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Old 6th September 2013, 09:27 PM   #1
rock1853
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Am I right or is she? In-law issues.

Ok. So a couple years ago we had Christmas at her parents with all brother and sister in-law and their two boys. One of the boys is 14 or 15 and is a problem child. He constantly berates his parents in front of everyone about how dumb they are and his food is prepared right and so on. Well my well behaved 8 year old boy ended up in the basement playing video games with him. I just happened to walk past the stairs and overheard him berating my little one about how stupid he was playing and what he was doing was so dumb and so on. So I calmly go down and tell my son to give the controller to the teenager and come with me. I went and found my wife and told her "I was ready to go home now." We had been there for hours. So I was finishing packing presents in the car trunk when the teenagers parents came around the corner and asked something like "you had enough and ready to go already?" I told them that I had "caught their son speaking harshly to my son and yes was going to leave." Well that sent the brother-inlaw parent into a rage. He threated to knock my teeth out, called my many terrible names, and so on. Right in front of the rest of the family that had gathered to see us off. I was a good boy and didn't act unruly as I really wanted to retaliate. My wife and I got an email the next day from them explaining that "I should have reconsidered my evaluation of the situation and that they were sure that I had just made up the issue." Now everyone in the family knows about the problem child not just me. AND FINALLY HERE IS MY ISSUE. My wife continues to spend time with these in-laws. She tells me that I am wrong for holding a grudge as I do not go around when they are there anymore. She spends hours with them and it hurts my feelings. She knows this but claims that they are her family and chooses to act like nothing ever happened. It seems to me she is breaking her marital vows. In my opinion by spending time with them she is just giving credence to their position and not mine. I could never see myself "hangin" with people who had threated and insulted her. Am I wrong here?
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Old 6th September 2013, 10:26 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: Am I right or is she? In-law issues.

In one way I can see her point, as they are her parents and family. However I wouldnt put up with my child being treated like that either and his dads reaction was way over the top.
Does she spend lots of time with them?.Was she annoyed at the way your son was treated?
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Old 6th September 2013, 10:38 PM   #3
rock1853
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Re: Am I right or is she? In-law issues.

She sees them every other weekend or so at her mother's house. She agreed with me that this teenager has a problem and believed that he was rude to our son. Thanks for the reply.
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Old 7th September 2013, 10:33 AM   #4
chosen
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Re: Am I right or is she? In-law issues.

I think you may need to accept that they are her family and important to her, but maybe you can come to a compromise in that she sees them less often, maybe once a month? Every 2 weeks does seem like a lot.
As for the brother in law and his family, you may also need to let it go, otherwise what will happen at times like Christmas? I agree that he acted very badly and that his children did too, but we cant choose who we or our wives are related to can we. Do you still go and see her parents when they aren't there?
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Old 9th September 2013, 01:05 AM   #5
rock1853
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Re: Am I right or is she? In-law issues.

Yes I do. We get along very well.
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Old 9th September 2013, 01:55 AM   #6
chosen
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Re: Am I right or is she? In-law issues.

Why not just do that for a while, go when its just the parents there?
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Old 13th November 2013, 07:05 PM   #7
LibraLady
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Re: Am I right or is she? In-law issues.

Thats a sticky situation BUT we are supposed to cleave to our wives and husbands, so while she may not have agreed with how you felt, she should stick by how you feel and find another venue for family gatherings. OR you could all sit down as a family and talk about the incident and resolve it, move on and resume family time together.
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