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Old 9th July 2011, 03:27 AM   #1
GilbertSalinas1990
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Red face your opinion

Hey all I'm new to this and still learning but first and foremost I am already having problems in marriage but my first question to every body is do you think I was to young to get married. I got married at 20 years old and my wife is 20 years old to we been married for 8 months and were together 2 years before marriage and now we live together no kids we both work and constantly argue over dum stuff.

So that is alittle bit about me.

I just heard a lot of people say we were too young but we were in love and got married and now I'm just hopeful in the future we would be ok
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Old 9th July 2011, 05:33 AM   #2
1aokgal
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Re: your opinion

GilbertSalinas..

Welcome. I'm sorry that things seem to be rough for you right now. The marriage is a "done deal" already and so why do you want our opinion?
What is all the "dum" stuff you argue about? You said "we were in love." How is that going now?
Are you close to any family there?

How about some more information.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 10th July 2011 at 04:27 PM.
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Old 9th July 2011, 09:39 AM   #3
chosen
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Re: your opinion

It is fairly young to marry, but I do know many people who have married at that age or younger, and are still married 30 and more years later. Its only in recent years that couples have been getting married so much later with women putting careers before families, and also couples living together for several years before they marry.
You are married now anyway so you need to work at it and remember your promises. Have you thought of marriage counselling? I have heard that for many couples the first 2 years can be difficult as you both adjust to married life.
'The marriage course' by Nicky and Sila Lee is very good. Its run in most areas of the UK and also in other countries. It only 6 weeks long and will give you many tools for communication and resolving conflict etc. Look on this site www.themarriagecourse.org and you can see if there is one near you.
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Old 9th July 2011, 07:04 PM   #4
Chamomile
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Re: your opinion

Hi GS

It's hard to say. I certainly never thought about getting married at the age of 20 yrs old but everyone is different. When you are in your early Twenties, you would probably need to be selfish enough to be able to pursue your career, social life or education or all of the above and you are so focused in these things in your life. So I should think that's not an ideal time to think about marriage which takes up a lot of time, energy and added work in that life stage, generally speaking. Having said that, I personally would have loved to have met my h much earlier in my life. So life is full of contradictions xxx
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Old 9th July 2011, 07:17 PM   #5
Helen_uk
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Re: your opinion

Hi GS

As a 47 year old I'd say yes , 20 is wayyyyyyy too young to get married, however I married at 16 so am not in a position to criticize !

Whatever age you marry you go through stages , the first flush of love which is all romance / engagements /wedding ...then comes the settling in together part and lots of people have problems with that bit . It's when those endearing little traits become irritating habits as you get to know each other better . I think that's where you're at now ....

This bit takes work , compromise and communication to get through it and that's when the strong bonding love kicks in . Are you both prepared to work as hard at your marriage as you do at your jobs ?
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Old 10th July 2011, 11:21 AM   #6
chosen
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Re: your opinion

Wow Helen, 16?I thought that I was young marrying at 19.
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Old 10th July 2011, 12:25 PM   #7
Helen_uk
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Re: your opinion

Yes, very young, far too young but at the time I needed to get away from an abusive home situation and my then boyfriend had just joined the armed forces , which meant we could not only get me away from my home town but also have a fairly cheap rental property in the form of married quarters . It seemed like a good idea but was in fact a very bad one . I went from the frying pan to the fire and was lucky to escape 4 years later with my mental health in tact.

I had my eldest son at 19 though so it wasn't all bad.
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Old 10th July 2011, 12:33 PM   #8
chosen
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Re: your opinion

yes the kids make it worth it dont they.I had my first at 21. I said to my children that I felt a good age to marry was late 20's ish and having children around 30 and early 30's ish. MY son married this year age 33 (his wife is nearly 29) and my older daughter is getting married next April and she will be 31. Quite good ages I think. They have both said that there is no way they were ready for marriage at the age I got married, but I do have ftriends who have had great and lomg marriages despite marrying at about 20 ish, so it can work.
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Old 10th July 2011, 12:54 PM   #9
Helen_uk
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Re: your opinion

I sometimes look at my 2 sons, one is 28 and one 21 and to me they still seem very young . Neither anywhere near ready for the commitment of marriage or even a long term relationship.

I had no childhood as it was and then my teenage years were taken up with marriage and children. It wasn't until after the break up of my second marriage , by which time the kids were older, that I could stretch my wings and enjoy dating ....And enjoy just being me . Surprisingly I found lots of people in the same boat .
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Old 10th July 2011, 03:58 PM   #10
chosen
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Re: your opinion

I agree. I have 2 step sons aged 24 and nearly 28 and I just cant believe that I had 2 (and at the older ones age, 3) children at their ages. They sometimes just seem like teenagers,and very immature.
Neither has a girlfriend though, so it doesnt look like either will marry for some yet.
My youngest daughter is nearly 26, and has had a serious boyfriend for 5 years now and she is pretty mature.
I never regretted getting married at 19 though, even though the marriage ended after 25 years.I felt ready for marriage, and many of those around got married at a similar age so it didnt seem odd.
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Old 15th November 2011, 10:37 AM   #11
beenthere
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Re: your opinion

You have to remember what you think is dumb may be very important to her. So you all have to communicate and remember why you all got married. 20 may be young but you all did it and enjoy the time you have together without children. If you both are dedicated to making the marriage work it will work and dont sweat the small stuff there will be bigger things you all will have to discuss (not argue) in the future. Life is too short and you all need to enjoy each other and remember why you looked into each others eyes and said I do. Dont start doubting the marriage because you all are arguing, no marriage is argue free. Just dont argue about the same thing over and over. If you cant handle the small stuff you wont be able to handle the bigger issues. Good luck.
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Old 23rd November 2011, 06:43 PM   #12
Chamomile
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Re: your opinion

Hi beenthere

I think you're making a lot of sense in what you say.

Good to see a new poster on this site
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