Concern over husband's behavior during engagement party. Where next?

[bow595kt]

Originally Posted by Raymond

Perhaps he's into celeb gossiping stuff rather than serious porn? Perhaps he gets a buzz from associating with the famous. The underwear part though sounds a bit fetishist and so does the Gay talk at the pre wedding meal. I can't understand why one woman is coming to stay with you though. What on earth will happen when she comes? It can't be an affair if you are there, so it sounds more about rubbing shoulders with celebrities maybe? Could this be business related some kind of publicity stunts? If it is it has gone way too far and is out of control.

The other woman in Canada isn't a celeb, she's not famous at all.
As for Taylor Swift, well, it appears my husband has known her since early 2005, I found this out via one of the emails they'd been exchanging, hell, there were even pics of Taylor Swift's vagina sent as an attachment, X-rated messages and more. One of them was even suggesting Taylor be stepmom to our son, wth??
It's still a bit unnerving about the underwear thing, and as for the other woman staying at our house, well, the messages between him and this other woman (the Canadian woman) on his gmail were a bit X-rated and lewd, too off color to print here. Isn't it a bit short notice, 2 weeks, like??
I don't think it's a publicity stunt, tbh, but it's creepy. Thank god he isn't taking creepshots though (my sister was the victim of a woman, well, a teenage girl, taking creepshots of her in the gym changing rooms)

[Raymond]

So Taylor Swift is a singer who he has known since early 2005, a year before her career started. He needs to end that relationship after what you have told us. Sending certain pictures of herself is not conducive to you having a happy marriage. Could he be blackmailing her? Usually celebreties like that would not release compromising picures of themselves which could seriously harm their career.

So why is he talking to this Canadian woman and bringing her home? That is completely out of order. As his wife you should be fully aware of what is going on and why she is coming. I suppose that if you forbid it he might go to her somewhere else privately so it may be worth letting her come to see what on earth is going on. Nothing will happen when you are there. I think you will get the sense if there is anything going on. It sounds to me that he might be touching on the swinger community. That is people, including married people, who go in for various sexual liasons as one offs where there is no commitment whatsoever. Adultery really.

The other problem you have is with your friend. You need to get to the bottom of the truth about what happened as your husband has made some serious statements that might affect you friends coming marriage. She would be unwise to marry him until this is all cleared up as to whether it is true or false.

[bow595kt]

Originally Posted by Raymond

So Taylor Swift is a singer who he has known since early 2005, a year before her career started. He needs to end that relationship after what you have told us. Sending certain pictures of herself is not conducive to you having a happy marriage. Could he be blackmailing her? Usually celebreties like that would not release compromising picures of themselves which could seriously harm their career.

So why is he talking to this Canadian woman and bringing her home? That is completely out of order. As his wife you should be fully aware of what is going on and why she is coming. I suppose that if you forbid it he might go to her somewhere else privately so it may be worth letting her come to see what on earth is going on. Nothing will happen when you are there. I think you will get the sense if there is anything going on. It sounds to me that he might be touching on the swinger community. That is people, including married people, who go in for various sexual liasons as one offs where there is no commitment whatsoever. Adultery really.

The other problem you have is with your friend. You need to get to the bottom of the truth about what happened as your husband has made some serious statements that might affect you friends coming marriage. She would be unwise to marry him until this is all cleared up as to whether it is true or false.

Thanks for your help so far.
Looking at the emails (and now husband's on the road at work I can read them a bit more fully) it doesn't seem like he's blackmailing Taylor Swift at all, the best I can make of it is that they started out as some kind of FWB arrangement in late 2013, before having some sort of affair from 2014 onwards. The best I can make of it is that she wants a real relationship with him (and he seems to want it too). It's troubling and upsetting knowing this now. It seems like he knew her but never told me about it... you'd think there'd be no secrets in marrisge would you? What if this ends up all in the open, what next? Am I paranoid or do I need to worry?
I did tell a friend about this last night over Skype chat, and she's as concerned as I am, said she doesn't really have any advice but thinks the situation's troubling enough as it is.

As for my friend, well, me and Karla are going to a restaurant, using it as a safe space to discuss the issue, so hopefully things will get better, or not,depending on how it works out.

[Raymond]

It is good that you are going to meet Karla Bow. You need to compare information to see if these accusations are true.

As for Taylor Swift that sounds very dodgy to me especially as she sent pictures of herself to him as you describe. If they had been that sexually intimate what else might have happened? He has gone way beyond propriety with her and that could be grounds for divorce just on it's own without all the other stuff. You have a lot to take stock of. It seems like he had a secret life that you knew nothing of and I would imagine that this has seriously affected the trust you had in the marriage.

I would take stock of all this and try to add up everything that has happened so that you get as far as possible a true picture and then confront him. I wouldn't rush it or alert him in case he goes underground. You need to know what has been going on. Give him a bit of rope and try and not let him know what you suspect until you are ready.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by bow595kt

Thanks for your help so far.
Looking at the emails (and now husband's on the road at work I can read them a bit more fully) it doesn't seem like he's blackmailing Taylor Swift at all, the best I can make of it is that they started out as some kind of FWB arrangement in late 2013, before having some sort of affair from 2014 onwards. The best I can make of it is that she wants a real relationship with him (and he seems to want it too). It's troubling and upsetting knowing this now. It seems like he knew her but never told me about it... you'd think there'd be no secrets in marrisge would you? What if this ends up all in the open, what next? Am I paranoid or do I need to worry?
I did tell a friend about this last night over Skype chat, and she's as concerned as I am, said she doesn't really have any advice but thinks the situation's troubling enough as it is.

As for my friend, well, me and Karla are going to a restaurant, using it as a safe space to discuss the issue, so hopefully things will get better, or not,depending on how it works out.

sorry but that woman cant possibly be Taylor swift, its almost certainly someone pretending to be. Taylor has a boyfriend she is clearly besotted about, she is a very rich famous lady, why would she bother doing all this with an unknown married man?Pictures of her are all over the internet, anyone could access them. I wonder if its wishful thinking and fantasies on his part?

However he shouldnt be be acting like this with her whoever she is is, and when is he actually going to tell you about this lady coming to stay?

carry on saving all this evidence, see what happens with this other lady and take it from there, but something needs to be done.

[bow595kt]

Originally Posted by chosen

sorry but that woman cant possibly be Taylor swift, its almost certainly someone pretending to be. Taylor has a boyfriend she is clearly besotted about, she is a very rich famous lady, why would she bother doing all this with an unknown married man?Pictures of her are all over the internet, anyone could access them. I wonder if its wishful thinking and fantasies on his part?

However he shouldnt be be acting like this with her whoever she is is, and when is he actually going to tell you about this lady coming to stay?

carry on saving all this evidence, see what happens with this other lady and take it from there, but something needs to be done.

The Taylor Swift emails are genuine, not someone pretending to be her. I read an email from her to him, it basically was a rant about pretend showbiz romances saying how she hated them, but that they had to be done simply for money and publicity, and that she wanted a relationship with him, a "real relationship", wanted him to leave me for her, it was a bit X-rated. My husband has known her since early 2005 personally though, that is certain. It doesnt seem like wishful thinking. I know because I found a secret Christmas card from her hidden somewhere in the house the other day in the kitchen, he'd hidden it under a bag of potato chips. The Christmas card was asking him to meet up with her in the new year (it had 2015 on it). Handwriting was like this: http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/En...r.jw.61815.jpg

AFAIK don't some celebrities have non-famous boyfriends/girlfriends?? IIRC isn't Jim Caviezel's wife a non-celebrity, a Z-lister? You know, the dude off The Prisoner and Passion of the Christ? My husband watched Person of Interest so I have some idea of who Jim is.

My husband's away on a business trip all week, he's back on Monday.
I'll have to wait until he's back before getting further with this.

I'm a car saleswoman and this is causing me more stress than normal. I've already got an off-site meeting to come next Tuesday which is going to be stressful anyway.

[chosen]

so you read an email by a woman calling herself taylor swift. He has a card from a lady who pretends she is someone else, it happens all the time on line. Ever watch catfish? Believe me she doesnt need a married man who has no money and no fame to go out with or marry.if she wanted him then why did their relationship end? I think you are both being fooled. She is hardly going to send him indecent pictures of herself, she wouldnt be that stupid or risk her career. Yes some famous people do have partners who they knew before they were famous, but Taylor has had severe long term relationships and seems besotted by her latest flame.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...old-Coast.html
However this is irrelevant to this issue, which is incredibly serious but you need to find out what your friend knows first I think. Maybe print out all the stuff you have found in case he deletes it. When are you meeting her?

[bow595kt]

Originally Posted by chosen

so you read an email by a woman calling herself taylor swift. He has a card from a lady who pretends she is someone else, it happens all the time on line. Ever watch catfish? Believe me she doesnt need a married man who has no money and no fame to go out with or marry.if she wanted him then why did their relationship end? I think you are both being fooled. She is hardly going to send him indecent pictures of herself, she wouldnt be that stupid or risk her career. Yes some famous people do have partners who they knew before they were famous, but Taylor has had severe long term relationships and seems besotted by her latest flame.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...old-Coast.html
However this is irrelevant to this issue, which is incredibly serious but you need to find out what your friend knows first I think. Maybe print out all the stuff you have found in case he deletes it. When are you meeting her?

