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Old 4th May 2014, 01:30 PM   #1
Registered User
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 3
Am i sinning and how do i stop?

Hello I am new on here but spent some time last night reading through some of the threads and thought this is the place I may get some peace or at least advice on how to achieve it. Here goes.

I've just started to type out our history and deleted - 4 times! not getting any clearer to right.

as background we have been married 10 years, am blessed with two lovely children (7 and 5) who make life worth living. we are a practising Christian family.

long and short of it he does not demonstrate love or affection and has very little sex drive. whereas I would love to receive physical love and affection and sex. he doesn't even let me show him affection. Not at all sure he loves me - got nothing really to go by. I do love him but I suppress it now (God knows I love my husband) we argue a lot. and we haven't had sex since.......I think 2012. have gone full years(s) without it. he says its my [problem and I have to cope with it. how did we get children - tended to be me begging and coaxing.

So I work on making things calm and tolerable - for the kids and my sanity - to accept my lot as there are other things to be grateful for. but the lack of love, affection and sex is hard to bear to know I won't get this for the rest of my life.

But my sex drive rears its ugly head every month and ruins things as I cant control the wanting. At other times i cope very well and i see the effect it has on the family - much happier (Husband happier but does not change anything between us sex wise). I don't pester my husband - anymore and I don't really touch him anymore. he will give me a kiss on the lips occasionally but its such a shock I don't get time to respond. but I "self-love" and have fantasied about other men - try to keep it anonymous rather than a real person doesn't always happen.

so the fact that I fantasied about another man - have I committed adultery? Is my husband not at fault regards withholding sex and not meeting my needs? this thought makes me resent him - am I wrong on this point. As I wont go anywhere else and husband wont do anything to change how do I cope with the longing and wanting but most of all stop the fantasying? I try fantasying using my husband but its too real and painful regards rejection over years. And then it starts me wanting him when i know i cant have him.

how do I stop the sinning? how do I stop the resentment that his actions lead me sin even though I know only we can sin no one makes us.

Anyone got an answer? What do I do to cope? Not sure what God wants me to do. The emotional and physical longing is the greatest issue. If i could control this I'd be able to cope better with my lot.
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