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Old 28th February 2014, 02:07 PM   #1
Redned
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2
Income differenced

Hi all,

It's been about 5 years since I was last here... I did find it very beneficial then!

Firstly I'm not married - anymore.

I have been seeing a wonderful girl/woman since last October - it's lovely! Guess I should state I'm 43 and she's 41.

My question is, how to deal with a massive income difference. I hold traditional values but I'd like to think I'm a modern man. I open doors for people but do not believe in the man has to work whilst the woman does the house work. I have my own home and know how to cook and clean. I have my two daughter every other weekend.

So back to the question. I earn about 70k. I don't know what she earns, and don't need to, but it's probably about x4 what I do.

It's very early days, she is Australian and her work means that she is back and forth between Australia and the UK - currently back in Aus for 6 weeks. I'm interested on peoples views experiences if they have been in a similar situation. I have made it clear that I earn less than her. Also I have just been stung with a horrendous tax bill so money is even tighter.

I would love to be able to take care of restaurant bills etc etc most of the time, sadly, I can't (this is the old school values kicking in!)

I do feel a little embarrassed that I can't "look after" her in this way, but I'd like to think I'm not being a stubborn so and so and letting my pride get in the way...

Veiws/opinions/experiences most welcome
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Old 2nd March 2014, 12:54 PM   #2
ronnoco
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
Re: Income differenced

Hello Redned,

My opinion is that you should not be taking care of her and the bills. It really should be 50/50 at this stage.

Although I have to admit, it's a nice "gentlemanly" thing to do, if it's not practical, then you shouldn't be doing it.

My wife and I separated 8 months ago. When I move on and find someone else, I know right now that I wont be able to do what you are suggesting as my finances simply wont allow it. I have very little spare each month at the moment.

If I might someone who expected the man to pay for everything, it would be over very quickly! - this is a good thing because that is not the person I want.

If your partner has integrity, morals and good values, she wont expect you to do this. Integrity is the most important factor in a person in my eyes. You will find out what sort of character she is from this and that's a good thing :-)

Be honest with her. If she wants to do a fancy outing and you can't afford it, just explain. If she has the qualities I'm talking about, she'll most probably offer to pay for you as well. If the tables were turned, you would wouldn't you?

Good luck!
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Old 2nd March 2014, 03:55 PM   #3
Redned
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2
Re: Income differenced

Thanks Ronnoco,

And sorry to hear your separation is so recent... believe me it gets easier.

I agree with everything you said. And yes she has integrity - by the bucketload. She is aware of my financial situation. Up until now we've generally gone 50/50 as it's been affordable for me.

The tax bill I've just been landed with will severely alter this (hence the post) I just feel a little embarrassed i guess not being able to pay my way, as this has never been the case in my past...
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Old 2nd March 2014, 06:32 PM   #4
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Income differenced

IF you are serious about each other then you need to talk about all this fact to face. Some men would struggle to be with a woman who earns so much more than him, but if that isnt an issue for you then that's fine.
You are both very blessed to have such high incomes(yours is high as well),and you should never need to struggle financially because of this. Be very thankful, because most people aren't so fortunate. To be honest you shouldnt be short of money if you earn that much, and if you are then you may need to look at what you spend it all on.

The constant long separations may put far more strain on the relationship that any wage difference, and if the relationship lasts, one of you will need at some point to leave your country to be with the other, so you will need to think of that especially because you have children. If she were to change jobs where she wasn't flying to the UK all the time, or retire(which she may do early because she is so well off), then would she come and live in the UK? All things that need to be thought about.
Does she have children? Has she been married before?

Last edited by chosen; 3rd March 2014 at 07:43 AM.
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Old 3rd March 2014, 11:20 AM   #5
ronnoco
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
Re: Income differenced

Thanks Redned, i'm doing ok.

If she has the qualities you say she has, this will probably be a blessing for you because when you have the talk, she will feel humbled by what you are saying and appreciate the fact that you have been honest and upfront with her. It should and hopefully will bring you even closer.

Don't feel bad at all. Just for the record, i'd be happy with half of your salary!

All the best.
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Old 7th March 2014, 01:49 PM   #6
John_agape
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Re: Income differenced

Money should not be an issue if your relationship is sound, with respect, responsibility honesty and integrity. Only when the situation is heading towards poverty level is money a problem.

The man paying the way is relevant if the woman has a very low income or no income. When the woman is earning a decent salary, then a 50/50 split is practical and quite OK.

My wife worked when I studied, and I worked when she studied.

My wife and I have been from well off to poverty, and had to start again. I was retrenched we lost our house through repossession. Most of our saving went into the house, and with the loss of our house we lost our savings. I tried to start a new business, but although it was going well we needed more investment or go bankrupt. We were destitute and were not living in Europe at the time, so there was no social security net. Destitute was destitute.

We have bounced back and we are living comfortably again. During all this money, or the lack of it, was not a strain on our relationship. It helped us bond together stronger by working through the difficulties.

So my advice is that there are enough troubles along the way, your separations from time to time being one, do not let money be an a issue. It is your choice if it is an issue or not.
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Old 14th March 2014, 02:52 PM   #7
LibraLady
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 89
Re: Income differenced

Don't allow money to be an issue in what souinds like a nice relationship you have. I understand how you say you feel, as a man wanting to be a provider. BUT , team work makes a dream work. lay all the cards out on the table, tell her how you feel and your concerns. She will be able to process that way better than if you stopped taking her out and shying away from good times because you are worried about money.

Aside from that, there are 10000 other ways to have fun for free or for little money, be creative. Do some research....we women LOVE creative ideas......Good Luck!
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