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Old 5th April 2004, 11:30 PM   #1
catherine
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 2
vicars threats

I am thw mother of the bride in 7 weeks time and having worked hard in planning the big day for the last 12 months the officiating vicar appears to have made a career of upsetting bridal couples and their families before,during and after the ceremony. He has been reported to the Diocese but seems to enjoy his control over events of the wedding dictating to the final minute. Having made one meeting my daughter was devasted that this man was to marry her on the most important day of her life. It is too late to make alternative arrangements but I would welcome any advice.
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Old 6th April 2004, 09:35 AM   #2
Liz
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 662
Smile Re: vicars threats

Dear Catherine

Theoretically you can ask another vicar you know to marry you, but that does need the permission of the vicar of the parish you are being married in, so you would have to handle it carefully. As you say it is probably too late to change things. Do you know another clergyman well enough to ask?

It is awful facing up to the possibility that this day may not turn out to be the one your daughter wanted. Might I suggest that you and you daughter and fiancée sit down together and discuss the expectations you have for the wedding ceremony, because it is these that colour the way we respond emotionally to events. If we expect something to happen and it doesn’t we feel disappointed. On the other hand, if you fear the worst and the vicar behaves in a helpful way then you will find your spirits lifted on the day.

Our wedding day was a disaster in one sense in that I hadn't realised to wait for the vicar at the back of the church and we marched up the aisle before he had come out of the vestry. There was chaos for a few moments and we all ended up laughing. Sometimes looking back I regret that it was so disorganised but at the time it lightened the atmosphere and helped everyone relax. So disasters can be turned to positive experiences.

Perhaps the key is to keep your sense of humour, to focus on the couple and the vows they are making and to keep it all in perspective. So long as they keep their eyes and hearts on each other, what happens around them will be less important. It is one day in the whole of their lives which will be made up of lots of other happy memories, so if you can't control what goes on in the ceremony, there will be lots of other joys ahead.

I do hope that you can sort out any difficulties and that your duaghter’s day goes off smoothly and happily.

Liz
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Old 7th April 2004, 06:05 PM   #3
catherine
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 2
Re: vicars threats

Thanks liz for your advice I am certainly considering asking the Chaplain at work, I will speak to the couple but as yet they do not know half his history which has come to light in the last week! They are both rather fragile and I know this could ruin the day if he is true to form.
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