I thought I was In Love Once Upon A Time

Hi,

I would like to share my story of a past incident a few years ago, which still haunts me today. I am married with no children, but I am content with my marriage so far it has been just over 1 year.

I will keep this short as possible. A few years ago I worked for a company where I really felt on top of the world. The job was excellent money was good and people all round me treated me well and I was not only enjoying work, but life in general. I felt the place gave me more self esteem and confidence. However, it’s not all hunka dorie there always 1 bad apple. I met this girl who I really liked and started to develop feelings for her as I thought I have seen/met her some time ago in childhood or another place didn't come to mind. After a while we got chatting through email and a couple of brief email exchanges as we were related as we met at a wedding.

As my feelings grew I started to do stupid things and get into trouble in order to get closer to her by asking managers do you know so and so and what is she like and if I could possible join your team etc.

The end result was she found out and told the bosses who gave me a right erring. I was hurt obviously and I felt the longer I was at the company the more in trouble I would get. I always thought through body language and eye contact that she was interested, but I think I was wrong after she clearly mentioned to stop emailing and being interested in her and I left the company. Years later I still thought about her while searching for a soul mate. I decided to give it another go as I couldn't help it and emailed her and told her honestly. She then took me for a ride and pranked me and told me the worse words under the sun and embarrassed me. I was in rage for months and I wanted to forget the whole incident but it kept creeping into my mind. I have been married for over 1 year and the feelings still remain of my past. I refuse to accept that I love her I am being stupid and she was never interested she married now anyway. Amazingly my other friends who I see now and again have came to me and said so and so was asking about you and just the other week my friend said she is getting married. Also, after she pranked me she called me to say it wasn’t her and she felt bad basically apologising and I was in rage at that time and I said look I am not interested in a person who calls inhumane words and treats human being like that and I said don’t call me again I am moving on with my life GOODBYE.

What I am basically saying is how do I get rid of these feelings? It’s been about 5 years will this go away in 20 30 years is time a great healer? I am concentrating on my marriage as much as I can, but my past still haunts me. I try not to think about it, but it had such a huge impact on my life.

Thanks.

Braveheart,

Welcome first of all to the forum, I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

This seems like a tough situation, not only for you but for your current partner. I too have been taken for a ride and completely "played" by a girl. Its not nice and I can understand the anger you must be feeling. But you have to keep two things in mind.

Firstly, by continually thinking about this you are giving her actions towards you more and more power than they ought to have had. Only you can help to make the anger subside just as only you have allowed yourself to become angry because of the way she treated you. It will only affect you if you give it the power to affect you. You have the power to change the way you feel about something, take the power away and it cannot affect you.

The other thing is to analyse that situation and ask yourself "what did I actually learn?" Try not to be bitter or angry about it, think of it as logically as you can. If you can take a positive from it then you will be on your way to accepting that something just happen to make us stronger people.

Either way I wish you the best of luck. Im sure the people on this forum will be able to give better advice than I have.

And remember, You have a wife, she deserves all the love you can give her .

Is going back EVER a good idea?

In my current situation I am thinking about a particular lady who I dated for nearly a year and had a near 'perfect' relationship with. Tall, slim, blonde, pretty and, above all else, a nice person.

Should I think about trying to contact her after 5/6 years?

Probably not.

I can fairly easily make contact with her family, who were also great, and they would be able to give me the low down on her current personal situation.

It would be so easy.

I really don't think it is ever a good idea to think about past relationships, especially in your position. You are married and chose to marry your wife.

Don't lose the focus and meaning of marriage. It is not just about you or your wife, it is about both of you, as a union.

So many people treat marriage as a disposable asset. Willing to let it go cheaply with little thought of the vows that have been taken and promised.

What happened in the past has happened you have a chance, an opportunity to build a happy life, a happy marriage. Concentrate on that and forget the past.