Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 21st November 2011, 03:51 AM   #136
1aokgal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Married and lonely

Raymond..

I know well a marriage that began with a love story, she, 18 and he was 23. They built a financial empire together with hard work and sacrifice and luck. Years later in their 40's he sold her a bill of goods to accept porn images in the bedroom to "spark it up." She would do anything for him. Then later it became a woman in the bedroom, so that is three. That woman remained in their marriage 25+ yrs as they
worked, vacationed, travelled and flew to wonderful spots together. He brought her into their office to work as he bought her a house nearby. He is a wealthy man with 3 children, who had to choke this down all these years. When he dies I am sure this OW will fight for part of the estate, though I am aware he has provided for her. I was very close to this situation, so knew about it, as most get the picture pretty fast. I just would never sit in a room when the OW was present. I seldom ever spoke to HIM, if I didn't have to.

His wife confided in me that she "no longer participated" after a few years, but knew the other two were an item. She would never divorce him. I think she felt the lifestyle choice would die a death of time and that never happened. The kids grew up to see this life as their mother was disrespected through the years. I saw the woman and she was nothing to write home about. It began with a marriage that had everything going for it and became a dirty secret. I saw close-up the harm as this wife was almost suicidal. He was a selfish pig that exercised his fantasy at the expense of his family. I am sure the family will have to fight her for a great deal of his estate when he dies.

It is true there are marriages where sex doesn't exist because it has been diverted to porn.
Porn is a "Pandoras' box" that opened can cause extreme damage. Once unclean elements enter a marriage it is impossible to close the door.

NOTE What a married couple does behind a closed door is private and a choice! BUT it hurts others, when others might be influenced by a woman who would tell others that is a reasonable thing to do.

What I find disturbing here, is that any proclaimed Christian woman would choose to endorse the practice of porn use on this site, and then "wiggle with persecution complex" when others point out that is hypocrisy. In case one wonders what is meant with that statement, it is this;
Hypocrisy is the state of pretending to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy involves the deception of others and is thus a kind of lie.
Hypocrisy is not simply failing to practice those virtues that one preaches.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 21st November 2011 at 06:27 AM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 21st November 2011, 11:40 AM   #137
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Married and lonely

Thank you for that real story 1okgal. It fits the pattern again and again. Instead of confronting she allowed herself to be a doormat and paid a very heavy price.

I am talking to a woman whose husband came into marriage as a porn user and continued until he was discovered. The sex quickly wittled down to nothing because of it. None of the confrontations worked and did not produce any desired repentance. She is moving out today as it happens. To tell her to watch the porn with him would be an insult I would think. That is the thing that has killed the bedroom. Why should she go and make friends with it when it is up to him to keep himself pure for her? As you have inferred she would then be supporting the porn industry that lives off of unfaithfulness.

Once unclean elements enter a marriage it is impossible to close the door. I think you are right there 1okgal. This stuff seems to have a mind of it's own once it has been received into ones psyche.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st November 2011, 05:18 PM   #138
1aokgal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Married and lonely

Dear Raymond...

The stories are all too real, that I saw first hand. The couple don't live close to me, but they are in my family so I follow the story. My mother when she was living, was devastated by this.

The other part of the story is that this industry funds crime with money laundering and other
elements in our society. Child trafficing and the sex trade often goes straight into films sold and collected for enormous amount of money. People have to realize what is being funded.
  Reply With Quote
Old 21st November 2011, 08:00 PM   #139
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Married and lonely

You've certainly burst the bag and deception about it 1okgal. Like all these things that can destroy they are packaged well and designed to entice. Thank you for the background knowledge.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st November 2011, 08:21 PM   #140
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Married and lonely

I have just read the last few posts, and I am absolutely amazed and appalled that a believer thinks that porn use is OK and that God would approve. Jesus clearly says that any man who looks at another women with lust has committed adultery of the heart. We are to be very careful what we allow oursleves to see, because the eyes are the windows of the heart.
Paul says in Phillipians "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Porn is the total opposite of these things, and we should never be looking at or thinking about porn images or films

The marriage bed is always defiled if anyone else is bought in, whether that be in person or on pictures or in films. Porn is evil, incredibly damaging, and causes untold misery, heartache, and the ending of marriages. I have believed for ages that it is one of satans favourite tools for distoring godly sex and healthy relationships between a man and his wife.

