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Old 21st May 2012, 03:44 PM   #1
pmsc69
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Relationships & Depression

I am sitting here now 2 years on after my break up with my ex wife of 20 years and wonder how many people have ended up in the same situation that I am in now,.

I have discovered that no matter how much you love someone you can end up at rock bottom. Pick yourself up and then hit rock bottom again but every time you hit rock bottom it feels worse. Far worse than the previous time. Why is this? Is it because we kick ourselves for landing in the same situation again or worse,

I cannot believe where I am now. I was once happy and content and regardless of how little friends and social life I had. Reason being was because I was with my children and a wife of so many years. Towards the last two years of our marriage we started to feel the pressures and our marriage started to break down. Needless to say that she ended up leaving for for another man.

It took it hard as I thought we were solid and despite all the grief I have had to see my son and harassment I still respect her even if she shouts abuse at me on the street.

It took me a while but in that time I found that I had no friends around me. No one I could go to or trust. Then I met someone last summer and my whole world changed. I felt alive again and we wanted to be with each other almost every day. We did everything together and couldnt wait to see each other again. Soon I found that the relationship was wrong in so many way and reason. But I kept hold of her as I had nothing else in my life. It felt like love and I am sure it was love. However as I said the pressures and demands became beyond control and I started to suffer sever headaches on a daily basis. To cut it short I started to leave her every time she hurt me emotionally or physically. Every time we broke up it was harder and I felt more depressed because I knew the relationship was wrong but yet I needed her in my life. It got to the stage where we had a nasty breakup and hurt each other severely.

Now I am sitting here, crashed to rock bottom and realised that I have no friends around. No one for support and I cant think straight or even drive. The amount of times I nearly drove into another vehicle I could not say. I feel so depressed and nearly ended up in a mental ward. Sometimes I wished they kept me in as I have no enthusiasm or will to do anything. I haven been into work such is the depression that I can wake up and I have a constant headache.

What makes me feel worse is that I promised myself that I would never end up in this place again. And I HAVE! If you have read my other posts you will know that there is more that I have experienced and things that no one should see or go through. But I am angry. I am angry at myself, the world and the false friends that I thought I had. I am also angry at my last girlfriend for putting me where I am now. If it wasn't for her pressures and demands on top of the insecurity that she reflected on me I wouldnt be like this. I have had other short relaionships and never suffered any of this. Not even from my ex wife.

I know I can rebuild my life AGAIN but I need help. I can do it alone. The emotional side I know I have to but the physical side of things like socialising and getting all this anger out of me I cannot seem to master. Most days I wake up like rubbish and go o bed feeling he same. Other days I wake up feeling fine but i doesn't take long and I feel like crap again.

Has anyone feel like his or experienced this. If so what did you do to recover if you had. I now know how people feel when hey are down and get told to cheer up. It doesnt help hearing that.

I honestly feel like I am having a breakdown or worse,
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Old 21st May 2012, 03:50 PM   #2
pmsc69
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Re: Relationships & Depression

Sorry for the typos. My T button seems to have something underneath it and doesnt always recognise that it has been pressed.
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Old 21st May 2012, 05:41 PM   #3
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Re: Relationships & Depression

PMSC
I think that you need to go and see the doctor because you may well need medication to help you. Secondly, find a really good counsellor(maybe the doctor will recommend someone) and talk it out with them. It will help so much just do to these 2 things, and then when you are feeling a bit better, get out there. Do a hobby or sport(exercise is brilliant for depression) or join a club or whatever it takes to meet people and to feel part of the human race again.
I think that you know that you werent ready for another relationship, and thats why you clung onto her for comfort. Thats what many do, and that is why so many second marriages fail. If I were you, I wouldnt considering another relationship until you feel emotionally strong and healthy again, which will probably take a couple of years or so.
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Old 21st May 2012, 05:57 PM   #4
pmsc69
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Re: Relationships & Depression

I know chosen. I have had a couple of dates and other chances but when it comes to it I just do no feel ready or comfortable to be with anyone.

I have seen my doctor twice and I am taking medication but it isnt helping. I keep looking for things to do and I think of them but when it comes to it I cant bring myself around to even try.
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Old 21st May 2012, 06:09 PM   #5
Raymond
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Re: Relationships & Depression

I have been there to a certain extent. Broken in other ways though through an unurtured orphan upbringing. The ultimate answer for me wasn't pills although they may help temporarily. I went into a christian meeting and someone brought a word that could only be inspired from above. It said "Your life is a dry old desert. It is so dry that there are cracks appearing in it. I want to come in and seep into those cracks and bring life to your soul" I knew God was speaking to me whoever He was. The next week I gave my life to Christ through an invitation. He is still the same today and will be the same for you as He was for me and still is. He is the door to the Father and really the hope for all. If you need to pray pray through Jesus. If you ask Him in He will come in if you mean it and want it. Sometimes man's extremity is God's opportunity.
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Old 21st May 2012, 06:28 PM   #6
chosen
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Re: Relationships & Depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by pmsc69 View Post
I know chosen. I have had a couple of dates and other chances but when it comes to it I just do no feel ready or comfortable to be with anyone.

I have seen my doctor twice and I am taking medication but it isnt helping. I keep looking for things to do and I think of them but when it comes to it I cant bring myself around to even try.
Go back to your doctor and try something else. Different pills suit different people. Like Raymond, I do think you need Gods help, but I also suffered from severe depression between 16 and 21 years ago and the pills were a life saver for me literally. Please look into counselling as well, just talking helps so much. If you cant face that, write and write and write all of your feelings down. I did this for about 2 years after my marriage ended suddenly after 23 years, and it did help.
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Old 21st May 2012, 06:38 PM   #7
pmsc69
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Re: Relationships & Depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
If you cant face that, write and write and write all of your feelings down. I did this for about 2 years after my marriage ended suddenly after 23 years, and it did help.
I have been doing that and that is also why I am on here too. To let it out but the more I let out the more I feel inside. Seems like an endless tunnel of pain. I will get through. One of my feelings is about my dad. He committed suicide when I was baby but I didnt know that unill I was 16. I found out the wrong way and then all of a sudden all these feelings of love and hate started to fill me up. I am starting to cry just thinking about him.

