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Old 10th June 2013, 03:02 PM   #1
123I2FREE
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Unhappy How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

I received a mystery phone call from a woman, she said my husband was seeing a married woman and asked me to tell my husband to stop seeing that woman , she also said their relationship had been going on for almost 3 years and the woman had many boy-friends. It was really shocking. I confronted my husband, he denied it first then I told him I had a witness, he then admitted it.
My husband is an expat and we are currently living abroad, he arrived abroad a year before me because I was waiting for my son to finish his education in our country before joining him abroad. While he was abroad, we met every 6 weeks, either I went to visit him or he went home. We have been married for almost 20 years. He admitted he initiated his relationship with that woman just a month before I joined him abroad. He said he wanted sex with that woman and he doesnít love me anymore. That woman wanted him to leave me and fight against me for child custody in the court. Iíve never cheated on my husband although I had a few offers after marriage, Iím slim and not ugly, I donít think I can imagine sleeping with other men before marriage. Iím from a religious family.
My husband wanted me to give him another chance, I want to forgive him and bring up my son with him but I donít think I can, Iíve been crying/sad every day in the past a few weeks. I donít understand the facts:
1. What have I done not to deserve to be loved.
2. Why he let the relationship going on for so long, almost 3 years. He knew that woman was married and had children.
3. Why he put me in risk for HIV.
4. I feel sad my husband didnít try to tell me and I heard it from someone else.
5. How can I trust him anymore.
I sometime think the woman who phoned me might be the woman my husband was seeing, she might be trying to break our relationship but Iím not sure. I found her on Facebook but Iíve not done anything to her. Any advice will be appreciated.
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Old 10th June 2013, 08:00 PM   #2
Raymond
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

That is a difficult one. Trust takes the longest to build up in a relationship but can be broken the quickest. Therefore it will take a long time for the trust to build up again and only if there is a basis for you to trust again. It is up to him really to show himself trustworthy. This will not be worth it unless there is sincere repentance there from him, not being just sorry he got caught.

If there is sincere repentance then he won't mind being accountable to you for his movements in order to restore your trust. Of course if there is sincere repentance there it will mean you forgiving in due course. This may well be a process but it will start with a decision to want to do it.

I would demand a few things to make him accountable if he wants to stay married to you. Messing about will now be over if he is sincere. I would make certain conditions for taking him back initially as there will be a lot of work to do if the marriage is going to be mended.

If a fresh start is possible it would be worth checking online activity for porn etc. just in case. That can be as bad sometimes and you need to close that door while you are at it if it is a feature.
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Old 29th September 2013, 09:36 AM   #3
Roses
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

3 years without ever known - any change of his behaviour towards you?

Once a cheater, always a cheater (possibly?).

You may have the same problem down the line as soon as he thinks you had forgotten about it.
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Old 29th September 2013, 06:45 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

I personally could never trust a man who has cheated on me hundreds of times over a three year period. The marriage would be over. I would forgive him in time, but I would not stay with him.
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Old 29th September 2013, 07:51 PM   #5
Roses
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

Wise words.

How many lies were told during that 3 years period? Seasoned adulterer to me. He probably wants to stay because it would be cheaper to stay than funding two households or pay out child maintenance etc. He probably wouldn't want to lose a free cook and cleaner etc.
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Old 29th September 2013, 08:14 PM   #6
chosen
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

Roses yes you are right. He is sorry he was caught basically.
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Old 30th September 2013, 07:27 PM   #7
Roses
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

Yes.

Affair would have long continued if he wasn't found out.
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Old 31st October 2013, 12:25 PM   #8
ourboutiquewedding
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 123I2FREE View Post
I received a mystery phone call from a woman, she said my husband was seeing a married woman and asked me to tell my husband to stop seeing that woman , she also said their relationship had been going on for almost 3 years and the woman had many boy-friends. It was really shocking. I confronted my husband, he denied it first then I told him I had a witness, he then admitted it.
My husband is an expat and we are currently living abroad, he arrived abroad a year before me because I was waiting for my son to finish his education in our country before joining him abroad. While he was abroad, we met every 6 weeks, either I went to visit him or he went home. We have been married for almost 20 years. He admitted he initiated his relationship with that woman just a month before I joined him abroad. He said he wanted sex with that woman and he doesnít love me anymore. That woman wanted him to leave me and fight against me for child custody in the court. Iíve never cheated on my husband although I had a few offers after marriage, Iím slim and not ugly, I donít think I can imagine sleeping with other men before marriage. Iím from a religious family.
My husband wanted me to give him another chance, I want to forgive him and bring up my son with him but I donít think I can, Iíve been crying/sad every day in the past a few weeks. I donít understand the facts:
1. What have I done not to deserve to be loved.
2. Why he let the relationship going on for so long, almost 3 years. He knew that woman was married and had children.
3. Why he put me in risk for HIV.
4. I feel sad my husband didnít try to tell me and I heard it from someone else.
5. How can I trust him anymore.
I sometime think the woman who phoned me might be the woman my husband was seeing, she might be trying to break our relationship but Iím not sure. I found her on Facebook but Iíve not done anything to her. Any advice will be appreciated.
Hi Friend,
Definitely it is a pathetic for every woman's life, that her husband has a relationship with other woman.Your problem is also too pathetic. You may forgive him & stay with him, or leave him with your son. As,if your son is not minor,then he have option to choose it, whom with he should leave.Otherwise, you can give him a chance to proof honest himself. In this way you might be happy. I pray to God for your Happy Married Life.


Thanks.
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Old 7th November 2013, 06:29 AM   #9
1aokgal
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

Dear Lady...

You are given a heavy burden, after 20 years married, to find out your husband has been unfaithful. What a shocking thing to hear from a stranger. That woman hopes to gain by telling you the news. I suspect she is definitely the OW and she hopes you will kick your husband to the curb and then maybe she gets him. Maybe that is her revenge on your husband because he came back to his wife. You have a lot of years invested in your marriage. You were separated for a time and that placed opportunity or that might never have taken place.

You are right to question why this happened. You should be concerned he risked your health and get an HIV test. A marriage can survive an affair but it takes time to rebuild trust. I would want to get the answer to why this happened. I can't believe he said he no longer loves you! I think to some men love is more sex. If he has asked you to give him another chance, I would consider to rebuild your relationship. Get some marital counseling or start getting out together as a couple.

See if there is real emotion coming from him, so you see he realizes how much you are hurt. Don't stay for your son, stay because you can see a genuine chance to begin again. Don't seek out the OW because she will tell you things that will only make you feel worse. He is with you, not her. She lost him and he wants to try again with his marriage. I wouldn't throw 20 years down the drain for a fling I bet he regrets today. Take it one day at a time.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 7th November 2013 at 06:34 AM.
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Old 13th November 2013, 05:46 PM   #10
LibraLady
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

That's a lot of lying and cheating, wow. Here is one main reason why women lead the world with HIV. If there are no real consequences for his actions, then he wont ever stop. Did he think about your 20 years together when he was cheating for 3 years? I dont think so. Why should you, as a woman, carry the burden of trying to save the marriage when you were not the offender?

Life is too short to be unhappy.
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Old 14th November 2013, 02:24 PM   #11
Raymond
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

She has the right to end it sure if there is no serious repentance and even then it is still her choice.
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Old 9th December 2014, 08:50 AM   #12
gracecoburn9
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

HI , 123I2FREE
it's very difficult to tolerate and love someone who doesn't care you or don't don't love you anymore, but i think you can although consider him for the sake of your son, anyway you should take time and give him a second chance , then wait and see...time will tell you what to do....don't be upset, cause if one door is close another will open but we emphasize too much to close door that we can't see the open one...so. don't loose hope..life is like a running train...and it's not a destination it's like a journey ..so you should enjoy your journey and you should think about it how to be a great journey..Thanks
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Old 9th December 2014, 10:00 AM   #13
drleo
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

this is my advise to you have walked along way with your man and am sure he loves you and re grating now for what he did, but i will be open to you may separate with you man, and end your marriage then find another relationship but what if you end up in the same situation, men are the same and they do the same actions in every relationship ,just give your man another chance and see how things will go, he loves you because if he dint he would have left you in the first place
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Old 16th February 2019, 08:23 AM   #14
Naseeb
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

I understand what you are going through. It is very difficult to forgive him. I still believe that somewhere you don't want to call off your marriage. Actually, the problem was the long distance relationship with your husband. Don't let him go out of your life. Leave with him spend most of your time with him. You have a child with you for his better upbringing you have to be with him. If, your husband agrees to try to seek help from a relationship expert or phycologist. There is a good chance that you can shape up things in your favor.
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Old 3rd May 2019, 03:18 PM   #15
danielcood
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Re: How Can I Forgive and Trust My Husband Again?

Get a big heart and Give him a one chance
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