Been there, if your husband is a believer, I think that he needs to do some serious repenting and praying about this. It will damage his walk with God as it will yours as well. I have heard so many awful stories about people who have got into porn and their spouses and marriages, and, like you Raymond, I know marriages that have ended because of it. I know people who have prayed with and ministered to, people who have even needed deliverance after porn use. Dont go there, it will cause you nothing but hurt and damage in the long run.

To call a man a prig because he wont look at porn in obedience to God, and out of love and respect for his wife, is unbelievable. My husband will never look at porn, and will also close his eyes if anything slightly dodgy comes on the tv, and believe me he is anything but a prig.I love and respect him highly for his high moral values and his integrity.Like Raymond, he is a very godly man. There are plently of clean and good thinsg that can be done in the marriage bed, but bringing in others having sex or doing other sexual things isnt one of them. Its is an evil evil industry that has nothing good about it at all.

Also looking at porn can allow evil spirits to enter the person and spirits of lust can also enter. This is why most porn users have to watch more and more, and see more and more degrading images to get the same effect. Keep well away because it will effect you. We do reap what we sow in the end.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st November 2011, 08:30 PM   #141
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Married and lonely

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post
Dear Raymond...

The stories are all too real, that I saw first hand. The couple don't live close to me, but they are in my family so I follow the story. My mother when she was living, was devastated by this.

The other part of the story is that this industry funds crime with money laundering and other
elements in our society. Child trafficing and the sex trade often goes straight into films sold and collected for enormous amount of money. People have to realize what is being funded.
My mother too Iaokgal. My dad looked at porn(magazines then) for years. I found his pile of mags when I was only about 10 or 11, and he went onto have affairs and eventually my mother got severely depressed and killed herself. Its all evil and corrupt and we need to keep well away, or we will get ensnared like a fly in a spiders web.Once that has happens Satan will just draw people in more and more. The Bible says that satan 'steals, kills and destroys', and he uses porn to do this very effectively.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd November 2011, 06:46 AM   #142
1aokgal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Married and lonely

Dear Chosen..

I knew this about your life from previous post. That is the saddest thing in the world to happen in your family and to you. It is a pain that goes on forever for the family left behind who blame themselves for not picking up clues. Who would know that could happen!

The family I talk about here is my older brother. I deeply love my sister-in-law, though she made terrible mistakes to allow him to lead her where it went. They are still together, all these years, and the OW is always in the background.

I told my sister-in-law to divorce him and clean him out of some of that wealth he accumulated, before she has to fight over it later. She worked with him and they made a fantastic life together that many might envy. They were able to help their children and live well. She loves him and won't leave him. He doesn't deserve her. My mother was disrespected when she visited there each time. He took the woman along when they all went to dinner or sat at his house. My mother was a guest there but should have taken a room at the hotel. My mother did not know how to handle this, so she suffered with it.

I told my mother she should have called a cab and taken a plane home. It is disgraceful conduct. My mother was crushed that her oldest son lives a vile life. He made a fortune with hard work and has 3 great kids with families of their own. They don't see much of him but visit their mother. It is true I have little to do with him except once when he was ill.

Porn destroys families, as you know, and many have discovered. It opens a door that steals innocense. The worst is that women would buy into the lie. It amazes me that beenthere said she wasn't interested in the true facts of the 13 billion dollar porn industry which destroys homes and our society.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 22nd November 2011 at 06:52 AM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 22nd November 2011, 12:59 PM   #143
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Married and lonely

I have no idea why your sister in law stays and put up with it. She must feel totally crushed and humiliated. I will never understand how women can love or stay with men who treat them in such a terrible way.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd November 2011, 04:50 PM   #144
1aokgal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Married and lonely

Chosen..

If I were this wife, I would despise him for exposing the children to his lifestyle. They are absolutely wonderful young adults with their own families. Only the daughter had early problems. His wife has been complicite in how they live, so who can explain that? I would never love a man so much I would leave my morality at the door! She is very humiliated and I do worry about her emotional well being. I shall never understand how that situation began or continues today.
The guy literally has two wives and I think it is over 25 years now. Sometimes true stories are stranger than fiction.

