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Old 6th February 2011, 04:33 PM   #196
worldbtp
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Re: husband asked me to move out

Ciao,

Just popped in.

Ref Forever : no contact is ideal, sometimes not possible, just try and detach, mentally normally comes first, then emotionally, but gets easier with each step.

Ref marital home, if it's like Ireland, if you have left some of your stuff there, you actually never moved out. If you moved *all* your stuff out, in IRL that constitutes leaving the marital home and other party has rights to deny access. Hubby has no right to invite anyone in without your agreement, before an agreement between both if you never totally left. Splitting assets is down to history and if needed courts. Advice to me was don't leave the house until an agreement, moved half out and left for a few weeks but came back.

Nelly 5.0 album - Go
"I'm stronger now than I was when I came here"
"it's not how you hit the ground, it's how fast you get back up".

Pete.
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Old 6th February 2011, 05:30 PM   #197
Helen_uk
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Re: husband asked me to move out

I was advised by my lawyer to remain in the house while my divorce went through, it was extremely uncomfortable . I lasted around 6 months , shortly before the divorce was settled, I couldn't stand it any longer .

In the end it made no difference to the financial settlement and I could in reality have moved out much sooner. I certainly wouldn't want to be in that situation again and wouldn't recommend it .

Solicitors can advise but they aren't having to live in the situation so you have to do what feels right.

You could move back in and then he could then have the other woman round, not something you would want to witness . He could be verbally abusive ( or worse ). Of course there is also no way to go the NC route.

What do you want to do birdit ?
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Old 6th February 2011, 06:36 PM   #198
chosen
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Re: husband asked me to move out

My husband had moved out 3 years before the divorce ( I asked him to go) and it made no difference to the final settlement at all. Mind you the house was in joint names wheras I think that the house in Birdits case is in her husbands name. Maybe that makes a difference?
In our case it was only based on sorting all the joint assets and not who lived where.
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Old 7th February 2011, 10:20 AM   #199
Raymond
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Re: husband asked me to move out

If the house was in joint names there would be no problem regarding the house as it would be half each. In Birdit's position it would be what the courts decide, or if they want to, whatever they agree out of court.

If a divorce is coming up the couple are expected to separate I would have thought. I think what they may be getting at is not giving the appearance that you have deserted your husband, which is clearly not the case here.
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Old 7th February 2011, 04:47 PM   #200
birdit
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Re: husband asked me to move out

Hi everyone, we agreed a figure at the weekend. Not as much I would probably get by going to court, but I really can't deal with the emotional trauma, and there is always a risk that it would be lower than what he offered me.
So today I feel like the pain is happening to me all over again - because the finality of our situation has been brought into sharp focus as we move to conclude the legalities.
I was physically sick this morning and I feel like screaming out loud because the pain is just too much to bear.
I saw him yesterday to agree numbers and it made me realise how much I still love him and want him back, and how much I am mourning my loss. I cannot see a way forward now - I know and hope i ntime this will change. But what I fear I will never come to terms with is how quickly it all disintegrated, and how, if I had not done certin things, we would still be together. I don't see how I will ever get over that.
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Old 7th February 2011, 06:52 PM   #201
chosen
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Re: husband asked me to move out

Birdit, did you agree this with your solicitor?It does need to be done through the solicitirs (that way you wont need to see him either) as he may well be offering you far less that you are entitiled to. Also you dont have to go to court, that is just a last resort if a settlement cant be agreed after sometime, between you and him through the solicitors.
My advise is to stay away from him, and go to the solicitor and tell him what you have been offered. He will know if it is reasonable or if he is trying to rip you off.Dont agree to anything until you have seen him.
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Old 7th February 2011, 08:12 PM   #202
worldbtp
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Re: husband asked me to move out

Sounds like you are having a hard time. You will get through it. It will be hard at times - what you get through only makes you stronger and wiser.

Chosen is right. There is free legal advice, UK is I think 3-5 days wait. Citizens Advice Bureau, goto a drop in centre (immediate appt), they will make a free legal appt for you, they also give separation advice. I discussed with CAB etc then decided to keep it out the courts, but only after advice & decided I could deal discussing with partner.

When becoming single, financial security is so very important, don't ever do anything rash without properly thinking first and get someone's opinion. Clear thought can be hard when emotional, and you are going thru a big change. Be really sure whichever route you take.

See :
http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/...a_marriage.htm

Look after yourself first and foremost.
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Old 11th February 2011, 05:12 PM   #203
birdit
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Re: husband asked me to move out

PUtting legal and financial to one side for the moment..... what is now troubling me, especially reading a lot of the other posts on this forum, and other websites, is that apart from my occasional blow up, there was nothing wrong with our relationship. We were constantly affectionate, laughed all the time, were very close. This is what I just don't understand. I read about other relationships that just seemed a total disaster zone. That wasn't us. How will I ever understand? he agreed to come to divorce counselling but now because of our arguments over money, has refused.
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Old 11th February 2011, 06:31 PM   #204
Raymond
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Re: husband asked me to move out

When you were writing for advice Birdit the main problem seemed to be that when you were drunk you said things and ran him down in front of his friends. When you tried to sort that later I had the feeling that that wasn't the main problem because of his comments.

I suspect the relationship with the other woman could have been in embryo then and maybe your drunkeness was the excuse to kick you out and be available to her? Just a theory of course. Another attraction would be her money. If that is true then you were deserted, which would make him an adulterer.
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