:16 PM   #5
pmsc69
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Re: My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by jools View Post
Sorry for what's happened pms - but for anyone reading this -- "paranoia" is merely your instincts screaming at you that something's wrong. If you feel like something is wrong and get the urge to check then it's because something IS wrong!
Jools XX
Thank you jules. At last someone understands paranoia. Thing is that fir some time I kept getting hurting feelings inside me that something was wrong. I now know that the hurting feelings are connected as today at 9:30 I was getting a huge pain in me only yo receive a call at ten saying that my wife had just made a complaint about me.

For god sake she had stolen my life away, how does she want me to react!?
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Old 21st October 2010, 01:19 PM   #6
pmsc69
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Re: My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

It's too late. Her actions sneers and provocations made me leave. If I had known I had every right though the rent was under her name only I would have stayed and changed the locks. This make me a bigger fool
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Old 25th October 2010, 02:49 PM   #7
pmsc69
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Re: My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

It's true what people say, no matter what the the women do, if they cheat or not they always win. What's the poin of having a fair system? This sucks and to think that no one cares about neglect! Omg
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Old 25th October 2010, 02:50 PM   #8
pmsc69
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Re: My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

Can anyone give me divorce advice in Barnet London. For a cheating spouse.

Many thanks
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Old 25th October 2010, 03:56 PM   #9
chosen
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Re: My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

pmsc69
I do know somethings about divorce having been through one myself and also meeting my now husband while he was being divorced by his wife. You can no longer divorce for adultery. You can divorce for unreasonable behaviour (which obviously includes adultery) and can do that immediatly. The other alternative is to wait 2 years after seperation and divorce then if the other spouse agrees, or wait 5 years if the other spouse doesnt agree.
You can divorce her for unreasonable behaviour being that she has cheated,, but the best thing may be for you to find a solicitor to advise you all of this.

In light on what she has been doing with reference to your son, I would ask the solicitor about getting custody of your son, telling him the situation of him being left alone at night.
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Old 25th October 2010, 07:52 PM   #10
pmsc69
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Re: My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

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pmsc69
I do know somethings about divorce having been through one myself and also meeting my now husband while he was being divorced by his wife. You can no longer divorce for adultery. You can divorce for unreasonable behaviour (which obviously includes adultery) and can do that immediatly. The other alternative is to wait 2 years after seperation and divorce then if the other spouse agrees, or wait 5 years if the other spouse doesnt agree.
You can divorce her for unreasonable behaviour being that she has cheated,, but the best thing may be for you to find a solicitor to advise you all of this.

In light on what she has been doing with reference to your son, I would ask the solicitor about getting custody of your son, telling him the situation of him being left alone at night.

Thank you for your response. I have mentioned all that and the NFA police record and social services report that she has beaten her daughter as a child but the solicitor didnt take any interest in it. To be honest, I think they may have been appraoched by her as no useful information was given at all. All I got was her rights and that if I had supported her for 20 years the courts would be in her favour if I cut off all finances. That sucks, how can someone who has thrown me out, done me harm, cheated on me, mentally abused my daughter and neglects my son have the rights to have me pay their bills. It doesnt figure.

As for the mental abuse, I had always wondered why my daughter behaved the way she did. It has only been recently that she told me of all the things that her mum had done to her, how she threw her out, hit her with objects and even waving a knife at her. In many ways she had done that to me but because I loved her so much I would take it not knowing she had done that to our daughter. Now I wonder why my son is quiet and slightly reserved when it comes to crowds, I just hope that he is not going through the same abuse as well as neglect.

It is strange how unfair the law can be. Im happy to support my son but not my now to be ex-wife.

This is what hurts the most. The mental abuse I am getting now, the cruel treatment, the not knowing and the neglect on my son and I have no rights!
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Old 26th October 2010, 12:39 AM   #11
chosen
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Re: My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

I would go and see someone else. In light of what you have said here,it does sounds as if he may be far better off with you. Get legal advice from another person. Are you from the UK?
You daughter could even make a statement, and if she was badly treated then its likely that he is being as well.
If you are from the UK, then all of the financial stuff will be sorted as part of the divorce process, and the childs needs will always be put first.You will definatelty have to pay maintenance for your son, if he remains with her, but everything else depends on the assets, her earnings, your earning etc and will all be negotiated during the process between her solicitor and your solicitor. You may have to pay some sort of spousal maintenance while your son it still a dependant, but you wont be liable for her bills after the divorce.

I do understand your frustration, as I know people among my family and friends who have been the one cheated on and yet who seem to have come out worse, but sadly life isnt fair. My husband was the same. His former wife cheated, divorced him, and still he was the one who had to leave his home and his sons and pay all the bills till they were divorced, and she demanded (and got ) their house, and he got nothing, but that was partly because he is such a nice guy and didnt want to fight it out and go to court. So I can honestly say, that I didnt marry him for his money. lol

Last edited by chosen; 26th October 2010 at 12:45 AM.
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Old 8th November 2010, 09:51 AM   #12
pmsc69
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Re: My Paranoid theory was right, wife was cheating

Thanks for the support. I have had my son some weekends and he loves it when he's with me but gets upset and goes quiet when I take him home. I am fighting to fix the problems with my children and won't give up till they are at least better cared for.

Due to her own doing the children services got involved and like always she covers up well but got caught out a few times. I hope they act on it. She stillwont give me my belongings and feels like she wants to hang onto them.

Last week my kids told me that she was out and for me to go round. When I went in everything was the same as if I was working there. My clothes still in the wardrobe, my draws still had all my bits in them, my shaver, personal belongings and all my tools pictures, figures and gadgets are still in the same places. You'd think she wanted me out so badly that she would have started to pack my stuff away or atleast throw them away but no. When I text her for my stuff she ignores it. She only replies if it's about having my son. I try to call but won't answer the phone too.

The bad thi g is that I still love her and miss many things about her. In a way I would take her back but in many ways I could look at her after all that she has done.

Can anyone explain the reasons why she is hanging on to my stuff?
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