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Old 9th February 2012, 12:39 AM   #16
1aokgal
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Re: The First Few Weeks

Dear Wam...

It seems the focus of much of the anger was toward the OM. The letter writing and such, as if someone will steal you away. When there is an affair it seems the wife also fixated on the OW. The outside, 3rd party, is not usally the one who begins the affair. It is the man or woman in the marriage who indicated their needs are unmet and will confide in the other person thus opening the door to intimacy.

Thats' why friendships and work colleagues, of the opposite sex, may pose a danger in the marriage. When I used to work evening appointments with a co-worker, I drove my own car. We arranged to meet at the clients place. Otherwise friendships can be forged which get sticky. I never wanted any discussion having to do with my personal issues.

If you live in a small town, talk can get started over something innocent, that gets interpreted another way. In future you will have to walk very carefully to rebuild the trust that has been lost. There needs to be a lot of reassurance from you that this is put behind. No contact at all with the OM involved.

Statistics reveal that when a woman strays in a marriage, there is less tolerance by men, than a wife if it was him that strayed. Wives seem to always have some worry so keep a closer eye on the man. It may be hard to get back on track. Perhaps that attitude has to do with the fact men take the wife for granted. They expect her to always be there.
Perhaps, that comes from the old double standard attitude between men and women.

You both have understanding and forgiveness to work through, so you can get to a better place.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 11th February 2012 at 02:05 AM.
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affair, betrayal, infedelity

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