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Old 10th July 2014, 03:53 AM   #31
1aokgal
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Re: Am i sinning and how do i stop?

Chosen..

It seems you have an innate need to put in your last word. I don't post on the forum to seek advice ..maybe some feedback, but I explored most options. You simply don't respect anothers' boundaries! That is a personality defect.

You don't get the picture. I have NO sexual problems, hang ups or dysfunctions...never did. I am married to a REFUSER .......as in "NO, no, not at all, or no, don't bother me" or other ways to say no. I also got, "I love you and don't know why I feel this way!" The pain of refusal for years for me, was huge. I also had my own issues of aversion to rejection.

My husband might say it this way as in "NO, I won't see a shrink, counselor or magician." Chosen, you must give advice though you don't grasp the situation!

That you say I am selfish or cheating another is REALLY offensive. You have NO understanding of the problem! Your need to get in your two cents baffles me. This situation is pretty simple. One can bring water to the horse, but if he won't involve himself, that is the end of it. It is how it is.
Sex is very important to a marriage. It was always important to me as a woman. It is hard to lose a human need and there are few substitutes. I have never "given up" but that is the way it stands.
There are also now other medical issues, so that part of life is over.
I told him I will set him up for a "stop smoking clinic" next available. I will go along to see he attends. He says he only smokes "a few cigs" and I said maybe he gets a "little" lung cancer next.
I never said there is no affection, or love.
I learned a lot along the way.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 10th July 2014 at 06:45 PM.
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Old 15th July 2014, 07:50 PM   #32
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Am i sinning and how do i stop?

Eh???? You must have been reading an entirely different post!!!
I wasn't referring to you in anyway, I havent a clue where you got that from, BUT to the spouse who refuses.
They are the ones who need to think of their spouses and actually make that effort to do something about their issues for the sake of their husbands or wives who they claim to love. If you love someone you dont do something that is so terribly damaging to the marriage and so terribly rejecting to your loved one without doing EVERYTHING you possibly can to sort it out no matter what that takes. Whether that be medical advise, medication, prayer and ministry, or counselling.
To ignore it and bury you head in the sand is cruel and mean. Its selfish and uncaring. Apart from that its disobeying God.

Last edited by chosen; 15th July 2014 at 09:38 PM.
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Old 6th August 2014, 06:13 PM   #33
1aokgal
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Re: Am i sinning and how do i stop?

We can label behavior until cows fly but the truth is not all problems are an easy fix. I don't agree that a person with inner problems is cruel and mean, or selfish and uncaring either. God may have other things to take care for then to police our various bedrooms.

My husband has shown me in a thousand ways through the years that he is a kind and loving man who puts me first in most situations. I agree he could use a head fix or a penis fix (or both), but at this stage in life, I long ago forgave him for shortcomings or missed performances. If I kept your mantra in my head, I would be a bitter person who has resentment and cynicism. We change all we can in life to meet our expectations but we also learn to modify that by reality, and adjust. I see my 34 years with this man as blessed. A critical, waspish woman might pick apart all the good things there are to celebrate in such a marriage, to bully and push, until there is nothing left. If one gives advice here, let's also say sex is not ALL of love nor the best part of love.
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