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Old 11th June 2012, 08:28 AM   #1
jan2012
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would be grateful for prayer

please pray for hubby and i, we are going through a very difficult time and have a small baby to think about as well. we have been in counselling for some time and it hasn't helped enough. the marriage problems don't affect him as much as they affect me. he just gets on with it, while i am left feeling very low and depressed. he speaks to me disrespectfully and harshly and can't seem to change it as his family was also like this. i don't know if i can continue living withhim as my confidence is at an all time low.
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Old 11th June 2012, 09:06 AM   #2
Raymond
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Re: would be grateful for prayer

Am praying for you Jan for the key to all this. I assume you are getting full of the Spirit when you can? We all need this and Jesus said we would receive power when He came upon us. He also called Him the comforter and the one who would lead us into all truth. These promises are in scripture where we are also commanded to be full of the Spirit. Sounds very spiritual but it is extremely practical as well.

Anyway sermon over. Will be praying for you that you will have grace to forgive and to appropriate the source of your strength.
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Old 11th June 2012, 02:03 PM   #3
Forever
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Re: would be grateful for prayer

Is your husband a Christian? Is your counselor a Christian counselor?
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Old 11th June 2012, 04:37 PM   #4
Raymond
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Re: would be grateful for prayer

The counselor is Forever but I think she dwells too much on the negative.
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Old 12th June 2012, 09:47 AM   #5
jan2012
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Re: would be grateful for prayer

thanks i did write back to you but my computer must have lost it. i am spending time with God every morning and praying and worshipping. when things get hard im determined to get closer to God as he is my only help. im so tired. physically and mentally. he has now said that he wasn't feeling well and thats why he cracked up yesterday, and has been in bed since (apart from to go to work) which is fine, i am willing to keep things going, but see when the tables are turned and im not well, im expected to mind the baby still yet he is just leaving me with her 2/7. i just feel resentment building and i know God needs to soften my heart. im just so tired. i go to see the counsellor on a one to one session tomorrow to talk about the future of the marraige
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Old 12th June 2012, 12:58 PM   #6
Raymond
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Re: would be grateful for prayer

It is a trial for you Jan. When we think things are unfair we have to say how we feel but not in a bitter way (easier said than done). When it gets like that we can do our work unto God and He will reward us regardless of the other person. I mentioned the HS because that is a source of power and strength which Jesus gives us when we ask. Yes we have to forgive seventy times seven but that doesn't preclude us from sorting things out if we can.

You will emerge from this much stronger if you do not lose hope. Hope protects your mind like a helmet. There is always hope if we are looking to christ which you are.

At least he apologised saying he was ill. Why doesn't he just take the time off work to get better? No wonder he gets tense.
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Old 12th June 2012, 03:46 PM   #7
Forever
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Re: would be grateful for prayer

Greetings Jan,

Years ago, my husband worked the night shift...this went on for a least a decade while our four children were young. He slept during the day, and not very long after he awoke, he had to get ready for work and was gone. He was not there to help with feeding an infant in the night, nor was he there during the day to help with any of the other things that needed tending to.

I started resenting the fact that all the daily (and nightly) responsibilities fell to me...then I prayed. The Lord showed me that I could choose to see my "cup" as half empty, OR as half "full", and that I needed to see what my husband WAS doing, rather than what he was NOT doing, so I made a list of those things.

I had no family near enough to help me...friends could not be bothered as they had their own families to tend to.

I then pictured myself as a single mother...as if I were suddenly left by my husband...by DRIVING HIM OUT OF OUR HOME BY MY COMPLAINING, or if he had died or had been in the military away on numerous missions.

What would I be doing then, in addition to all that I already had to do?

ALL the yard work.
Working full time for money to live on.
ALL the home repairs.
No one to entertain the baby/children for me while I cooked our dinner.
ALL the discipline of the children (with no one to back me up).
ALL the errands that he would run for me occassionally on his days off.

I would be ALONE.

I realized his value in our lives...and that my duties to my children would not end, whether or not I had a husband...and that the extra load of what he DOES do would be heaped more heavily upon my life in his absence.

I learned to get creative in order to steal some time for myself here and there...rather than to sit around fuming about his unavailability. I embraced my God given responsibilities and thanked Him that I did not have to go out and work full time as a single parent and do eveything else on top of it too.

I got off my pity party.

Hope that helps.

Kindest Regards

Last edited by Forever; 12th June 2012 at 06:57 PM.
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Old 13th June 2012, 07:41 AM   #8
jan2012
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Re: would be grateful for prayer

forever i am so sorry for what you went through, for all those years while your husband did nights, that must have been so hard. i did find that very helpful, what you said, and what it would be like for me if i was a single mum - i am taking that seriously, and i know in different ways it will be a lot harder, for many of the reasons you have mentioned.

but that is not the reason why i am wanting to leave. its the way in which he speaks to me. fundamentally, i believe he is not treating me right, he is disrespecting me on a continual basis, he is ranting and raving in my face if we have a disagreement, and usually once a week, driving me out of my own house as a result of this, and usually i have a panic attack. i have tried everything to stop this, tried saying can we talk later, i need some space etc etc etc. unfortunately the counsellor says its because his mum was also like this.

so when we have a disagreement about anything (including when i ask for help) he will be horrible to me. now if he just said no, or was out working for the day (which he works every weekend - and it is hard but i actually enjoy it more becuase i don't have the stress of him about) it would be hard but easier for me to manage. but with him speaking to me like this - i cannot handle it. it is breaking me down ,wearing me down, affecting my health, and my energy and my mood. and it is not a good atmostphere for a baby to grow up in.

yes i do want to have hope, and i understand hope being a helmet - that makes perfect sense as everytime i lose hope i feel everything is lost. but i know i need change.
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Old 13th June 2012, 08:10 AM   #9
Raymond
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Re: would be grateful for prayer

Is he a christian Jan? I believe Forever asked this before.
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Old 13th June 2012, 08:37 AM   #10
jan2012
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Re: would be grateful for prayer

yes he is a committed christian - but he doesn't have time to read the bible anymore, he prays though.
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Old 13th June 2012, 01:17 PM   #11
Raymond
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Re: would be grateful for prayer

Shame he's not reading his bible. There are very clear instructions there about a husband loving his wife. If he is praying then he is looking for answers. Pray that he finds them.

Are you able to go on a retreat anywhere to get built up? Glyndley Manor in Sussex do good weekend things or even 7 day things. Pierrepont in Surrey do similar. Just a thought, but if you went with a friend those sort of things can be refreshing and they do try and minister to particular needs that you might not be aware of.

In a way I think you have to keep strong and get built up so that you can do what you need to do and have the strength to pray for him also. You cannot change him in your own strength but you can learn how to react and maintain the boundaries that you need. A positive week away would do you good I think. Not just to rest but to get built up as well.

Maybe you will be able to get to that place to go on one about marriage together which will not be as in your face as counselling, yet you will be able to pick up good things in a relaxed atmosphere. We did a few of those in the early days and it helped to break me down and see what the priorities should be in marriage. The worse thing you can do is give up I think. If you say you are getting opposition then there must be something good that the enemy wants to destroy before it can be birthed.

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Old 9th September 2012, 04:06 PM   #12
janet
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Re: would be grateful for prayer

You have my prayers! Best of luck with dealing with your situation
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