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Old 19th August 2005, 10:49 PM   #1
Dillema
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Exclamation DRUGS _ Wife I dont trust or respect


I can not believe that I am here, in this position. I am married to a substance misuser who I can't forgive.

Married nearly 3 years. Wonderful daughter 2 years old.

Whilst wife was pregnant she hid the fact that she was addicted to prescription drugs - codeine. She attempted DIY detox and turned into a monster.

She was sick and she was angry, nasty, unreasonable, paranoid etc. Whenever she cracked and took more drugs she felt guilty and the side effects of her guilt were more anger, paranioa, sickness, unreasonableness.

I was aware that she was spending money like water. I can be a good book keeper and could not account for her spending. She lied about her income, her spending, her substance misuse problem. She stole money from my wallet, the joint account etc.

Daughter was born = our relationship was bruised as due to her behaviour I became 'detached' and cooler around her. I could not accept her difficult behaviour, paranioa and emotional swings. I guess I was not the most support of husbands whilst she was pregnant. Little did I know her bizarre behaviour was due to substance misuse.

She had post natal depression and still a hidden 'problem'. When daughter was 6 months old I found a stash of her medication and confronted her. She eventually admitted her problem (Lied about the extent).

She lied to everyone who was trying to help her re substance misuse.

She could not cope with motherhood. I supported her more than you can imagine.

Our relationship deterioated. We went to Relate.

Jan 05 She left me with our daughter. Feb 05 I got a court order to return daughter home with me.

So I am a single dad working on reconciliation. I am angry with my wife. I do not like what she has done. Risked our babys and her own health. I dont trust her. I am only just begining to like her again.

She wants to move back in. She is on a rehab programme but slow. Should I wait until she is clean or accept that she has been doing very well for 6 month and forgive her?? (If this is possible God willing)

Help

Last edited by Dillema; 21st August 2005 at 08:28 PM.
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Old 20th August 2005, 11:45 AM   #2
ITry
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Re: Wife I dont trust or respect

It is a big step for your wife who has come a long way regarding her programme, the support of her husband will be a great blessing towards her treatment. It is understandable how you feel with reservations towards her for her lies and with the risking of life too, however forgiveness is a good thing but can you really forgive her (meaning forget the past and move on) if you cannot see the possibility of complete forgiveness maybe a talk with relate or even a drugs counsellor will be possibly beneficial to giving you more advice.

I hope you find the answer you seek.

A friend
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Old 21st August 2005, 08:27 PM   #3
Dillema
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Thumbs up DRUGS Re: Wife I dont trust or respect

Thanks for the feedback.

Forgiveness is a gift and I pray I will find it in my heart. I guess we can not move on until I forget the past = we are off to counselling tomorrow hopefully this will help us.

My wife has done well but I am aware that she continues to misuse additional drugs but this only highlights how I do not trust her!

We have a long path to travel ahead of us and God willing we will be holding hands on the journey.
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Old 22nd August 2005, 10:22 AM   #4
ITry
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Re: Wife I dont trust or respect

You are in my prayers, I am sure you will find the strength to overcome these bounderies. God joined you together, I am positive God will do his best to rekindle your relationship. I just wanted to say "well done" to you for not quitting on your wife and for doing what you can to save your relationship, in years to come I am sure your daughter will be proud that you did what you could and never gave up on her mummy.

God bless you and Keep you

A friend
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