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Old 10th August 2010, 05:00 AM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1
Prayer for my marriage

The short version: my husband has feelings for another woman.

The longer version: I had it figured out already, and asked him about it. He did not deny it, and finally admitted it, but would not confirm who it is, though I already know. I had spoken to her, since she is a friend, about his behaviour lately, and she had jokingly told me, she was glad he was my problem and not hers, as he is so very much not her type. (Which I hope was the truth.) She tells me, since she used to be an employee of ours, that she only looks at him as a boss, but she is a very lonely divorcee with 3 children, and I understand what loneliness can drive you to do.

He tells me he has not spoken to her of his feelings. He also tells me that he loves me very much, and that is the reason he has not acted on his feelings. When I asked him if he had ever been happy with me he said yes. When I asked if he wanted us to be happy together again, he said yes. Both are good signs, I hope. He also said that 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' and that he feels he will end up in hell to keep from hurting me.

Our relationship is very different now than it was when we married. Some days he treats me as if I am a princess, and other days as if I am just something he scraped off of his shoes. Our intimate life is active and I would say better than it has been in past months, though we have never had problems there.

I will admit to being in love with him before my first marriage ended, and that he is the reason for my divorce. This makes me a very bad source of advice for how to deal with his crush, since everything I did would completely go against my advice. We will have been married for 2 years in November. He is a new Christian, but we have not been attending church due to our work hours. (We run a pub and are up very late on weekend nights, and back again on Sunday at noon.) Since we live and work in the same building, we are constantly together and have no apart time. His father is an atheist and his mother has never attended church, short of having her sons baptised. His entire family is very self centred and very selfish. He used to be a bit of a 'bad boy' and was into marajuana, and shall we say a very promiscuous lifestyle, before we got together. I know that up until me, he had never been faithful to a partner, ever. I, on the other hand, was raised a Southern Baptist Pentecostal, and had never even considered other men until my marriage went bad and we met. I have brought all that baggage with me, I fear.

We are both under loads of stress, as the pub isn't paying the bills and we have very little to live on, let alone to go out and enjoy ourselves. Money is a word from my past, not my present, and he has never been taught to budget or to go without what he wants in order to pay the bills, so he is very frustrated when I keep him to living within our means. He comments that he isn't 'allowed' to go out, when the fact of the matter is, we can't afford to. So he feels he is 'under the thumb' as it were. To compound matters, I am an American, married to an Englishman and living in England, without the benefit of lifelong friends or family to serve as a support system. We are also planning to put in for full residence of his 5 year old son, who we have found out is being abused by his mother and who is now living with his maternal grandmother. Among the work, paperwork for legal aid for solicitors bills, calls to social care, lack of funds, job stress, and lack of free time, you can see the stress we are under.

I guess I am looking for prayers and support as well as advice. I have asked if he would like to see a counselor. He says he is willing to speak to our vicar alone, but not as a couple. He is, and always has been, very private with his true emotions and even believes that prayer is only meant to be a private communtication with God, not for others to intrude on. When I have asked him if we could pray together, he flat refuses because it is supposed to be just him, or just me, talking to God, not both of us together. So any scripture references directing us to pray aloud together would also be useful, as would any other verses you can direct me to. I just need help. I'm not praying for patience at the moment, but I think I must have made the mistake of praying for strength recently, because I suddenly find I am inundated with situations requiring me to be the strong one.

Please, pray for us, advise us, and lift us up for the Lord's mercies.
Icarias is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th August 2010, 08:44 AM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Prayer for my marriage

Hi Icarious. Your husband needs to deal with this crush before it causes trouble in your marriage. We are married to our wives in the sight of God and made vows before Him and need to keep pure.

You certainly need to pray together as a couple. That is fundemental in our marriage. Marriage is the ideal setting for if two of you agree on anything it shall be done, of course in faith. Peter says in 1 Pet 3:7 Husbands dwell with them (wives) with understanding, giving honour unto the wife as the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

I recommend that you both go to a spirit filled church that you can be built up together. Being cut of from fellowship and not even praying together can be detrimental although I know you both pray on your own. You need both.

If there is anything in your past that needs to be cleared you need to do that before God. I think you need to taste another spiritual atmosphere where god's spirit can speak to you.

Will pray.

Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th August 2010, 09:45 PM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Prayer for my marriage

I agree with Raymond totally. You both need to find a good and lively church where you can get teaching, fellowship, accountability and healing.
Your husband needs to stop seeing this other lady completely,and also he needs to stop any thoughts that he has about her.The Bible tells us to take every thought captive, and we dont have to allow ourselves to dwell on people when we are married to someone else.

Also you both need to truly repent for all the things from the past, such as your adultery, and all of his sexual encounters, and ask God to cleanse you both from all of that past. Marriages and relationships that begin when one leaves their spouse for the other rarely succeed but with Gods help I am sure you can make this work.
Maybe you both need to speak to the pastor and tell him of the past and ask him to pray for you. If he refuses to go with you then go apart.

Praying togather is a really good idea also.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote

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