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Old 2nd July 2013, 08:08 AM   #31
Raymond
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

I would never counsel s christian to marry a non christian. It means that you will be pushing different ways or as the scripture says unequally yoked. Nevertheless God meets you where you are whatever the past. Of course we will pray.
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Old 2nd July 2013, 01:08 PM   #32
chosen
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
I would never counsel s christian to marry a non christian. It means that you will be pushing different ways or as the scripture says unequally yoked. Nevertheless God meets you where you are whatever the past. Of course we will pray.
NO and that is why God tells us not to.
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Old 3rd July 2013, 05:16 AM   #33
sillybil
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

If he doesnt love me, he would've been with the other woman starting new life, why would he bother to want to be with me after all these years and we have been thru rough patch for a while, once we said it is over then the next we were back again. It seems to me there is this pull from somewhere that makes me or him to get back together again, whatever it is, I cant tell you. And no matter how hard I try to get away from him, somehow I am brought back to him or vice versa. Is this mean faith? I dont even know. I know it is hard and I cannot come to term to accept the mess he made. Would you forgive and move forward? Anyone able to do that? I know I will not be happy if I walk away that's why I am not prepared to walk away. As much as so many people tell me to leave him, it is so easy to say, it is the hardest thing to do it. And when you dont feel right doing it, why should I listen people tell me what to do with my life? They dont know how I feel. I am not happy right now due to the circumstances. Where do you go from here? I know my H is not a very nice person and very stubborn, so why is he getting away and get what he wants while I am suffering?
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Old 3rd July 2013, 08:20 AM   #34
chosen
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

because you are letting him. No, its not easy to walk away. Married couples have a strong bond, but what he did actually breaks the covenant.
Only you know if you can cope with her being in your life for the next 18 or so years.
As you are living apart, do you even know where he goes and what he does? How often does he see her? Is he going round to her house? Are they still having sex?
The thing is he is lying to her, telling her that the marriage is over. He isnt even prepared to stand up for you or the marriage.
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Old 3rd July 2013, 12:48 PM   #35
Raymond
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

It is not faith Sybil the fact that you are ending up together. Faith in God comes from the heart and is something we believe and act on. Observing that you end up together doesn't necessarily mean it is of God. Many women are stuck in this position and don't have the courage or inclination to leave.

Yes we have seen some on here forgive their partners after adultery and the marriage was saved but that is where there was sincere repentance which led to a mind change on how to behave in that area. Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. We can forgive but still separate because of adultery.

It seems you have chosen to stay with him and that is your choice. If you think you have his sincere repentance that is up to you. To me it seems as if he is not considering his marriage or your feelings by the way he is handling this problem.
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Old 4th July 2013, 05:03 AM   #36
sillybil
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

He is the most selfish person I've known in my life who wants everything to be his way or no way. He has done a lot of bad thing but always managed to shift the blame to me. I am only waiting until oneday, my feelings turn other way and stopped loving him which will make it so much easier for me to go. I know it is not ideal for me to stay with him, he doesnt treat me right. I only take some of the good things he's done to me. He does spend most of his time with me. I dont know if he visit the OW. I am only going by how I feel everyday, someday I feel extremely insecure thus I would be very negative and started to ask questions which he doesnt like. THe point is why would you get so offensive if you dont do nothing wrong. I dont trust him and I want to learn to trust him again. I would go if I have the courage to do it. BUt I am not strong enough, I let myself to suffer this way, it is my fault. I feel stuck and has no where to turn. I dont have any confident in myself that I will be ok or make myself be ok. What did I do to deserve this? He told me that he is not ready to move back in with me and it is good he has his own place now as he wouldnt want to be in the situation where I left him homeless again. So it was all my fault. He was never help me finding a place, and yes I told him I will do that but then we argued and I thought I should just not live with him to teach him a lesson. Boy, he is holding the grudge for sure. Now he is scared to be in that position which apparently my fault. But he forgot what terrible things he has done to me and our marriage. If I walk away, he is still be ok but I wont be ok.
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Old 4th July 2013, 01:01 PM   #37
Raymond
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

Have you ever asked Jesus into your life Sillybil? When you say you have nowhere to turn it makes me wonder who your faith is in. We don't have to trust in our feelings but in Him. Faith in Christ is what the Christian walk is all about. He has promised that He is an ever present help in time of need but we have to look to Him and trust Him to appropriate the help that He offers. Are you actually seeing that or do you need help from a good church who actually believes in the power of Jesus? I think if you get your relationship right with Christ the solutions to your problems will follow.
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Old 4th July 2013, 01:34 PM   #38
chosen
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

I agree with Raymond, and its clear that you are in an unhappy marriage with a lying cheating and selfish man, who cares little for you and appears to have no repentance. You stay because you are very needy, not because it is the right thing to do. He probably knows that you are needy and thats why he walks all over you.

I know its hard. I had to seperate from my first husband after 23 years of marriage when I had three children to care for. I wont say it was easy, but it was the right thing, and now I have been very happily married to my second husband for coming up to 8 years.

However its that or stay with this man for good, and is he really who you want to be the father of your children? I wouldn't. You cant even trust him, and I don't blame you, neither would I.
Do you have friends, family or church family who you can go to for help and support? How about getting some counselling.
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Old 5th July 2013, 12:44 AM   #39
sillybil
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

God is the only thing keep me going. I believe in Him. My emotion is up and down, most down and it is so hard to keep sane while my closest friends turned their back on me when I told them I want to work on my marriage. NO one my H and everyone is trying to make me see. Yes I might me needy and insecure mostly. I even feel disgusted with myself that I choose to be walked all over by him. I go to counselling. I dont have any support from anyone else. My friends doesnt want to know me anymore. I feel so empty. I stay because I want to be happy with him and I want to try to make this marriage work. This is my second marriage and I feel like I am a failure.
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Old 5th July 2013, 12:45 AM   #40
sillybil
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

Correction, No one likes my H.
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Old 5th July 2013, 09:17 AM   #41
chosen
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

Is this his second marriage as well? Is he a Christian? Do you have a good church that you go to?
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Old 5th July 2013, 12:59 PM   #42
Raymond
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

Sillybil said he is not religious Chosen but she believes he believes in God somehow.

A good church which believes in the power of Christ would help Sillybil. God provides fellowship with other christians to help us as well as counseling from those who are spiritual. I think you need to avail yourself of what God gives us as Christians. It was never meant to be a solitary walk with God.
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Old 5th July 2013, 11:13 PM   #43
chosen
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Re: child produced from affair with married man

I agree. I think you need to find a good church and speak to the pastor about this.
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