Hi All, Life is good

[Johnee S]

Ok for those who've been on here a while have known about the many changes my life has undergone since March 2009 when I discovered my Wife's affair...

My Ex Wifey and I tried one last go in August 09 for 2 weeks, it went horribly wrong. Why I thought she would change is beyond me... some of you know about the stuff that went down Sept 2008 - July 2009. Not going to get into it. Needless to say in in late Sept I had her move back home as I packed my stuff and moved out.

Since being on my own I've relearned all about myself and concentrated on self improvements, enjoying my new life, and getting settled into change. It has been amazingly eye opening. I still see my kids any time I would like and see them often.

I ended up getting the following tattoo back on November 14th, 2009:



Towards the last week in November 09 I met a 30 yr old with a 12 yr old daughter online on Facebook... we chatted for a week or so then exchanged numbers, then met on Dec 4th. Not gonna lie there were sparks from the start with both of us. We met a couple times after that night and decided to go exclusive on Dec 12th so you could say yesterday was our 1 month anniversary.

Here are some pics of her and I:



Made this for Christmas, she loves the movie but didn't have the soundtrack, so I DLed the 10th Anniversary edition and burned it for her along with the Director's Edition of the movie for Christmas. I also gave her a white gold and diamond heart pendant and Bob Marley - Legends CD.




My GF and I on NYE 2010.

I am back to teaching kung fu weekly as well as back in the gym, still working grave yard shifts which really sucks. I get to see my kids anytime I am available as the Ex and I are still friends in an awkward sense of the word.

I am much happier as is she and more importantly our kids seem happier too despite everything that has happened the last few years. Ex started dating her current BF back in Sept. She was ready for that I still had to heal a bit more and make sure I was ready before doing so.

I really like my GF a lot and have to keep reminding myself to keep my heart in check and not fall deep as she is also new to being "in a real relationship". She had not been in a serious relationship for about 4 years, while mine was a year ago which was about 16 years (14 married). Not divorsed yet, however seeking it later this year.

Waiting on a new IT contract to sign, have my bids in 8 different ones, too many laid off IT professionals and not enough IT jobs... economy really ****ed a lot of people and their families over in all areas of employment. I am confident and patiently waiting for a better IT contract to start up, once it does I'll have a normal life as far as work hours and start making money to pay off my debts and get back into med school.

It's funny how life throws you curve balls when you least expect it. To anyone out there who believes their life is over with out their spouse, understand the following.

- What we are and who we are is not defined by you're spouce but by you alone.

- When you divorse or seperate don't think it's the end of the world, it's the start of a new one. A new chapter in your book of life.

- Dare yourself to improve the qualities about yourself that need a make over. Slim your waist line, go out and have fun, do the things you've put yourself on hold for when you had time.

- Rebuild your esteem and self confidence (it's hard to do but very empowering).

- Resolve as much self negativity as possible, surround yourself with positives and enpowerment.

- Don't sweat the little stuff, if it is not life threatening it's not worth worrying yourslf half silly about, unless you like stress and feeling sorry for yourself.

- Allow yourself to reflect and heal, don't dwell, obsess, or play the victimized feel sorry for me. These only disempower your and put you into an endless loop of self pity, depression, and anxiety.

- Believe you are more then you think you are, don't think you are; know you are.

- Set goals for yourself and be consistan with them (be realistic start small). Trust me yu will feel good about yourself moreso then by procrastinating.

- Cry when you have to, but laugh as often as you can. The more laughter the better.

- Don't surpress you're emotions, work through them. Use them as fuel to achieve your goals.

- What you dominately think and feel will ultimately manifest into your reality. Negative attracts negatives, postive attracts positives.

- Don't look for blaming this or that, simply accept, reflect, resolve, move forward.

These are all things I've had to reteach myself. There are rainbows on the horizon. You just have to go forward in life with a simple choice. That choice is to live on for yourself. If you cannot take care of yourself how will you be able to take care of others. The second is to love yourself, if you cannot love yourself how can someone else love you?

[j92cool]

Hi Johnee

I am so pleased to hear of your happiness. Gives me hope as it was March 2009 when life turned upside down for me too. October 2009 when my sis passed on. I am considering going to councelling. Not marriage but greif as I thought I was doing ok but have been noticing recently my thoughts often tend to be negitive.. Weird as I am happy too!

You and your GF look so happy.

Wishing you nothing but the best.

Cheers

Janine.

[Ageing Grace]

AG xx

[Raymond]

Hi Johnee. Glad that you are making out. I concur with your statements below.

What we are and who we are is not defined by you're spouse but by you alone. (Very true, but two together is awesome)


The second is to love yourself, if you cannot love yourself how can someone else love you? (Also true. Not a selfish love more a self respect and acknowledgment of your self worth. The opposite to I'm no good etc.)

Raymond

[georgie]

Hi Johnee, I'm so glad that you're happy and doing well. Long may it continue you deserve it! Your girlfriend looks lovely and you look great together. x

Can I add how happy I am that you've moved on in your life and that you're happy with your new girlfriend

HI Johnee

Thanks for the update.

Happy that things are working out for you. You are a good looking couple.

Take care and be happy

Hugz JB

[Johnee S]

Hi all, Thank you sooo much! After I moved out, I realy focused on me for a while and still saw/see my kids a lot and just made the choice to be happy for me. I was not allowing myself to get involved with anyone else until I knew for certain I was ready. I did not want to rebound, nor did I want to give a false impression of emotions or attraction with anyone.

