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Old 11th April 2012, 08:17 PM   #1
jonpb123
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Unhappy My wife has split from me after 17 years and I cant cope

Its like a living nightmare!!! My wife asked me to leave or she would, so i got an apartment 6 weeks ago now, people say it gets easier with time but its getting worse,I cant cope on my own I hate it, I am convinced she is with somebody else, we had the best years together two children.
Now i have nothing to do with myself I used to make everybodys tea now i come home to this prison cell and i cant even eat anything properley, I cant sleep when i do sleep i dream about her.
I see my children sometimes but my wife has turned into something awful we used to be best friends and soul mates.
She lost her dad nephew and brother in the space of four years and went through the menapause and that was it she just turned, she now hates me!!!! will not have a nice word for me, she has got to be seeing somebody else i feel it in my gut.
Its like mental torture and i cant stop thinking about her and my family life that I used to have, every waking minute it racks my brain, i just cant see the point of carrying on, if there was a tablet i could just take to put me to sleep for ever i would jump at the chance, i have never felt so useless and helpless in my life, i have cried and screamed on my own, as i dont no what to do!
I tried to hang myself but couldnt do it, thinking about my kids, but I just dont want to carry on!! Its been six weeks now and nearly every morning i have been sick, I no i sound pathetic and selfish but im so down its unreal
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Old 11th April 2012, 10:30 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: My wife has split from me after 17 years and I cant cope

Hi and I am so sorry for what you are suffering.I am also so sorry that it was you that had to leave the house and your children when it was her who wanted to end it. I wish that you had made her leave and that you had stayed with the children.
Did she say why she wanted to end the marriage? Do you get plenty of access to your children?
I think some legal advise will be needed, and think about applying for joint access for your children. The house may have to be sold so that you can each have somewhere to have the children. Also go and see the doctor and get some help for the shock and depression.
Please dont even think about hanging yourself. My mum did that and it has caused so much pain and heartache for myself and my brother over the 25 years since it happened. Dont do that to your poor kids, they have enough to worry about.. We will help you as much as we can, even if it is provding somewhere for you to vent and know that someone cares.
Do you have any family that you can turn to and maybe stay with sometimes? Or close friends?
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Old 11th April 2012, 11:27 PM   #3
jonpb123
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Re: My wife has split from me after 17 years and I cant cope

thanks chosen
i see my 10 year old all the time, he wants to stop with me, the other is my stepson 17, she said i bullied him all his life, but i didnt i tried to be his dad, but when i told him off she said it was bullying, he is now 17 we had some shocking rows he came at me with a knife once because i shouted at him!! she stuck up for him saying i shouldnt have shouted at him!! this type of thing happened for a while, he wouldnt get a job or even try which got me angry, but she said there was no jobs!!! but he didnt even try. then she went off the rails or for better words met somebody else, then used the excuse that i bullied her son and its over!!! yet she used to dissapear for hours leaving me with the kids, i had the police helecopter out looking for her one time thinking something had happened to her!!! yet it turned out she had been for drinks with her mate that was a bloke! the most bizzare thing is now my step son is arguing with her saying he misses me and wants me home, she is out all the time now, you see when my 10 year old stays with me thats what he does, stays with me, but when he goes to her she just trys to palm him off on other people so she can go out. I have family and friends but they cant say anything to help, i just bore them i think, i just want my life back and its not going to happen just because she has got somebody else, but then again is it my fault, if i was the proper husband that i tried to be she wouldnt have gone off with somebody, its just the lies and deceit thats breaking me apart.
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Old 12th April 2012, 09:11 AM   #4
chosen
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Re: My wife has split from me after 17 years and I cant cope

What makes you think that you werent a good husband? Is it because she told you so?People will have affairs whether you are a good spouse or not, I have seen that loads of times in my own family.My own husband was rejected by his ex wife who had an affair, and he is the nicest kindest most patient and laid back man that I have ever met, and a lovely husband and step dad as well.

It sounds to me that both of the boys may be happier with you, as she doesnt sounds as if she is a very fit mother, so maybe you need some legal advise about getting custody, at least of the younger son. You will also need somewhere for you both to live, so you need advise on the house and selling that. Hang in there for the sake of the boys, its sounds as if they love you and need you very much.
Get to the doctors for some help to get you through this bad time.
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Old 12th April 2012, 01:18 PM   #5
Raymond
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Re: My wife has split from me after 17 years and I cant cope

Was everything alright before the menopause Jon? Has all this happened just since then? For a married woman to go out drinking with a man on her own for hours is not very wise behaviour. I would ask the question of what was she like before the menopause and these recent bereavements. Is this her typical behaviour throughout your marriage or has there been a massive change that points to some present mental unbalance? Is she needing comfort at this time which you are unable to give? Sounds like there is a hurt there maybe. You may be able to help if you can get your mind off of yourself perhaps. I don't know.
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Old 13th April 2012, 10:47 AM   #6
jonpb123
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Re: My wife has split from me after 17 years and I cant cope

Raymond, me and my wife where the best of friends for most of our marriage, we had a fantastic sex life, then after the deaths and menapause everything changed, i tried my hardest to help her through it but she would not let me, all i thought about was her feelings i did every thing i could for her mum also, i on my own helped her mother move house, i moved everything on my own, and the decorated every room in her new house. My wife used to lie to me all the time, then i would find out she had been out with this fella, but only because she could talk to him as he was not conected to the family! You see this man is a money man also, it was only 6 months ago i was decorating our home and we seemed ok, then she came home to explain to me that this fella had bought some land and wanted my wife to run a horse yard from it, her dream job, the land must have cost a fortune and he is spending nearly half a million on barns and setting it up etc, but putting it in her name! as he is a bit dodgy i feel, but the best thing was i had to sign a solicitors letter saying that if me and my wife split up i wold have no claim on the buissness in her name!! then guess what 2 months latter she wants a divorce. At this moment in time its not set up yet, she has left her job, yet she seems to have that much money its unreal, she is buying the kids anything they want, she is paying the mortgage and bills she has 3 horses to pay for, she has started putting a new kitchen floor in then she is allways out for meals. Easter sunday was the day we met 17 years ago, and i had a gut feeling she was going away that weekend, she also still had her wedding ring on, i sent her a text on the sunday and asked her to be honset with me and at least have the heart to take her ring off if she was sleeping with somebody else, my step son told me that she had gone away for the weekend but he was not supposed to tell anybody she told him she was going to see her cousin in london, if that was the case why is he not to tell anybody? I went to see her yesterday morning she would not allow me in my house, and i told her she had been away that weekend, she shouted at me saying when has she got time to go away, she told be straight she had not been away!! then i had to drop my stepson in it buy telling her he had told me, she just said ok yes but where did he tell you i went, to your cousins i said, then she there you go then.
I love my wife with all my heart i never even looked at another woman i had no need to, now all of this has hit me like a ton of bricks. I have nothing to do anymore, my whole future has been stripped away, we had plans, now im on my own stuck in an apartment, i can go for a couple of days not speaking to anybody, i just keep thinking what is the point in carrying on, i can not stop thinking about her not for one minute, by the way what i ment to say when i went to see her last she had taken her wedding ring off!!!!
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Old 13th April 2012, 11:35 AM   #7
jonpb123
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Re: My wife has split from me after 17 years and I cant cope

she has told me! but i cant have been that bad as we where together 17 years, I did everything in our home decorating fitting kitchens bathrooms decking gardening everything i loved it. She is adamant that its all because i picked on my step son!! even my friends say yes we had arguments but i wasnt that bad, and why all of a sudden now does it bother her. I really cant believe it , is just not like her, she has to have met somebody else to speak the way she does to me she feels nothing for me she old me that, it just wont sink in, I no her, she allways loved me untill this man turned up on the scene
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Old 13th April 2012, 11:52 AM   #8
chosen
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Re: My wife has split from me after 17 years and I cant cope

jon it does seem that she and this guy are having a relationship, and that she is lying to you and decieving you.,Remember that those who cheat often blame the other person, and rarely take responsibility for what they have done, or even admit to it. You need to think of your son now and make sure that you get legal advise about him, and about selling the home so that you can both get a place to live.
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Old 13th April 2012, 01:09 PM   #9
Raymond
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Re: My wife has split from me after 17 years and I cant cope

Thanks for the explanation Jon. I agree with Chosen. To me it looks as if she has been bought off. Dream job and all that. Money. She was already vulnerable from the deceases and probably she has fallen for this dream job with lots of money and putting in her lot with him. The thing about you being too hard on your child may be just an excuse I think, as Chosen has pointed out.

It sounds as if some planning has gone into this by the way they are getting you to sign this solicitors letter giving up any rights to her business. I wouldn't be surprised if he had put her up to this. It looks like he has seduced her with these things and taken her from under your nose. He has no right to do all this behind your back as you are her husband. She could be in adultery.

As she has fallen for it I don't think there is much you can do as she is agreeable to it. I don't think it will work out and that she will live to regret it but that doesn't help you now. If it is your house as well I would go back and live there. Let her leave if she wants to as she has been threatening to do. It suits their plans to have you out of the way but you need to be there for your children. I wouldn't just lie down over this. Get back in there and fight for your life and your children. It can't be any worse for you than it is now. If she wants to leave let her. You have been hit hard but need to get back up. Your suicide will be very convenient for them perhaps but devastating for your children so get back in there and make a life for yourself with or without her.
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Old 15th April 2012, 04:41 PM   #10
chosen
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Re: My wife has split from me after 17 years and I cant cope

Dont sign anything or agree to anything until you have got legal advise.
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