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Old 19th September 2013, 11:05 PM   #466
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

You have no reason to text him or contact him now. If and when he starts the divorce process off, then you will receive the papers. buy until them try and do things that you enjoy and go out with friends etc.
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Old 20th September 2013, 09:28 AM   #467
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I still feel loyal to him..that I'm still married and I should be a food loyal wife and stay in etc.
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Old 20th September 2013, 09:33 AM   #468
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

Good not food! I feel like I shouldn't be talking to new people especially men and other things that's deemed as cheating. But he broke our vows by leaving me! It's been 3months and he has even told me to watch our for certain men etc and find someone special! I'm really really struggling with my loyalty to him.
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Old 20th September 2013, 09:39 AM   #469
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

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Originally Posted by Puglove View Post
I still feel loyal to him..that I'm still married and I should be a food loyal wife and stay in etc.
?????????? So going out to see a film with a girlfriend is being disloyal? Joining an evening class is being disloyal? How is that?
I am not suggesting that you find a boyfriend(!) just that you begin a life without him.

My daughter is going through her marriage ending as well.
She has church, does painting classes, belongs to a choir, has a midweek fellowship group, games night one day a week with friends, is studying to be a counsellor at college one day a week, as well as working 4 full days. She has a busy lively life with lots of friends.
That's what you now need to build up friends that you can see, clubs or hobbies, interests etc etc.
How about that divorce recovery workshop? I think that will help you a lot.
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Old 20th September 2013, 09:41 AM   #470
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Puglove View Post
Good not food! I feel like I shouldn't be talking to new people especially men and other things that's deemed as cheating. But he broke our vows by leaving me! It's been 3months and he has even told me to watch our for certain men etc and find someone special! I'm really really struggling with my loyalty to him.
Watch out for certain men like him you mean?!?!You dont need to go to pubs or clubs which are largely for meeting guys. There are many far more enjoyable and helpful things you can do.
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Old 20th September 2013, 09:42 AM   #471
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Re: Husband has left!

Are you still texting him a lot.?
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Old 20th September 2013, 09:52 AM   #472
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Re: Husband has left!

That's true. I need to do something! He said watch out for men who want to take advantage because he still cares for me and worries about me...he really confuses me because if he truly cared he wouldn't be doing this to me!
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Old 20th September 2013, 09:59 AM   #473
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Re: Husband has left!

No. I have never been single in my life to be honest. I had a long term bf from the age of 15-21 then I met my husband just after! The thought of this life indefinitely is daunting.
I'm struggling with the fact a man who vowed a year ago to be by my side forever has ran and blamed everybody else, I still want him back yet I wouldn't want this to happen again especially with children.
I need to lock this in my thought diary now! I will not think of him and us and the divorce until 2weeks time
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Old 20th September 2013, 10:52 AM   #474
ronnoco
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Re: Husband has left!

I wouldn't bother setting yourself targets like "I will not think of him and us and the divorce until 2 weeks time"....it's really hard to pull something like that off as it's natural to think about these things.

A better goal would simply be "I'm going to try to focus on myself for now" if you think about him, you and him, getting back - that's fine and it's perfectly natural. I think your problem is you're beating yourself up over the fact that you still want him back when on paper, you shouldn't - stop worrying jo! - you can't think whatever you like, especially if it makes you feel better! - take the pressure of yourself!

You can only go on what has happened, what choices someone has made and what actions have occurred, and, as it stands, your husband wants out. You can only accept that decision at this moment in time and start moving on with your life. Whatever happens, happens - you may get back together, I don't know, you don't know, he doesn't know....BUT, for now, you must focus primarily on yourself. learn to be independent, be comfortable within your own skin, don't rely on someone else to make you happy, be happy yourself and have someone else will simply add to your happiness.

Look at this as an opportunity at this moment in time to grow, do new things, get control of your life, just like Barry has. He's a lot stronger for it now.
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Old 20th September 2013, 10:59 AM   #475
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Puglove View Post
No. I have never been single in my life to be honest. I had a long term bf from the age of 15-21 then I met my husband just after! The thought of this life indefinitely is daunting.
I'm struggling with the fact a man who vowed a year ago to be by my side forever has ran and blamed everybody else, I still want him back yet I wouldn't want this to happen again especially with children.
I need to lock this in my thought diary now! I will not think of him and us and the divorce until 2weeks time
You will survive, I was single mum for 6 years and my 2 older children didnt met their spouses till they were 30. They were both fully independent long before that, and now my daughter who is 32 is single again and getting on with her life. Now is the time for you to build yourself up, do things that interest you, and make new friends. The more you can do this the better emotional condition you will be in if you do meet someone else later on.
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Old 20th September 2013, 11:22 AM   #476
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Re: Husband has left!

I'm getting there.. He's just managed to make me feel very guilty. Guilty for grieving, guilty for not putting him first over that, guilty for not giving him recognition for being there for me for a few months. My therapist said last night that his love is conditional where as mine is unconditional. I still love him now etc where has he only seems to love me when things are going "right" things didn't go right or at least his view of right and he bolted, and just keeps focusing on all the negative aspects to justify his leaving.
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Old 20th September 2013, 11:25 AM   #477
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

And he called my mum the c word on Tuesday!!! He told me she was a c word! Now my mum is annoying and a bit over bearing and I've recognised that but she paid for him to go to Vegas (that was the h
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Old 20th September 2013, 11:27 AM   #478
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

*holiday, she and my gran spent hundreds on him and thousands on us as a couple paying due the wedding, most of our house deposit, stuff for the house, birthday, Christmas, funded his driving lessons that he gave up, welcomed him into their homes, treated him like a son!
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Old 20th September 2013, 11:28 AM   #479
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

And to call her a c word......it's such a harsh a childish reaction
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Old 20th September 2013, 12:26 PM   #480
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Yes it is. Trouble with parents and grandparents paying for so much, is that sometimes they expect some control over you because of it.
I think its better that the young couple are independant and pay their own bills and sort out their own finances.
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