OK, but this doesn't seem like a catfish situation... given that she's known him personally, she has been in some sort of FWB situation with him (alongside the celeb boyfriends) and them exchanging raunchy emails. I even found a selfie of him with her and some big Chevy SUV in the email folder which he'd called Myemails000123456.
I am seeing my friend on Friday. I hope things can go well enough and we can discuss this without getting angry and bitchy about it.

Since my husband's freelance, self-employed and away on business, it'll be hard to talk to him in person about it until Monday.

[Raymond]

As Chosen said note all the information and also try to stay calm. Whatever the questions over Taylor Swift he should not be talking privately to her nor sharing intimate information all these year. He is leaving a door open for temptation. One cannot as a married man go around flirting with other women. We need to be faithful to our own wives. If we are not faithful where is the marriage?

I hope your talk goes well with Karla. If that can be cleared up it will be one thing out of the way.

[chosen]

yes I hope all goes well with your friend and that you may learn more truths.

[chosen]

Did you find out any more from your friend?

[bow595kt]

Originally Posted by chosen

Did you find out any more from your friend?

Ive been a bit busy but, yes, the meal went well, we discussed that topic, got it outta the way first, Karla said her fiance was angry at him but she wants to forgive my husband. She said she knows her fiance isn't gay, not bisexual and felt quite embarrassed by the whole incident. Like my husband, her fiance is also self-employed. Karla also told me how her fiance was furious at my husband for buying him an Adidas sports bra with a card saying "Meet me down the bar for a drink and youknowwhat.".
Her fiance has decided to be forgiving about this, said he thinks the whole event was a disaster and that his engagement will be remembered for all the wrong reasons, Karla told me how he'd found photos of the fight on Facebook and other social media.
Anyway, they have invited us to some social event they're doing for charity, and I hope things go better this time.
I also told my friend about the celebrity thing and emails, she said I should get into the press, get publicity etc. even if I'm not named, but would it turn into a "PR disaster" for Taylor Swift?? You know, like that oil spill in Florida, or the Rio Olympics thingy CNN keep talking about?
Then it became a standard girls' night out with drinks, all that jazz.
Some other news, my husband confessed to me to having secret Instagram and Tumblr accounts with pictures of him in sports bra and bikinis, he said he liked the thrill of getting likes and retweets etc. said he wasnt gay or bisexual, said he was hooked on the feeling. He also showed me his hackforums account he'd registered too and the messages he posted there, gave me the account username and password without me even having to ask him. WTH would he do this? I didn't even know he had a hackforums account until Sunday!
He will not talk about the social media thing though, nor the celebrities, even when I've shown him the emails from our shared email (he accused me of snooping but it was our shared email. FFS!!!).
Now I've heard he wants me to try and find a way to become famous, said I was good at make up, should make money from being a bikini and makeup model. WTH? I asked him to explain but he wouldnt or couldn't.
Another revelation... he's ordered something called a Thorn Beta 5 off ebay, he won the bid, now the sender's sending it from across the pond to us. WTH would he buy something like that for so much money?

Where should I go next, and how will this affect our son?

[Raymond]

Glad you sorted it out with Karla Bow. Can you actually trust him to go to another event with her and her husband?

Maybe your husband has some kind of media desease and has a need for popularity or adulation like being famous or something. This will get him in a lot of trouble as he seems to be using shock tactics to get it and throwing discretion out of the window. I wouldn't submit to that as it could lead to a lot of trouble in the end. I think he is a bit weak and just following the empty gossip thing in the media and trying to get his own attention from it.

The most worrying thing for me is his correspondence with Taylor Swift. That is the part he is being quiet about and that is the part that will affect your marriage the most I think.

With regard to Thorn Beta they make the lights we have in our street. Apparently they use less electricity and push the light downwards. I like them because you can still see the stars and the moon clearly if you look up. I can't imagine your husband buying lights though so it is probably something else they make.

[chosen]

I think that your husband has many issues that desperately need sporting out, to be honest I cant see how the marriage can work unless he is completely open and honest with you, stops any of this contact with other women, and agrees to some long term marriage counseling.

I am pretty sure he is still in denial about himself, a normal hetrosexual man doesnt wear womens clothes or make sick jokes and comments to another man of a sexual nature. I hope very much that your friends husband is being honest about this, if I were them I wouldnt risk having another evening with him, especially an important one for a charity.
He is clearly obsessed with fame.

[chris1729]

I realise you're in the US, where access to doctors is different to the UK, but I'd encourage him to go to see a doctor as soon as possible. To my untrained mind, his behaviour is indicative of some form of mental illness or extreme internal conflict. Whichever it is, I think he needs help.

This is not the time to be judgemental regarding his behaviour. Even if he were bisexual (and in my mind, bisexuality is fine whilst having illicit affairs is not), you wouldn't expect him to behave in this way. I would say- and again, I remind you, I have no medical training- this is a desperate cry for help.

At the same time, you must put yourself and your son first.