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Old 23rd May 2014, 03:03 PM   #46
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Marriage In Tatters!

I suppose that when my marriage ended after 23 years I had three children still at home, in their teens and early 20's, so just didnt the have the time or energy to even think of myself in that way.
It was a lonely time, being the only parents and with little money.

What I have found out in life is that we do have to be proactive if we want to get involved in things and make friends. There are so many different organisations, hobbies, interests, groups and classes that are available for us today. People are crying out for volunteers drivers etc to help others. Do you have family? Friends you can do things with? Do you socialise with people at your work?

After 4 years alone I started on an internet dating site, and 2 years after that met my husband. There really is life after divorce and a better one at that, but it wont come knocking on our door.
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Old 25th May 2014, 07:37 PM   #47
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Marriage In Tatters!

Good advice by Chosen. I didn't know where to start. There is truth in what she says.

You know that we will suggest joining groups etc. Roy but it is vital to keep relationships as you have got isolated which isn't healthy. I have found that relationships are far more important than I at first supposed. I am talking about healthy relationships here. You need to make friends. Proverbs says that he that desires friends must show himself friendly. It is a lot of effort until it starts to flow more. Obviously you must choose your friends, yet at the same time you cannot be too picky until you develop confidence and then you will be able to choose better.

I heard in church today also from Proverbs that two are better than one for if one falls the other will hold him up. Ultimately marriage will be the answer but I don't think you can go from where you are straight there. You need to be able to relate to people a bit to get your equilibrium back. It will take a lot of work because of how you are. Broken, battered and isolated it seems.

If you find it hard use your up times to work at it. You will get up times. The ultimate thing is to have Christ in your life but I don't want to start preaching. It's just that that was what broke my isolated life for me. I have met so many wonderful people since that day including my wonderful wife who joined the church I was in.
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Old 31st May 2014, 10:33 PM   #48
ronnoco
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
Re: Marriage In Tatters!

Hello Roy,

Sorry to hear you are finding life tough at the moment.

Sometimes, we live life through rose tinted glasses - others will see things that we don't. Your defense mechanism can stop you seeing the wood for the trees. You don't want to rock the boat or jeopardise your marriage in any way and this can lead to being taken advantage of, being used as a door mat and being treated badly.

Being angry and bitter and annoyed with yourself is a waste of your precious time. Life is short and precious and you have to get on with life. Seconds turn into minutes, minutes in to hours, days to weeks and so on. People say time is the only healer - that's not true, it's what you do with the time that matters. You need to think about this. If every day is like Groundhog day then YOU have to change it. Only you can make those changes, they are unlikely to come knocking.

I wonder if what is actually holding you back could be annoyance and worry about the fact that you think about your ex all the time. You probably think that because you think about her all the time then you're not over her and need to wait until you are...but you can't seem to get over her, it becomes a vicious circle.

Your wife was a massive part of your life and always will be. Despite your bitterness about the way you were treated, you can't just flick a switch to turn of the emotions you feel from the life you had together. It's not that easy. It's ok to think about your ex but YOU have to make the choice to not let her haunt you.

You deserve to be happy, and you will be happy with someone else. Go out there and find that person. As others have said, in the future, pick someone who has good family values, morals and integrity - someone like yourself. Like often attracts like.

All the best.
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