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Old 8th February 2009, 03:04 AM   #1
canda
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Marriage Problems.... Pls help me... :(

Hi all, i'm a newbie here. I hope i can have a solutions for my problems through this forum.
I'm a 32 y.o. indonesian guy and i'm going to marry early of next month (march) with a thai girl.
Me and my gf have a long distance relationship for almost 2 years, and then we decided to get marry this year.
The preparation of our wedding are nearly finish, let's say around 95%. But i found that we have some problems about it.
I live in indonesia & she lives in thai.
As a newly-wed to be, ofcourse i expect my wife to move to indonesia a.s.a.p after we marry. But until now my gf still not giving me assurance of it. First, she said that she'll move to indo on june. But several days ago, she said that she has no idea when will she move to indo after we marry... because she has to pay all her credit cards 1st. So i asked how much is her debts, coz i really want to pay them. But she refused it. For me, she has to be open to me, as we are going to be marry... which means 2 become 1.
Honestly, why should i marry with someone that cannot give me assurance? For me, a newly wed (a couple) should be living together & share their lives & time after they got married.
That's the 1st problem.

The second is, i noticed that she often goes out (even only for hang out, to the gym, or even tk dinner) with her friends. I only wonder, how can she spent her money & time for having fun? Infact, she told me that she has to pay her debts 1st before she move to indonesia. I feel like she's not really concern of our marriage plan & not really want to be commited with me.
She goes out to the church every sunday morning, and got home late ate nite (around 10.30 to 11.00 pm). She said that she spent her time with her church friends. But for me, it's not about that. I just think, i need some of her time. Whenever she goes out with her friends, she always want to hang up my calls in hurry everytime i called her. I really feels that her friends like wanna grab her from me. Or is it just my negative thinking?
So finally i told her about this & ask her to imagine what would she feel if she was me. And she replied me, she's understand of how i feel and she'll try not to gathering & spend too much time with her church friends. But again, last nite she told me that today she'll play badminton with her church friends... and told me that the badminton will be finish at 9 pm, which means, she'll get home around 10.30 or 11 again. I'm so tired with this condition...

I just feel that she only gave me a hope... but no action to make it true...
Now the times is getting closer... and i really don't know what i should do. Should i marry her? Am i too selfish?
I really luv her so much, i would even die for her. But somehow i afraid to marry her in case of her point of view...

Anyone could help me to solve this problem?
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Old 9th February 2009, 12:52 PM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Marriage Problems.... Pls help me... :(

You are getting a red light Canda. I would postpone things a little until you are sure. One must be 100% when entering into marriage.

There's nothing wrong with her lifestyle which seems quite healthy except for the debts but as you say the commitment does not seem to be there for you.

Raymond
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