I feel great! Not just because I have someone new in my life, my kids and Ex are happier, that alone made me feel better about my difficult choice of moving out. My GF and I are just taking things day by day but I am known for wearing my heart on my sleeve.

I do have one concern but it's not with her, more so with her father. He told her that he is uncertain about me having only met a couple times. He is a Christian and does not feel I am worthy, he is stubborn in his beliefs and ways, nor does he accepr what I call myself as part Christian part Buddist. Having shown my GFs sister and her father and daughter one of my tattoos (left forearm) a Koi (her sister saw it and asked to see it). The Koi represents strength and perceverience which I got done when my Ex and I split early last year. I think he took the story as literal to my beliefs which in fact is a story with a moral meaning to it.

He had thumbed through one of my books Zen Flesh Zen Bones which is a collective of Zen stories of moral ethics and values and took it as my primary belief system as I told him many of the stories I was taught as a child and I often refered to them as an equivalent to the Holy Bible. Oops he took that literally as well.

He is a very nice man who has worked hard for his family to be a great provider and worked his way up in his company. He is concerned with his 30 year old daughter being involved with a 38 yr old (me) whom is seperated after a 16 year relationship and 3 kids (daughter turned 16 last week, sons 5 and 9).

Although I am nice he just does not think I'm a good fit for his daughter... oh and he disliked 2 of his daughters recently becoming involved in relationships around the same time. Although I'm the first guy my GF introduced to her family over the last 4 years and warned me ahead of time about how her parents were. Mind you her Mom did not say the same as her Dad and appeared to be more supportive and accepting. Oh the last thing he said was I appeared "too serious" whatever that means, I guess my intensity as a person or how I view things are very different in his mind. I do believe in Christ and the Father, though I do not attend church.

I'll just be more mindful of my personality and what or how I say things, in future. My GF says her Dad's opinion matters but she still likes me and wants to be with me. I am thankful she was comfortable enough to tell me about her and her dad's talk the other night as it bothered her. That too me speaks volumes as to how she feels about me and her desire to be open and honest straight up. I just have to keep my heart in check and not get attached quickly. I like her a lot but I know it's not love yet however the potential is there.

My kids and I cherish our times together and we do a lot of things together. Our time together means everything to me and I'm visiting them tomorrow and picking them up on Friday, so excited to have them over! My Ex and I are talking more openly and seem to OK not as awkward yet still awkaward in a way. I know it's normal after all that we'd been through.

I have found myself talking with God more often and have gotten into the habit of being thankful for all the lessons, experiences, work, life, friends and family in my life. I pray that all whom i care about stay safe and happy, I pray for world peace, I pray for a better job and direction in my professional life. I also ask for forgiveness for my sins. I do this often while at work or when going to sleep. I even have a "Graditude stone" I rub when I think about all the things i am thankful for.

[luce]

Thanks for posting. This was a very helpful and encouraging thread for me to read Johnee. I am glad things are good for you.

[Johnee S]

Hi Luce, Glad to help out. Remember everything we do in our lives is based non the choices we make mentally, physically, spiritually. What we think and feel is what manifests into our lives, our realities.

On another note, my GFs Dad has come around, he misunderstood somethings, after speaking with him he realized he pre-misjudged who I am.

Originally Posted by Johnee S

Remember everything we do in our lives is based non the choices we make mentally, physically, spiritually. What we think and feel is what manifests into our lives, our realities.

I completely agree with this. I talked to my wife and asked if she finds herself "self-talking". She did and then I asked what she is saying to herself at those times and she let out that she always says "im so tired". Needless to say, my wife always feels tired. I've been doing my own self exercises to break out of my funk and worked hard on not being low. Being more confident. And I feel better. Still have bad days but still need to work on being positive all the time.

On a side note, I'm glad things are working out for you and the kids. I know it must have been tough. Im hoping I have the same strength should my own relationship goes that route.

[Johnee S]

Koliver0821 Everything we have in our lives is a result of our emotions and thoughts. Keep yourself on track and you will get there. The trick is not thinking you will, it's knowing you're already there and keeping that mind set. I to have my low days but they don't last very long. I simply ask myself what feeling low gets me vs. feeling good knowing feeling low won't last long.

Often I switch my mind set by simply choosing to empower myself and reaffirm my actions and goals. I live day by day moment to moment but I still keep my 90 day goals, my tiny daily goals, my mid and long term objectives and goals. Surrounding yourself with happy people helps reinforce your happiness. Take laughter for example, have you ever noticed no matter how much of a bad mood you find yourself in; there are some who just have to laugh and you can't help but laugh as well?

The same goes for our thoughts and feelings, when we surround our mind and heart with positives all we have is positives, we simply accept the fact there is no room for negatives. I like turning a negaive into a positive knowing there is a lesson in tere somewhere to figure out and learn from. Your words and others whom have commented inspire me to keep going and keep doing for myself and hope others will find their inner strengths and join in on "just being positive". Many blessings upon you and your famly.

Everyone has strength when facing the very things we all fear, we all have the courage to do the best for ourselves and our loved ones, we all have the capacity to love deeply and openly unto the world, and we all have the compasion to embrace and pass on the love we all have within especially to others who can use a little positive love within.