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Old 18th January 2016, 07:45 PM   #1
susan123
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 6
Confused between two men, help!

Hi everyone,

Before I start I would like to say that I come from a rather conservative culture where more often than not we are introduced to a 'potential spouse' with the view of marriage if things work out. I have been given the liberty to find someone on my own but I willfully asked for help in being introduced to someone as I have not done too well finding someone entirely on my own and I'm in my 30s now.

Now with that in mind I have been introduced to 2 men and gotten to know them for awhile. Let's say man 1 is John and man 2 is Eric. I've known John for 1 year and Eric for 4.5months. Both men are aware I'm getting to know 2 people at the same time...this is not what most of you will think...I'm not two timing or being intimate with either of them...it's just a very complex cultural tradition of 'finding the one.'

The truth is that I'm in love with John. I like his personality and his upbringing is similar to mine. I also find him a lot more attractive and he is a believer and is closer to God. The negative thing about him is that he is a serial player and is now trying to get out of it. This is a huge problem for me because I feel extremely insecure about such behavior because he hasn't entirely stopped having sex with other women in the time he has gotten to know me albeit he has reduced it. This has hurt me very much. I have discussed it with him and he says he will try to change but I'm not convinced. He also has a very reckless attitude towards his work and is currently not doing his best. My family doesn't like him much either and want me to keep away after knowing this about him.

Eric is the complete opposite of John. I respect him loads and think he is a very focused and driven man. He treats me well, is very hardworking and is not a player. My family also loves him. The only problem is I don't feel any love for him and my attraction is less even though he is good looking by most people's standards. Our upbringing is also very different and he is very far from his faith. I feel like he is a bit too absorbed in the material aspect of this world which makes me wonder if this will be a problem in the future or it's that he's just being cautious about his future.

The problem is that I cannot keep getting to know 2 people at the same time for much longer...it's also emotionally exhausting. The only reason why Eric even came into the picture was because of John's infidelity issues which he keeps assuring me will be resolved once he marries. I'm torn between a safe, loving and caring Eric vs a fun John with whom I share more similarities but potential heartbreak.
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