Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 20th September 2013, 12:40 PM   #481
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Husband has left!

Some do need help Chosen. Not all help has to be strings attached.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 12:58 PM   #482
Puglove
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband has left!

They did it so we could get on the property ladder as we could never say the deposit on our own. The wedding my gran paid for my mums wedding so it's something she saved for me (she didn't pay for all of it just the venue etc we still paid a fair chunk of it ourselves as we didn't want to not save, same with the house deposit it was 12,5k 7k came from my family the rest we saved. Bills etc we have always paid.
They wanted to give us a great start in life as like me they th
  Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 12:59 PM   #483
Puglove
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband has left!

Thought we were forever. They say they regret it now and if he doesn't come back they won't be doing it again we a future partner because my husband has really hurt their feelings.
  Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 02:22 PM   #484
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Husband has left!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
Some do need help Chosen. Not all help has to be strings attached.
yes I know and I would LOVE to be able to help my children buy a house, but Pugloves mother is controlling already and this has caused massive problems in the marriage.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 02:52 PM   #485
Puglove
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband has left!

She's not that bad. I get the impression he is using her as an excuse for his own behaviour. She's been a handful at times and I definitely clung to her after dad died but she's not as awful as he makes out. She's not perfect and has made mistakes but he's definitely using her as a cover up for his own selfish behaviour through all this.
  Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 03:41 PM   #486
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Husband has left!

It was natural for you and your mother to get together after such a sad loss. Most would recognise and empathise with that. He seems a bit cold crying me me after such a traumatic time.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 05:33 PM   #487
Puglove
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband has left!

He is only thinking if himself. He doesn't realise that his behaviour is not acceptable he is only thinking how he feels, what he wants. I hurt him with my attitude. I am aware if that and that's why he says he doesn't want to come back, yet he sees nothing wrong in leaving and I'm being unreasonable for not giving him his own way. He's using my attitude and mum mum as an excuse is she annoying etc yes but she isn't poison or a c word! Whatever she has done she has done out of love for both of us as she wants him to come back. She's not a huge fan is his right now but she wants me happy. But he just keeps saying my family hate him and my mum spread lies about him. Neither of which are true yet he will not let it go, and if it were true I would tell this forum but it really really isn't.
  Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 05:49 PM   #488
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Husband has left!

You have to let that go now though and move on.
Have you given him the name of a solicitor yet?
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 05:59 PM   #489
Puglove
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband has left!

I know. Not yet. I've been told to just leave it. Leave him to make the next move. He's a grown man, he needs to actually make a clear decision and take action, and right now he doesn't have much a clue. I'm still hopeful but like Barry I can have hope but still let go
  Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 07:21 PM   #490
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Husband has left!

The trouble is that when you allow yourself to hope, you will not get to that point of acceptance that is a vital part of grieving and moving on.
Until he tells you differently, then you have to accept that the marriage is over.

How will he know where to send the papers if you havent got a solicitor? How will you know what you are entitled to financially unless you get their legal advise?
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 08:27 PM   #491
Puglove
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband has left!

I've had legal advice. If he files for divorce I will receive a letter and then I will move forward.

I can't give up hope completely, I physically can't. I can move on with my life but I can't stop loving him. I need to keep reminding myself he isn't coming back. Not now and not in any future in my mind right now.
  Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 09:11 PM   #492
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Husband has left!

No you cant stop loving someone, but you do have to accept that its over when the other person has said so.
By the way, I dont know where he got that figure of 1500 for a divorce. If you get a DIY divorce, the legal parts only costs 455. However this is really only suitable when there are no children and no house etc.
In a case like yours, where there is a house, or any other assets, its more complicated, as both of you will probably need to fill in financial statements and you will need to agree on the amount that you both get from the house, or if one of you will buy the others share. Solicitors bills will depend on all these things and whether you can agree on everything. The more you disagree, the more it will cost and the longer it will take, but that figure of 1500 seems weird to me.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 09:27 PM   #493
Puglove
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband has left!

It's what his back street solicitors told him I have no idea what he has been told! I don't really intend to make it difficult to be better but I do want to buy him out of the property due to me and the dogs. If he files he files I can't stop him but I will not be bullied into doing what he wants me to do to make it too easy and I am not going In without representation. I don't want a divorce but if it happens I would rathe us have our own solicitors. I won't be spiteful. I don't know how he can file for unreasonable behaviour when I was grieving.. But I'm not going to be awful. I just want things to be fair
  Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 09:29 PM   #494
Puglove
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband has left!

Bitter not better
  Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2013, 09:50 PM   #495
Puglove
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband has left!

I just googled "cheap divorces" and then our city name, 4th one down the solicitors he has mentioned and they offer email quotations and "fixed fee divorces" so it appears he has not actually visited them at all but emailed them for a quote. He told me he went to see them "face to face" which I thought was an odd thing to say and he repeated 3 times "they are not backstreet" so I feel he has possibly stretched the truth slightly...
  Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
advice, divorce, husband problems

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 10:01 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright 1999-2020 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer