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Old 3rd August 2013, 04:55 PM   #1
AirlineCaptain
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wife left

This entry is a bit late but I've only just discovered the site. I wish it had occurred earlier.
Having read of similar occurrences on this site I thought it appropriate to enter my own experience.

My wife of (then) 48 years suddenly elected to leave me following a 'holiday' in Europe .
Upon her return something was obviously different but I was unable to identify it very well. Gradually she began sliding away for visits to her friends and a local relative. Over time those trips became more frequent and the duration longer. Add to this the desire to clean out "old clothes" as well as dishes etc., and finally one extended absence during which I was unable to locate her.

And then the hammer dropped : she simply announced that she had "no feelings anymore" but conversation beyond that was totally stilted and one sided in that I tried to probe and understand - while she sat quietly and looked at her feet. No tangible exchange ever took place . During our marriage there were virtually no arguments, I don't drink , never wandered and we were , according to friends , "joined at the hip" . I did nothing without her. No weekends away , no "guy things" . It was / is total devotion .
But the hoped for explanation and my conclusion that this was simply a passing event, never occurred.
I immediately attended counseling , she refused. I sought guidance
from the church ,she refused. I asked for help from friends , she
would not participate.

In mid March 2013 , the final judgement was issued and I'm now
a heartbroken individual , my retirement in tatters and my life
in limbo. I begged on my knees that she not "do this" . She had no response but simply moved on.
According to law , which she well knew apparently , I have no alternative available to me. She is "entitled" to half of everything. There is no appeal under the circumstances. She has destroyed my golden years and apparently has no second thoughts.

If none of the above means little -- she also abandoned a life style that few get to enjoy AND a son , with whom she has had no contact.

As I write this I continue to live my daily life in denial but with little hope of anything changing.

And - I'm heartbroken and quite unlikely to improve . At this age I can only look forward to a somewhat foreshortened life span.....and an unwanted life as a bachelor .

Surely the vows mean more than this .
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Old 3rd August 2013, 07:08 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: wife left

Hi Airline captain. Yes the vows should mean everything, but sadly it takes two to make a marriage, and if one decides to break those vows the other is helpless to stop them.
I am assuming that she met another man?

This is devastasting but sadly not uncommon. I am not sure how she as a Christian is justifying such a deep sin, but it always amazes me the terrible things that people will justify if they really want to. Biblically she isnt free to be with/marry anyone else, because she has no reason to end the marriage, and there are always bad consequenses to this sort if action.

My husband and I are in second marriages, both having had 23 and 25 year first marriages. After the terrible upset of our marriages ending, we met each other and have never been happier, with our first grandchild born 2 days ago.
There is life after divorce but as you know its very hard to pick up the pieces when you thought you were going to be together till death parted you.

I do think that you deserve an explanation, and if she refuses to give it, then maybe the pastor or a mutual friend could talk to her and ask that at least she gives you this.

I dont know what the divorce laws are where you live, but in the Uk who gets what is usually decided on a case by case basis, and I hope that you have got a good lawyer. Its so sad for your son as well, how can a mother risk loosing contact with her child like that?

It may help for you to find a Divorce recovery workshop. Their website is DRW.org. Just to be with others who have been through similar pain helps.
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Old 11th September 2013, 03:25 PM   #3
AirlineCaptain
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Re: wife left

a belated thank you for your thoughts ...

My situation is essentially unchanged and it is quite doubtful that I shall ever receive a rational response concerning the questions that
surround my little adventure.

She is gone and I remain very much heartbroken -- but life continues and although my personal grief prevails I am fully aware that there are those in far worse situations than mine.

I have no knowledge of a second party being involved but the thought is surely realistic .

Thank you so much for your kind comments and suggestion.
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Old 11th September 2013, 04:26 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: wife left

All I can say is that at some point God will convict her of this, and she will almost certainly regret what she has done. If there is another man(which seems very possible from what you said), then it probably wont last.
She will definitely regret losing her son. Sometimes people do things that we just don't understand, and may be never will, but you can always write and ask her for honestly.

Life as you thought it was going to be has gone, but there is still life after divorce, it will just need to be different. In time maybe you will find things you enjoy doing and who knows one day you may ever meet a nice lady. It was 3-4 years before I was ready to even think of another man and another 2 before I met my husband but now we are both very happy. You are never too old to start again.
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Old 12th September 2013, 09:00 PM   #5
Raymond
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Re: wife left

It is unfair that she has not given a clear reason. Spouses get over these kinds of feelings where there is a commitment. To me it looks like another man possibly. Nearly every time that speech is given on here it turns out that there was someone else.

You must try and look up now and have hope for the future. I know it is difficult but you will get over it with the right frame of mind. Things will open up for you again if you try and resist and not say that things are unlikely to improve. They will if you let them.
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Old 24th September 2013, 02:17 PM   #6
AirlineCaptain
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Re: wife left

Please accept my most sincere thanks for your response(s) regarding my little life changing event.

I'm not aware of another person being involved but the reality of the thing speaks for itself.

Again - my sincere thanks for your comments -- I'm hoping desperately to revive my life , but at this age it is a bit difficult .
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Old 24th September 2013, 02:30 PM   #7
toellandback
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 228
Re: wife left

Hi. I'm sorry that your hurting. After recent events its amazing how tangible other people's hurt is.
I felt everything had gone, I think being alone, starting again was the most frightening thing.
But even though im 49 , I did eventually realize that it wasn't the end. Just a different story. Strangely , it was that revelation that seemed to be the catalyst for what happened next. I'm Lucky it led to reconciliation. But if it had not , I would still be standing. Hopefully, in time, you will be happy too, life surprises us all
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Old 24th September 2013, 07:12 PM   #8
Raymond
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Re: wife left

Hope protect the mind. It is important. If hope has finished in the marriage you need alternative plans. I know it's hard.
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Old 24th September 2013, 07:38 PM   #9
chosen
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Re: wife left

Yes it is hard to suddenly find yourself alone after many years. All the plans you had for the future are now gone, and you have to gradually get new ones. Try and think of things that you have always wanted to do. Visit a certain country? Take up a hobby? Learn a new subject?
Its not easy I know but the opportunities are out there for you.
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Old 13th November 2013, 06:40 PM   #10
LibraLady
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Re: wife left

Im wondering if A.C. has found solace and happiness again?
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