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Old 6th April 2006, 03:46 PM   #1
marion
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Do christian/atheist marriages work?

My boyfriend and I are completely in love and we've both discussed the prospect of marriage. However, I am a Christian and he is an atheist. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and I want to be with him for eternity. But I know that if he doesn't believe in God he won't go to Heaven. He holds quite strong views on the subject and I can't see him changing these views. I can't bare to think of what will happen to him when he dies if he doesn't find Jesus. I love him completely but can a relationship like this really work? Should I just respect his views and be content with having him for a lifetime only? I pray for him everyday that he will find Jesus one day.
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Old 6th April 2006, 11:49 PM   #2
AlwaysGreen
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

The most important thing is that this man loves you. If he is a good, moral man, who loves you uncondiotionally, who will never harm you, will always do right by others and is compasionate and giving, then grab him and never let go. He does not need to believe in God to be a good person.
I too am an atheist. It is not that I don't believe in God, it is more that I respect everyone for their choice of religion and Gods. If I were for example Catholic, then I believe I would have less understanding of other religions. I don't want that. I want to understand everyone and appreciate all the different faiths for what they give people. I don't in any way whatsoever scorn God, I just believe everyone has a right to believe in the religion of their choice.
This Man in your life is no lesser a person because he chooses to not follow god. He has to be a strong couragous Man to go through life not seeking advice from a higher being.
Love him for who he is. God does. We are all Gods children. We might forget him from time to time, but he does not forget us.
Have a lovely marriage.
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Old 10th April 2006, 12:29 AM   #3
Helen
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

I agree with much of what AlwaysGreen says but there is one point that you both need to be clear on before you embark on marriage because it is something that can cause real problems. What would happen if you have children? I am assuming you would want them to be Christened? Would he be happy for you to do this? If not, how would you feel about that?


Helen
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Old 10th April 2006, 12:46 AM   #4
jack
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

hi

i'm sure you really want answers to this from a christian viewpoint & i can't offer you that. what i can say as someone who is in a relationship that has lasted 20 years, although not without troubles otherwise i wouldn't be on this site, is it couldn't have worked for us if we didn't have similar beliefs/values. We both believe strongly in fairness & equality - i think it used to be called socialism but funnily enough you don't hear that word much nowadays - incidentally i think jesus was a bit of a socialist -Anyway despite all my faults which are documented elsewhere on this site, i believe respect for each other's beliefs/values is absolutely crucial in a relationship & if these beliefs & value are important to you some form of agreement is preferable. for examp: I am a socialist & could never ever live with a conservative - doesn't make them bad people but i couldn't live with one - but then all sorts of people have all sorts of relationships so what i am really saying is "i haven't a bloody clue" but good luck to you whatever you decide. p.s. do you really buy all that virgin birth malarkey?

good luck & may your god bless you abundantly


jack
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Old 10th April 2006, 07:17 AM   #5
hoxton
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Marian,

I am also an atheist, But I must say Always Green summed it up, If he is a good moral and loving man then I am sure he will go to heven, I dont knock anyones religion Live and let Live that's what I say, But like Helen rightly says the thing I see being a problem is having children what will you do then ?

Please take on board if you are lucky enough to find a good man you should love and cherish him,

Just because he does not beleive in god does not mean he won't go to heven surely god would except anyone that is a good person, And that's what you should be telling your self.
Dont let this stand in your way of being happy,

Good luck,

Amanda
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Old 10th April 2006, 01:18 PM   #6
Liz
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Dear Marian

There is a lot of wisdom in what the others here have said to you. Someone who really values you and cares for you is hard to find and sadly marriages between Christians can also break down. Becoming a Christian doesn't make you perfect or enable you not to make mistakes. It should open up the opportunities for grace and forgiveness when we do make mistakes and it should help us to do what is right and loving if we are really seeking God's help all the time.

Having the same values is important in most marriages and when you have children there will be tensions if you can't agree about what to teach them about the why's of life.