I use to be very religious myself and was an altar boy until I was 15. I soon stopped going to church after that. I have thought about going back to sunday mass.
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Old 21st May 2012, 08:54 PM   #8
Raymond
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Re: Relationships & Depression

I too was in the catholic church and a solo choir boy in the convent mass. However I am not talking about religion but about a personal relationship to God in Christ which He offers to you or to anyone who believes and receives. It's not quite the same thing.
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Old 2nd August 2013, 08:40 AM   #9
pmsc69
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Re: Relationships & Depression

Thank you for your kind words. I can now say that i have changed my life. I now live and work in guernsey. I came here on a project with work. I fell in love with the Island almost instantly. I took a bold move and gave up what i didnt have in london and moved to the channel islands.

I am still fairly new here but i feel that i fit in more easily than i did in london. Hopefully i made a right move and choice in my life.
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Old 2nd August 2013, 09:51 AM   #10
chosen
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Posts: 5,794
Re: Relationships & Depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by pmsc69 View Post
I have been doing that and that is also why I am on here too. To let it out but the more I let out the more I feel inside. Seems like an endless tunnel of pain. I will get through. One of my feelings is about my dad. He committed suicide when I was baby but I didnt know that unill I was 16. I found out the wrong way and then all of a sudden all these feelings of love and hate started to fill me up. I am starting to cry just thinking about him.

I use to be very religious myself and was an altar boy until I was 15. I soon stopped going to church after that. I have thought about going back to sunday mass.
Sounds very positive with your move etc. I hope that it works out for you. I have just seen this above post and wanted to say that please dont reject God for what your Father did. My mother killed herself as well after having severe depression. Horrible things happen in life, but we all have free will and God doesnt force anyone to do anything. I still miss my mum 27 years later, especially as my first grandchild was born yesterday. I so wish she had been here to see her grandchildren marry, and now, have their first child. She died when my own children were tiny, so they also lost out on a grandmother who loved them deeply.

Do you think it may help to see someone to talk to about this?
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Old 3rd August 2013, 11:27 AM   #11
jerrytye
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Re: Relationships & Depression

These are conditions that usually every person goes through at some point of time. Rather than being worried, One must seek professional help if that's the last way out.

Last edited by jerrytye; 10th August 2013 at 06:23 AM.
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Old 3rd January 2014, 05:57 PM   #12
Stephen300
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Re: Relationships & Depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by pmsc69 View Post
I am sitting here now 2 years on after my break up with my ex wife of 20 years and wonder how many people have ended up in the same situation that I am in now,.

I have discovered that no matter how much you love someone you can end up at rock bottom. Pick yourself up and then hit rock bottom again but every time you hit rock bottom it feels worse. Far worse than the previous time. Why is this? Is it because we kick ourselves for landing in the same situation again or worse,

I cannot believe where I am now. I was once happy and content and regardless of how little friends and social life I had. Reason being was because I was with my children and a wife of so many years. Towards the last two years of our marriage we started to feel the pressures and our marriage started to break down. Needless to say that she ended up leaving for for another man.

It took it hard as I thought we were solid and despite all the grief I have had to see my son and harassment I still respect her even if she shouts abuse at me on the street.

It took me a while but in that time I found that I had no friends around me. No one I could go to or trust. Then I met someone last summer and my whole world changed. I felt alive again and we wanted to be with each other almost every day. We did everything together and couldnt wait to see each other again. Soon I found that the relationship was wrong in so many way and reason. But I kept hold of her as I had nothing else in my life. It felt like love and I am sure it was love. However as I said the pressures and demands became beyond control and I started to suffer sever headaches on a daily basis. To cut it short I started to leave her every time she hurt me emotionally or physically. Every time we broke up it was harder and I felt more depressed because I knew the relationship was wrong but yet I needed her in my life. It got to the stage where we had a nasty breakup and hurt each other severely.

Now I am sitting here, crashed to rock bottom and realised that I have no friends around. No one for support and I cant think straight or even drive. The amount of times I nearly drove into another vehicle I could not say. I feel so depressed and nearly ended up in a mental ward. Sometimes I wished they kept me in as I have no enthusiasm or will to do anything. I haven been into work such is the depression that I can wake up and I have a constant headache.

What makes me feel worse is that I promised myself that I would never end up in this place again. And I HAVE! If you have read my other posts you will know that there is more that I have experienced and things that no one should see or go through. But I am angry. I am angry at myself, the world and the false friends that I thought I had. I am also angry at my last girlfriend for putting me where I am now. If it wasn't for her pressures and demands on top of the insecurity that she reflected on me I wouldnt be like this. I have had other short relaionships and never suffered any of this. Not even from my ex wife.

I know I can rebuild my life AGAIN but I need help. I can do it alone. The emotional side I know I have to but the physical side of things like socialising and getting all this anger out of me I cannot seem to master. Most days I wake up like rubbish and go o bed feeling he same. Other days I wake up feeling fine but i doesn't take long and I feel like crap again.

Has anyone feel like his or experienced this. If so what did you do to recover if you had. I now know how people feel when hey are down and get told to cheer up. It doesnt help hearing that.

I honestly feel like I am having a breakdown or worse,
Pills are not the answer. They can often make you worse. You need to find some inner strength.
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