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Old 1st March 2000, 12:05 PM   #1
Liz
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 662
Post Speaking of University

On another forum, Debbie Allen writes:
My daughters are in Universities and I was wondering if they were thinking about implementing something for marriage studies in their curriculum as well. I have watched my daughters go from relationship to relationship. Is there nothing a parent can do once they reach the age of consent and you know they are doing what they shouldn't be doing? How do you speak to your loved ones so they will listen or even just think about where they might be taking their young lives? Their father and I were divorced when they were in their pre-teens and it wasn't all that pretty for them to go through. We have both since remarried and we both have done some bad things that the girls have been through--how do you fix it so they don't make the same mistakes? I know all this is alot, but I care where my girls take their lives and I pray to God that they make the right choices.

Thanks,
Debbie

In reply,
The UK government has plans to expand the curriculum in PSE (Personal and Social Education) to include marriage and relationship skills. This was something that was assumed to happen within families, but many youngsters are missing out on this back-up, through family breakdown. As far as we know there are no plans for UK university courses, which don't tend to have such broad social elements to their courses. We expect that some university Christian Unions tackle the subject of relationships and marriage. we don't know what the situation is in USA.

When it comes to watching our own children making mistakes and often repeating our own as they grow up, it can be very painful. All the way through their lives we need to be building and adjusting our relationship with them, so they know we are there for them to turn to and so they seek us out to discuss their values and their hopes and dreams. This is quite a challenge, especially if things go wrong or have gone wrong in the past between us.

Once our children are adults then we need to get that balance between accepting them for who they are, while not necessarily agreeing with their values and their behaviour. One thing that has always meant a lot to me, and actually kept me from quite a few mistakes, was my father's words many years ago: "We love you, and we always will, whatever you do." These words also kept the door open for me when I was living in a way which I knew really hurt them. If it hadn't been for that I might have rebelled against all they stood for and walked away. It may have seemed to them at times that I had, but a lot of what they taught me stuck and won through in the end.

It's amazing what positive input you can give by listening to your children and waiting for the appropriate opportunities to ask questions which may challenge them, or to share how your mistakes affected you. Also they need true dependable friends and you can still be that to them.

Finally prayer works miracles eventually, in God's timing, and not always the way we expect.
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Old 19th September 2000, 10:10 PM   #2
Cherokee
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This is hard as my kids are not quite at that stage yet,but my daughter aged 14 is getting to the stage that she disagrees with everything .I just wait till a good time and remind her gently that i am always here if she needs me.I find it hard as we used to be close and affectionate and i feel that has gone to a certain extent.The only thing i will say is that it seems to be worse if you keep repeating things,say how you feel then shut up after,sometimes they do mull things over,even when you think they havent listened to a word you have said.
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