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Old 14th November 2014, 08:21 PM   #16
mjker
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

Letter written.
Plan is to leave it somewhere when I go to work on Wednesday, and ask her to read it whilst she has some time to herself.
Then come home, and see how things go.

I'll update on Wednesday.....gulp......
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Old 14th November 2014, 10:52 PM   #17
chosen
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

We hope that it will help Mjker.
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Old 14th November 2014, 11:03 PM   #18
Raymond
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

You had to get to this point mjker. It is not wrong to be concerned about your marriage. It is for her benefit as well, as the marriage is for both of you. This is just the start really. A lot needs to be ironed out but you have at least made the initial step. Somehow hope has to be created for both of you.
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Old 17th November 2014, 02:09 PM   #19
mjker
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

hmmmm......
Not sure what to make of this.
She's recently started an exercise class. Said it was only her there i.e. she didn't go with anyone else she knew. And that she was going with a female friend today. But I know that some bloke she chats to on twitter has also gone today with her and her friend. And I *think* (might just be reading too much into things) that he's gone before.
Overly paranoid I'm sure.

I have to confess I've checked her emails - not sure if this is a bad idea or not. I generally come out of it feeling pretty low, especially when I see some of the negative comments on twitter about me. And it feels wrong to do it.

Wednesday.....mustn't bottle out of the letter........
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Old 17th November 2014, 03:20 PM   #20
chosen
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

Ok that does sound pretty suspicious.
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Old 17th November 2014, 06:59 PM   #21
Raymond
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

I don't think you are being overly paranoid. Does sound a little suspicious or at least a little unwise. It is not the behaviour of a faithful wife. Going with female friends would be okay or as a larger mixed group. Depends on the people really. I hope there is nothing in it. Can't see my wife ever doing that. A definite red light for me.
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Old 17th November 2014, 09:36 PM   #22
chosen
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

How about you telling her that you could do with more exercise and may come with her next time. See what her reaction is.
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Old 17th November 2014, 11:09 PM   #23
mjker
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

The yoga thing is while I'm at work.....
I work long hours. Generally leave at 6am, get back at 6.15pm
Stay overnight on Tue and Thur.

She doesn't work. Takes kids to school. Yoga. Running. Bit of housework. Facebook. Etc.
A subject for discussion when/if we get to that point. I think perhaps the years of staying at home may have destroyed her motivation, and maybe the running/socialising is a compensation or something.
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Old 17th November 2014, 11:28 PM   #24
chosen
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

How about you suggest that she gets a part time job while the children are at school ? Most women have to work today to make end meet, at least in the UK, and if she wants company thats a good way of doing it.
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Old 17th November 2014, 11:53 PM   #25
mjker
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

I'm keeping quiet about suggesting a job for now.... Would end up in me getting in trouble, sigh.
We don't need her to work, but at the same time, it's demoralising me working so hard, getting home and finding stuff from breakfast still not tidied. I'm not being all 1950s about it Would just like to feel less like a slave! And if rather my limited time with kids was spent with them, not tidying.
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Old 18th November 2014, 10:03 AM   #26
Raymond
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

The root of it is she is being destracted from the marriage and you. These other things are symptoms. If you hit them head on it doesn't change things and it could create more barriers.

I would give her the letter and see how she responds. It is important to work on our marriages sometimes when we need to and you both need to just now. That is why you have come on here.
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Old 18th November 2014, 11:31 AM   #27
ronnoco
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

My wife used to be exactly the same. I would come home from work and find breakfast bowls with rice crispies welded in and the house would be a state. We had 3 young children and although I realise bringing them up is hard, looking back she was very lazy and took me for granted. It must be very frustrating for you.

Perhaps in some way she has lost respect for you by doing all these things for her? I think this could have been the case with my ex. I was just like you, working all day, doing the washing, hoovering, taking the kids out to give her a break. I did it because I wanted to make her life as easy as possible and because I appreciated what a good mother she was to our children but In the end, it got me nowhere.

Communication is vital. For now, just leave it with the letter but think about this for the future.
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Old 18th November 2014, 01:53 PM   #28
chosen
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

If a mum is at home all day then she needs to take care of the kids and do the basic housework.I had three children and there is no way that I would ever have not washed up or done what was needed during the day. I mean how much attention are the kids getting if she spends so much time on line?

Last edited by chosen; 19th November 2014 at 12:35 AM.
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Old 18th November 2014, 10:12 PM   #29
mjker
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

I'm not sure, but if the weekends are any indication, not as much as I think they should.
Generally when I arrive home kids are watching TV and Facebook is on the computer.

Dreading tomorrow.

Have read a couple of twitter comments about how wonderful last couple of days have been. And yet she's not been doing much apparently.

I thought part of me might want the worst to happen. But the sickening feeling I have right now says otherwise.
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Old 19th November 2014, 12:37 AM   #30
chosen
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Re: What's happening?! What to do?

People lie on twitter all the time. Probably why I dont use it. In fact I hate it, its all so selfish and self centered.
I hope it goes ok for you.
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