I felt very sad for my mother when she lived. He was very good to his mother to fly her down to Florida many times for luxery vacation where he lives. He drove up to visit her numerous times in a home here before her passing. He didn't bring the "friend" then. He can't know how hurt she was by his lifestyle though.
She lived with my stepsister for a time. My mother had been very proud of my brothers' accomplished, successful life before that began.
I have a very dysfunctional family, and thats' the truth. That is when you make your own world.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 22nd November 2011 at 07:03 PM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 23rd November 2011, 02:03 PM   #145
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Married and lonely

Maybe she put the comfortable lifestyle first? It seems to be the pattern that you become a doormat if you do not stand up to adultery or affairs or even porn. Once you comply it seems to be a downward spiral.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd November 2011, 02:27 PM   #146
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Married and lonely

yes Raymond I agree.Some things are far far more important than a luxury life style though arent they.
This verse comes to mind



<< Proverbs 17 >>


Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it
Than a house full of feasting with strife.

I have learnt that this is so true.

Last edited by chosen; 23rd November 2011 at 02:34 PM.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd November 2011, 05:31 PM   #147
1aokgal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Married and lonely

One never knows, but they built a substantial empire together so there is her desire to protect this for her children. She also didn't want to see her life work pass to this woman in "settlements." They are very wealthy in a city where ione can't live unless they have extreme wealth. They own a lavish home on a gated community island as well as numerous rented homes. There was a time I remember she did her laundry in the bathtub, while he invested. I think she thought it would just be over the lifestyle one day. He is 74 now. I am pretty sure that strange triangle is no longer about sex.

The last time I asked her was a few years ago, she said she just always loved him.
  Reply With Quote
Old 23rd November 2011, 07:50 PM   #148
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Married and lonely

I would far rather loose a lavish lifesytle that loose my self respect, especially because wealth isnt important to me. The only reason that I would want lots of money is so that I can give lots of money. I love to give.
I would never stay with a man who was acting like that no matter what I would loose, after all, no one has to live in a very expensive or wealthy area, they can always move.
I think my mum stayed with my dad because she loved him also, and didnt want a divorce, but he too had her and his mistress for several years but at least he never flaunted the other lady and kept them entirely seperate. I will never ever understand why anyone would stay in such a situation, maybe people are afraid of change or the unknown so will put up with anything rather than stand up to it.
My mother had a really bad childhood, and spent most of it in an orphanage, so maybe she couldnt cope with more unheaval, but I will never know now.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd November 2011, 07:57 PM   #149
Chamomile
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 816
Re: Married and lonely

Quote:
Originally Posted by beenthere View Post
I stand by what I said about what I do is between me, my husband and God. I stand by the fact that if a married couple wants to add spice in their bedroom that is their prerogative and I stand by the fact if porn or what you call porn disrupts a home stay away from it. I am sure that maybe porn along with other issues have caused divorce.

God said he draw with love and kindness and I have not heard any love or kindness from you nor Raymond regarding my posting.So, if what I do in my home offend you I apologize for sharing it with you all, but, I can only speak on what works for me and my marriage. Thanks again for your comments and please focus on the initial forum and I will not justify or try to explain myself anymore. Too much have been said so now as far as this is concerned, since it bother you two, just pray. God is not threw with me yet as I am sure it is the same for you.
Hi beenthere

I don't particularly have any issues in what you said. You only said that you were trying to accommodate your H who may entertain an images or two in that way. After all, you have had twenty years of marriage, you must be doing something right, yes?

There are quite a few discussions re. men's porn use and divorces not just over this site. I think what you are saying can be misconstrued as "wives should use porn in their marriage" that's why there were vocal disagreements. But from what I am listening, that's not what you were advocating. It's always useful to have a balanced view on these things rather than having some knee jerk reaction. Beenthere isn't running a porn ring. She's probably a well adjusted suburban wife who learned to be accommodating to her H's needs? I can understand that.

Maybe, your posts were misconstrued somewhat. Hope you wouldn't stop visiting this site. It's always nice to have new posters. If I didn't say earlier, welcome to this site

xx
Chamomile is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd November 2011, 10:13 PM   #150
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Married and lonely

So should we sin to accomodate our husbands 'needs'? Even if they are also sinning? I cant see that is what God wants for us, to have images/films of naked people doing sexual acts in our bedrooms. We are supposed to keep ourselves pure, and one thing that doesnt include is watching others in this way.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
married and lonely

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:49 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright ©1999-2024 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer