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Old 22nd June 2010, 12:53 PM   #1
Posts: n/a
Looking for help

I am looking for help, inspiration and insight.

I am not the type of person to seek "help" - I make my own decisions and choices - I seek my own counsel.

However, in this instance, I firmly know that my vision is clouded - and that I need insight into my husband's perspective.

My husband is a devout Christian - a Knight Templar, actually. He is active in online forums - and in politics (online).

I am spiritual but no longer a practicing Catholic. I have my reasons for leaving the Catholic church - However, each second of my life I live for God. I cannot explain that - if you understand then you understand. Every act, every task is an act of love and worship for me.

I have studied and even practiced many religions - and recognize each human has a road to God - sometimes very different roads. I see paths as God's way of bringing us to the truth - and because we are different, we have different paths or puzzles to figure out the right path. That is the sum of my spirituality.

My husband, however, has decided that I am evil. He does not trust me at all. He lives a secret life online. He demanded I delete him as a friend on Facebook - he locks his phone and computers. He constantly states that I am going to hell and when the Christians take over I will burn or be drawn and quartered for not believing in Christ.

My parents are pagans. I respect thier path - although I am not big on the hocus-pocus candle magic stuff. It is just silly - but I never insult them. My husband is "terrified" and wants me never to see them again. He avoids them and is threatened by thier altars and candles.

To me it is meaningless - What a person does every day to care for others - to show compassion - to fulfill thier duties to family and community - that is what counts. My parents are good people - do charity work, have friends, care for sick neighbors.

My husband does not see it that way. At all.

I had a statue of Buddha in my garden. He shot it's face out. He told me that I was honoring another God. It is a garden decoration - although I have studied Buddhism - Zen particularly - and appreciate the concepts of "no thought" and nirvana - the ability to just "be" and become one with the infinite. Meditation is a big part of my life.

My husband will not allow meditation or yoga - as evil and worthless.

He also does not trust me - although I have done nothing to earn distrust. I am loyal and faithful - bring double the money into the house he does - I do all the housework and repairs as well. All of it. I even fixed the air conditioner this weekend while he sat watching Southpark and complained he was "hot." I cleaned the house, did the laundry, visited my father, paid all the bills, shopped for food, cooked and fixed the A/C. He did nothing. TV and Facebook.

And I have a stomach flu. He actually told me to go to the store and get myself something because he was "tired."

Two years ago he demanded we divide our bank accounts. He says I was overspending. The truth is he spends his money on junk - t-shirts and stuff for his jeep - and actually ran my credit cards from a zero balance to $40,000 in debt. That is correct. $40,000. About $5,000 of that debt is mine - and spent on my children. The rest is his. It was after that he demanded we divide the accounts.

There is so much more.

I am divorced twice before. I take full responsibility for both failures. The first, my husband was mentally ill and was committed. I have a restraining order as he tried to kill me and assaulted our children. That was over 20 years ago....

The second husband and I just never really bonded. We knew it and called it quits - but he demanded I take the marital debt - the mortgages. I did so. Stupidly, yes, but I make a lot of money and figured I could just suck it up - take it on.

After my current husband and I were married - and the credit cards were maxed - he demanded the accounts be divided; refuses to pay anything on this mortgage or this house - because it is mine and my ex's problem as far as he is concerned.

I am now facing foreclosure and bankruptcy. My husband will not contribute financially at all - and in fact is purchasing another home out of state. He also has me depositing money into his account so he can make that purchase "for us."

I think he wants me away from my family and children - and I am scared.

I don't know anymore what to do. We have broken up a few times (he drinks a bottle of Jack every Saturday) and now he won't leave unless I give him $25,000.

I am so confused. There is so much to tell.

I just want to seek Christian advice. Am I evil? Why can't he trust me? What can I do?

I promised if I married again it would be forever and for love. I thought it was - now I am scared. All these secrets, no support system.

He says he does all this to bring me to Christ - to show me the way. He says I am "lost" and he is teaching me a lesson.

Am I lost?

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Old 22nd June 2010, 06:07 PM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Looking for help

He doesn't sound much like a christian to me Angel. Even Jesus said by their fruits you shall know them. Husbands love your wives is mentioned quite a lot in the new testament and for me it is the biggest thing a christian should take on board within marriage. If he wants you to believe in Jesus he should be manifesting the love which is the end of all commandments in the sense that it is the goal of the commandments in the new testament.

You are quite clearly very divided on belief but if one is already in a marriage from a christian point of view we are told to dwell with an unbeliever if they are pleased to dwell with us.

As a christian myself I think your husband is bringing disrepute on the name of christ and I wonder if all he has is head knowledge rather than a living relationship with Christ.

It sounds to me that there is extreme incompatability between you inasmuch he is so adamant in carrying out his beliefs against you. Really it doesn't have much to do with christianity more of him being extremely selfish. Something is terribly wrong somewhere and his expression of christianity just doesn't add up. Maybe this Knight's Templar thing is a cult or something?

I can't really see an answer at the moment but I will give it some thought.

Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th July 2010, 02:45 PM   #3
Jeff Childers
Posts: n/a
Re: Looking for help

My heart breaks for you as I read you post. I am so sorry that you are in pain. Not sure about anything. I remember when I was in such a place. You are a very special person and god loves you so much.

Your marriage
From an outside view it sounds like your marriage is at a very rocky place. I suggest marriage mediation amd/or counselling.

The Strife
I assume you are part of the concept of the goddess or perhaps wiccan. It would be very difficult for a christian to understand and except your belief system just like how pagans view christians. But these are judgements about people and not about jesus.

You and god
Much like yourself I "Looked for god" and honestly I was running from him as fast as I could. It wasn't until I was truly broken that I found he was with me all along and he wanted me to let him share his love with me. I found something that most can't understand. You see our god so loved the world that he sent his only son to die for us. He is your god and he loves you even if you haven't found him... trust me he is there. All he asked is admit that we are flawed and believe in him. To put away childish things and be transformed. It is that simple.

My belief isn't a silver bullet I still make mistakes and go thru the same things as everyone else but I have a "peace" that defies understanding.
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Old 6th July 2010, 05:09 PM   #4
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Looking for help

What is a Knights Templar? Is it like a freemason?
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Old 22nd May 2011, 02:55 AM   #5
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 8
Re: Looking for help

Perhaps you could discuss with a clergy. say strong there is hope.
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Old 22nd May 2011, 05:49 PM   #6
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 816
Re: Looking for help

I say, counseling too.
I'm not sure but maybe, "religion" has nothing to do with the sheer state of the whole chaos? A bad marriage is a bad marriage whether you are a Christian or not.
Chamomile is offline   Reply With Quote

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