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Old 12th April 2011, 06:09 PM   #11
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Married and lonely

It is so easy to see the others faults. Don't we see it on here a lot of the time? I think the very inner mind process of writing the other off can seriously affect a marriage. You must have loved him to start with and now you feel he wasn't what you expected. Do you think you are what he expected Sasha? I know I wasn't what my wife expected and there was a lot of adjustment to do on both sides.

When I say you need to encourage the good I certainly do not mean in a condescending way. You say that when he does a little around the house you perhaps begrudge thanking him because that is what he is supposed to do. I am talking about a broader picture than that. Is the whole goal just about what he does around the house?

I am assuming you have a full time job by the sound of it. Is not his money enough? Just a thought. You say he works hard as a policeman and perhaps rightly or wrongly he just wants to flop when he gets home. I think you have some power in what happens and can affect things more than you think you can. A woman's encouragement is a very powerful tool. I don't think it is said in vain that behind every successful man is a woman. The scripture says she was given to him as a helper. I certainly appreciate how my wife has helped me to become a better person even though at the beginning I had at times to use scriptures such as love your enemies as that is how I was seeing it.

I think you should set goals as to what you want to see. Not selfish goals but goals that would lead him to be a better person and encourage any small steps he makes towards that. Things like being more loving to his son being considerate etc. etc.

I know what you are thinking. He should be doing all this anyway. You have to start from where you are though and accept him how he is. Once you accept and love him for who he is with all the faults you have described a change will happen. I challenge you to thank God for the good things you see in him. Write down a list and even tell him if you are up to it.
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