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8th March 2016, 02:06 AM
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 13
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Inappropriate behaviour
I am sorry if this is long. My husband is a personal trainer. His clients are mostly female.
One female began to flirt with him excessively. I noticed it, and brought it to his attention. He said that he was aware, and was dealing with it by ignoring it. That did not help, and it got worse, to the point that he told her to leave as she made him feel uncomfortable. I was unhappy because he only acted after she crossed the line, rather than him stopping the behaviour weeks before. It just went on for too long and I felt disrespected.
Since then, he has a new female client who he seemed to get on with, and they banter, which includes jokes, swearing etc. Last week he told me that she has shown him pictures of her on nights out where she is dressed up. He said he will keep an eye out just in case she starts flirting etc. We dont look our best at the gym, and I thought hmm, you want him to see you at your best for whatever reasons and left it at that as I trusted him to deal with anything, especially because of what happened before. However, today, when her session was over, he told her to wait as he was going to the shop and he will walk with her, as she was going in the same direction. I heard it, and it was him who instigated it, not her.
My issue is, if you think that she may like you in anyway, why walk with her in your own private time. If anything is said or done, nobody is there but them. Its too cosy for my liking. It also made me think that he is encouraging their behaviour whereas before, I thought it was them. They must feel comfortable to behave like this around him, and I think that he puts himself in situations where something could happen, and I think he likes the attention.
I am irritated and look at him differently now, and I am beginning to dislike him.
I really dont know if I am being unreasonable, and need some impartial advice. Thanks
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9th March 2016, 11:38 AM
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#2
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Inappropriate behaviour
I see your point. That sort of job leaves lots of openings of the sort you refer to. I don't know if it is that healthy for women to be trained by male trainers. I would imagine I certainly would have difficulty with it. All those girls in their leotards or whatever they wear. There is a way of keeping free from temptation and one owes that to their spouse. It can work the other way as well when wives have the sort of job they are alone with men a lot. We have seen it on here and it has caused a lot of marriage problems. I think it comes down to how much he values his marriage. There are certain healthy boundaries one keeps when they are married. If he can't handle that job with propriety (and few can) then he should change it.
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9th March 2016, 03:23 PM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Inappropriate behaviour
I agree with Raymond, maybe he should stick to training men only?
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12th March 2016, 04:58 AM
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 13
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Re: Inappropriate behaviour
Thanks for your responses guys. Its nice to know that I am not paranoid!! He has said that he values his marriage more than the gym, and would be happy to close it or change it to men only if it makes me happy . I need time to think, as its not about me being happy, its about his boundaries, and both of us being happy. I am still resentful, but I wont end my marriage over this. Its worth fighting for.
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12th March 2016, 10:38 AM
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Inappropriate behaviour
Quote:
Originally Posted by trinity
Thanks for your responses guys. Its nice to know that I am not paranoid!! He has said that he values his marriage more than the gym, and would be happy to close it or change it to men only if it makes me happy . I need time to think, as its not about me being happy, its about his boundaries, and both of us being happy. I am still resentful, but I wont end my marriage over this. Its worth fighting for.
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Well the man only idea sounds like a good one. Nothing to stop women going to a gym surely, just that he be a personal trainer just to the men. Its never a good idea for a married person to spend loads of time alone with someone of the opposite sex. Are you american? In the UK we have strictly come dancing, as I think you do, and in every series there has been a marriage or relationship breakup due to one of the dancing couples getting too close and having an affair. Its also always a good idea to both sit down and agree to boundaries with the opposite sex.
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12th March 2016, 10:31 PM
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#6
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Inappropriate behaviour
It is a good sign that he values his marriage more than the gym and is willing to give it up. That does show a trust. It must make you feel better. I wouldn't push it too much if he is already pliable and willing to change. Maybe the whole thing is a wake up call for him. I would see how it goes but keep your eye on it. You don't want to be guilty of control.
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14th March 2016, 10:21 PM
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 13
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Re: Inappropriate behaviour
Yes it is a good sign. I am going to take a step back, and see what happens. Sometimes you can get obsessive if you keep looking for things. I am optimistic, and think that things will improve. Well they already have since we cleared the air. Lets hope it stays this way!!
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15th March 2016, 11:48 AM
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#8
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Inappropriate behaviour
............. Right.
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