The bible says that it is not good for a believer to marry a non-believer. In this it is pointing towards some of the problems about different values and bringing up children. The bible also says that if you become a Christian then you shouldn't abandon your spouse because they don't accept Jesus as their Saviour ( I Cor ch 7).

But you touch on an issue which is probably hard for non-Christians to understand - what will life after death hold for a non-believer. I can only speak from the point of view of our own spiritual journey. I made a fresh commitment to Jesus when our son was born. I knew then I needed to know what I believed so I could guide him as he grew up. At that time my husband didn't know what he believed and I struggled with this for some time. I tried to bargain with God, that I would live for him if he would get David to follow him too. In the end I accepted that I couldn't bargain with God like this and handed David over to God, trusting that he would take care of him. Whatever David decided I was going to follow Jesus. However that didn't mean that I just went my own way. Part of loving God was to lovingly accept David and recognise that caring for him and my marriage was a way of serving God. Eventually David chose to follow Jesus too and it means so much to us that we can share that together. I am not sure that we could be as close as we are without that.

When I accepted that I couldn't bargain with God or force the situation, I had to face up to the fact that I couldn't be sure that David would be with me and Jesus in eternity and that was very painful.

My situation differs from yours in that we were married before the issue arose. If I was facing the same decision before marriage, I would want to be sure that God wanted me to marry the person I was in love with. When we first fall in love we find it hard to see things clearly – we just want to be with the one we are in love with. If we want our marriage is to last, we both need to have the kind of love and commitment that will take us through the difficult times. Why not think about what some of those challenges may be and what impact your different beliefs may make at such times. There are also a host of marriage preparation programmes like Engaged Encounter, Prepare and FOCCUS which can help you both to think these things through. Perhaps you might do something like that together so you can explore together what the impact one ach of you will be of having these different beliefs.

Liz
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Old 11th April 2006, 09:31 PM   #7
boltonlass
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Marriage is hard at times. If you want to follow God you will have to choose God rather than your boyfriend. I can almost guarantee that if you go into marriage under these circumstances, you will find it very difficult to follow God. Don't marry him thinking you can make him believe after you're married. It's a big choice is marriage. At the end of the day - who is more important to you - him or God. If it's God, then let the boyfriend go and God will bless you for your decision.
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Old 11th April 2006, 09:54 PM   #8
Helen
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Quote:
Originally Posted by boltonlass
Marriage is hard at times. If you want to follow God you will have to choose God rather than your boyfriend. I can almost guarantee that if you go into marriage under these circumstances, you will find it very difficult to follow God. Don't marry him thinking you can make him believe after you're married. It's a big choice is marriage. At the end of the day - who is more important to you - him or God. If it's God, then let the boyfriend go and God will bless you for your decision.
...or Marion and her boyfriend could try to work out their differences before they commit. Apart from a few differences, they seem ideally compatible. I think we are all in agreement that some work needs to be done but to say 'Do not marry him' without knowing what their relationship means to both of them is a tad drastic.


Helen
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Old 5th May 2006, 07:06 AM   #9
Colour
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

The most hurtful thing I have ever heard was my finace (a christian) telling me that he thought I was going to go to hell, because I didn't believe in the exact same things as him. The only person who has the right to be concerned about another persons passage after death, is god. Either you love your boyfriend or you don't, if he is a good person then their is no reason why he would not be with you, and your god when you both pass.
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Old 22nd May 2006, 07:16 PM   #10
candelaria
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

I have been married for 11 years to someone who is not a christian. I never thought in a million years that it was going to be an issue in our marriage. After we had children is when the problems started to appear. As you get older and have children your focus begins to change. You want everything for your children and would do anything for them. It boils down to are you willing to take the risk that your children will not believe in Jesus because of your husband. If I had a chance to do it over I would have decided that it was not worth the risk. It is a big strain on my marriage. I just continue to teach the children and pray that they will grow up to have a strong faith. Hope this helps.
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Old 28th July 2006, 12:54 PM   #11
martin123
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

If anyone is so religious that they put thier god above everyone and everything else (which, if they were true to thier word, would include thier husbands or wives to be and ultimetly thier children) as many, many people believe, then surely they should think very seriously about getting married to someone who may have different views to themselves. Surely that is the point! Marriage, as many of us have found out, is full of up`s AND downs even without the addition of children. Please think about the children that may be a result of your marriage to an athiest or to anyone who follows another religion or has different views to you. You WILL dissagree on many things concerning the way in which they should be brought up. It will, almost definately, result in sadness and grief for all concerned. The initial attraction that leads someone to fall in love with another human being has nothing to do with religion, it is a natural reaction to an attractive member of the opposite sex. So why do we have to complicate matters even more? Why do we continue to add labels when labels are really not required. Love someone just because you love them while you are both on this earth. If it is true that god, in which ever form he takes, is all forgiving and loves everyone, then we really haven`t got a problem. Have we?


Martin

P.S. Afternoon Helen. I hope you are well.
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Old 5th October 2006, 11:24 PM   #12
Shasta
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Wink Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

On a one to ten scale 10 being a very difficult marriage you are prolly about a 13. But if you are in "love" no one's going tell you different. Take it from me I was 19 when I got married (about a 10 or 11 on that same scale) I rationalized it by saying he was in his late 20's so if you averaged our ages we were about 23-24 not nearly as bad You have to decide if that is what the father has in mind for you and then if it isn't (and you will know) you have to have the guts to end it. Any way as for me- it was and is as hard as I was warned that would be. And even if it does have an end I'm glad that I did it. . . . Most days !
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Old 9th October 2006, 03:25 AM   #13
LadyRed
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

1 Corinthians, 7 12-14

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

So yea, your pretty much helping the both of you out. I love how christians only take the verses of the bible that say NO to this, but dont read the good parts. I wish you both well. Just keep LOVE in your life, it is the true key. All else will follow.

me christian btw. but i dunno, i dont liek classifying myself to a religion anymore because religion is just so rule binding now adays. everyone wants to be right, so im more like.. "other"

Last edited by LadyRed; 9th October 2006 at 03:35 AM.
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Old 5th February 2007, 05:03 PM   #14
dxg
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyRed View Post
1 Corinthians, 7 12-14

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

So yea, your pretty much helping the both of you out. I love how christians only take the verses of the bible that say NO to this, but dont read the good parts. I wish you both well. Just keep LOVE in your life, it is the true key. All else will follow.

...
No; The texts are discussing the situation where the marriage already exists.
The original question is regarding the initiation of the marriage.
Big difference.

In my situation, after honest and sincere prayer, I got a very clear answer which was no, don't marry her.

The bible recommends against it as it will make your life harder in the majority of cases. And it is very true. I loved her to bits, and had God not answered I would be mostl likely still with her.. but the complications that I know would arise once kids came long would not be pleasant.

Being married to someone who believes the same as you would not only help you keep your faith strong, but I believe you can be alot closer with that person when you are capable of sharing everything together.

Your faith and ultimately religion are/should be a huge part of your life. Being able to share that with the person you love is an incredible thing.

That said, I concur; Not being religious does not exlude you from heaven at all.. nor does being religious include you. It all comes down to how you live your life given the light you are given.
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Old 10th February 2007, 12:11 PM   #15
Raymond
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

dxg is right. The previous post quoted scripture out of context.

The bible does say be not unequally yoked with unbelievers 2 Cor:6-14. Although we are to love unbelievers, being yoked in marriage would be a big strain as deep down you would be going seperate paths.

I know this is very difficult for you. If you are in a live church that honours Christ I am sure the elders or pastor would back this view up. You have no promise from God that he will become a christian and one's hope must be based on God otherwise it's just a hope - it might or might not happen, however much you want it to happen.

I believe God has the right person for you and I know you do not want to hear this at this time. God will give you His peace when you make the right decision. God bless you, take courage. Marriage is very important to your future. Take time to get it right.

Raymond
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