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Old 29th March 2016, 01:41 PM   #31
chosen
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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Originally Posted by mcsjr2 View Post
We've seen a pre-martial counselor and didn't get nothing out of it. We also saw 2 separate counselors after we were married and never stuck to seeing them regularly. The first time we were in counseling she decided to leave me after just the 2nd appointment and we never went back. I started counseling on my own while she was gone and she even joined in a few sessions... shortly after that we were able to reconcile. I've been trying to get in and see the pastor at the church I've been going to but that's not working out because his schedule but I'm trying to be patient. I do feel somewhat bullied because she's so adamant. She told me that she compares what I said to her the same as me having an affair and it's just something she can not get over. We argued so so so so much while married and I can understand that adding to her pain. I don't want divorce at all but I don't want to make it harder on her all the while her being pregnant too...its soo hard...I cried allot today.
You must stand up for what you believe is right. No it wasnt the same as adultery, and she is manipulating you to get her own way. There is no hurry for her to get divorced, what is the rush? if she bullies you then limit contact.
If that pastor isnt available then try another one.
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Old 29th March 2016, 01:42 PM   #32
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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When we finally had a chance to sit down face to face I made sure that I gave her the proper apology and I tried to ensure her that I didn't mean it and it will never happen again. I guess she doesn't have much reassurance because of the promises I wasn't able to keep in the past. I'm struggling with understanding why her anger is soo intense and the rush she feels to get a divorce. She makes sure everything she talks to me she says we are getting a divorce. She even speaks of me as past tense.
Are you sure she hasnt got anyone else?
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Old 29th March 2016, 01:51 PM   #33
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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You must stand up for what you believe is right. No it wasnt the same as adultery, and she is manipulating you to get her own way. There is no hurry for her to get divorced, what is the rush? if she bullies you then limit contact.
If that pastor isnt available then try another one.
I have no idea...all she says is she wants out and she of course wants to move back home to be with family for her pregnancy
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Old 29th March 2016, 01:52 PM   #34
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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Are you sure she hasnt got anyone else?
To be honest I do think think so... it who knows nowadays. We barely had sex and when we did it wasn't enjoyable. This became a problem for me and my frustration grew...I don't understand the cause of the months we went without frequent sex
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Old 29th March 2016, 08:10 PM   #35
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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I have no idea...all she says is she wants out and she of course wants to move back home to be with family for her pregnancy
where is she living now and where do her family live? wHy cant she move back home when just separated?

I do think that you need to get some sound Biblical ádvise on this. She is rushing into something that will have serious long term consequences both for your spiritual life and day to day life. What does the law say, can you delay it?
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Old 29th March 2016, 08:32 PM   #36
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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where is she living now and where do her family live? wHy cant she move back home when just separated?

I do think that you need to get some sound Biblical ádvise on this. She is rushing into something that will have serious long term consequences both for your spiritual life and day to day life. What does the law say, can you delay it?
We are living in Alabama (US) and her family lives in Iowa. We moved to Alabama back in May of last year for a new job I got. I'd rather she move back separated then divorce but it's her choice. She is really stressing this and I tried to talk with her yesterday to at least give her peace and today she's texting and emailing trying to get me to go along with her. I told her that I need time to pray and seek guidance because I haven't went through the process that she has already gone through. I have a meeting with a Pastor tomorrow.
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Old 29th March 2016, 08:34 PM   #37
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Re: I really messed up...need help

She then accuses me of backtracking and reneging and she says that she can't trust me because I don't kexpect my word...I did mention she's pregnant.
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Old 30th March 2016, 01:25 AM   #38
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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We are living in Alabama (US) and her family lives in Iowa. We moved to Alabama back in May of last year for a new job I got. I'd rather she move back separated then divorce but it's her choice. She is really stressing this and I tried to talk with her yesterday to at least give her peace and today she's texting and emailing trying to get me to go along with her. I told her that I need time to pray and seek guidance because I haven't went through the process that she has already gone through. I have a meeting with a Pastor tomorrow.
Thats good but please dont let her push you into this. Tell her that as Christians its wrong which it is if there is no sexual immorality.

So she will take you child and live somewhere that you are unable to see it? Or will you go back there as well?

To be honest it may be best if you cut off contact for a time. You cant stop her from ending the marriage but you can make sure that you are not enabling it.
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Old 30th March 2016, 01:37 AM   #39
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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Thats good but please dont let her push you into this. Tell her that as Christians its wrong which it is if there is no sexual immorality.

So she will take you child and live somewhere that you are unable to see it? Or will you go back there as well?

To be honest it may be best if you cut off contact for a time. You cant stop her from ending the marriage but you can make sure that you are not enabling it.
I agree...I never cheated and I don't believe she cheated either so I don't see or understand her grounds for divorce. She told me that she doesn't think she should stay here to make it easier for me and that she only came here for me. I told her that I need time for prayer and to seek guidance because I don't know what to do and she told me that I was reneging again and that she won't try to agree to anything with me again. So needless to say the contact will be cut off for some time now.
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Old 30th March 2016, 12:28 PM   #40
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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I agree...I never cheated and I don't believe she cheated either so I don't see or understand her grounds for divorce. She told me that she doesn't think she should stay here to make it easier for me and that she only came here for me. I told her that I need time for prayer and to seek guidance because I don't know what to do and she told me that I was reneging again and that she won't try to agree to anything with me again. So needless to say the contact will be cut off for some time now.
She is just trying to guilt you into doing what she wants. I hope that the pastor will have some wise Biblical advise for you.
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Old 30th March 2016, 03:56 PM   #41
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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She is just trying to guilt you into doing what she wants. I hope that the pastor will have some wise Biblical advise for you.
Yeap I know...I'do like to stay in contact with you if that's okay. You seem to be the only person that understands my feelings. My email address is mcsjr818@gmail.com
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Old 30th March 2016, 04:40 PM   #42
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Re: I really messed up...need help

OK. Let us know that the pastor says.
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Old 30th March 2016, 07:12 PM   #43
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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OK. Let us know that the pastor says.
Pastor confirmed everything you said. That divorce would be a mistake. That I should delay this as long as possible. That there are underlying issues with my wife that I am not aware of. That I have the right mindset and that I should fight..He recommended that I reach out to her mother which I have and give her space.
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Old 30th March 2016, 11:04 PM   #44
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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Pastor confirmed everything you said. That divorce would be a mistake. That I should delay this as long as possible. That there are underlying issues with my wife that I am not aware of. That I have the right mindset and that I should fight..He recommended that I reach out to her mother which I have and give her space.
That's good, I was hoping he would give godly advise. Yes give her space, dont communicate unless you have to, and if you need to, tell her what the pastor said. Not sure if the mum will help, you don't know what your wife has told her.She may well have exaggerated things or even lied to make it seem as if she should end the marriage.

Dont go along with the divorce, dont sign anything , pray, and start going to a good church. They will give you support and they will pray as well I am sure.
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Old 31st March 2016, 02:22 AM   #45
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Re: I really messed up...need help

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That's good, I was hoping he would give godly advise. Yes give her space, dont communicate unless you have to, and if you need to, tell her what the pastor said. Not sure if the mum will help, you don't know what your wife has told her.She may well have exaggerated things or even lied to make it seem as if she should end the marriage.

Dont go along with the divorce, dont sign anything , pray, and start going to a good church. They will give you support and they will pray as well I am sure.
Her mom forgave me but did say that my horrible decision to say what I said is very upsetting to them and my wife...she was actually on the phone and heard me so that didn't help. My wife is still very upset and hurt so it will take time. I'm hopeful for us and I'm praying for God's deliverance through this. I don't want to stress my wife but I don't feel making a huge life decision while pregnant is smart and I can't go through with it.
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