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Old 15th October 2007, 11:21 PM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 3
Advice On Husband Who isn't Providing Please Help!!

Well I am new to this forum. I am a christian and have been with my husband for 16yrs, married for 6yrs. We have two children 12yr old 5yr old and I am also pregnant. I know I was not married when my oldest was born, I had backslidden and fornicating. I have asked the Lord for forgiveness and the guilt of the sin is gone. I love my husband but our marriage is not really working. He does not go to church, he is saved but doesn't go with me. He has gone with me in the past and watches some tv pastors but doesn't go regularly. We are both self employed and have always kept our money seperate. My husband does not get any health benefits and is not providing for us as a husband should. I am embarrased to say we are currently living in a 1 bedroom apartment and him and I use the living room as a bedroom. I am so stressed out because we have to move before the baby comes. He keeps saying he is going to get another job but yet he makes no effort to look for a job. He spends most of his money on himself and his car. He never voluntarily gives me any money I have to ask for money to buy the kids clothes, for groceries etc. I want desperately to buy a house but he doesn't put a penny in the bank. I really don't know what to do, I feel as though alot of this is my fault because I was stupid and allowed this in the beginning and now its out of control. I pray for him constantly, I know some of this behavior is generational curses. His mother was never married and so he has not had a male role model, and his family has generations of lack. I constantly pray to cancel the generational curses, but I feel like he doesn't want to change. So what am I to do, I know I made a covenant before God and I want to be with my husband till death due us part but I am so confused. I know God blessed us with this baby for a reason because I had fertility issues and didn't think I could get pregnant without surgery. I have suggested counseling and my husband refuses, i try to talk to him and I get nothing. I know that we can speak life over dead things and I have been speaking life into our marriage and also thanking God that he is the husband that God created him to be, but doesn't my husband have to want to change or be trying to change. He says he doesn't want to lose his family but we need a steady income and benefits. I have treatened seperation and divorce in the hopes that it would be the push he needed but nothing. Any advice would be greatly appreciated I only have 4 mns before the baby comes. Please help! Thanks and God BLess.
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Old 21st October 2007, 09:18 PM   #2
Join Date: Feb 2000
Posts: 1,115
Re: Advice On Husband Who isn't Providing Please Help!!

Hi there,

I can understand your concerns as you bring another little one into the world. Is there anyone that you trust at church or a friend who might talk to your husband about things. It sounds as if he is burying his head in the sand and not able to face his responsibilities. He may find the realities of life too daunting.

Your husband is unwilling to go to counselling, but would he consider an enrichment weekend where there wasnít a judgement that he is failing in some way. I know there is Marriage Encounter in USA as I donít think you are in the UK. There are lots of other courses in USA which are about strengthening marriage. Why not have a look and see if there is anything that he would be willing to do.

I am sure that God will help you through all the challenges that you face. I hope you have friends at church who can also pray for you and support you.

Keep in touch

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Old 23rd October 2007, 03:00 PM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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Re: Advice On Husband Who isn't Providing Please Help!!

Thanks for responding Kate. I have suggested counseling on numerous occasions and he refuses. I think you hit the nail on the head, I don't think I mentioned that he grew up in a home with a single mother he didn't have his father in his life. And I know that it is hard for him to step up to his role when he has not experienced it himself and seen it on a daily basis. I know that some of his struggles are also generational. I had been under so much stress lately and I have finally decided to turn it fully over to God after all the battle is His. I am just trusting God , Praying, speaking life into my marriage and my husband. I am calling those things that be not as if they already were. And in Jesus' name I am ready for a breakthrough. Thank you again for your positive words. God bless.
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