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Old 5th April 2005, 08:18 PM   #1
PDXguy
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Question Anger Issue

My wife has a recurring anger problem that reveals itself when she comes home from a busy, frustrating day at work. Normally, she gets home before I do and prepares dinner. Yesterday however, I came home before she did. When she came home, she lashed out at me in anger and it turned into a fairly major argument. Her reason was that I hadn't prepared dinner. Granted, I had not, but what I was doing was very important. None of that seemed to matter to her. This kind of thing has happened several times and always turns into a big battle. Any ideas, or suggestions?

Thanks.
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Old 5th April 2005, 08:32 PM   #2
Hopeful
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Re: Anger Issue

Quote:
Originally Posted by PDXguy
My wife has a recurring anger problem that reveals itself when she comes home from a busy, frustrating day at work. Normally, she gets home before I do and prepares dinner. Yesterday however, I came home before she did. When she came home, she lashed out at me in anger and it turned into a fairly major argument. Her reason was that I hadn't prepared dinner.
Are you sure it is her anger problem? Anger is a sign of something else, never a problem in itself.

She probably thought you would be kind enough to make dinner for a change so she didn't have to arrive home, find you diddling with something else, and then have to spend her time preparing dinner in a two-income household when she probably wanted to veg out for a change on the couch while YOU treat her to dinner. But you didn't. What you were doing was more important, not her.

Ouch!

If you find yourself at home early and you can't get dinner made or at least prepared, call her and let her know. Give her a head's up and not let it be a surprise. Maybe you can at least get a few things ready or just set the table? Tell her that you will clean up after dinner since you weren't able to get to it for her. Show SOME effort, my man.

Women need to vent after work. To her, you absorbed all the venting time and left her with chores. You gave her more to vent about. You got a lashing. Next time, just bend over and get it over with. I used to get yelled at all the time for just about anything. Then I learned that women just want to vent. They aren't really interested in advice or your commentary. So, jumping into the ventilator will only chop you up to pieces.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PDXguy
Granted, I had not, but what I was doing was very important.
And nothing she does is important besides making dinner? Have you ever had discussions regarding any important things she would like to do besides make dinner for you every day?

You got some kissing up to do, my friend. If the above suggestions don't work for now, maybe bring home dinner or take her out to her favorite munchy place. More difficult to vent/lash against you in public. Ocassionally interupt her when she is talking to tell her how beautiful she looks even after a long day at work (and mean it too!). Then let her go back to venting if she wants. Just shut up and listen and admire your lovely guest.

Look! No dishes to do either.

Hopeful

Last edited by Hopeful; 5th April 2005 at 08:42 PM.
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Old 5th April 2005, 09:00 PM   #3
Hope
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Re: Anger Issue

PDXguy

Hopeful has made some very good points here.... I wish my H had been as considerate as this man! Perhaps when your wife came home feeling very stressed and even more fed up at the thought of having to then cook a meal you could have then suggested that she had a nice warm bath whilst you prepared dinner. I'm not saying that this should be the case every day but the odd occassion when a spouse has had a particularly bad day it would be a nice and loving thing to do?

Hope things sort themselves out

Hope
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Old 5th April 2005, 09:41 PM   #4
Lost-Soul
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Join Date: Mar 2005
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Re: Anger Issue

I all ways did the cooking my wife could burn water. I also did not care how dusty the house was it only took a few minutes to run round with the vac before people pitched up. My problem was some where along the line we stopped communicating. This is what you need to address not the house work or cooking there is something more basic wrong. Why do people not speak about there needs. If my ex saw this post and the others she would be horrified at how candid I had been. You need to address your spouses needs and express how you feel the modern world takes an awful toll out of people and sometimes you have to let your issues take a back seat and support them
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Old 6th April 2005, 12:50 PM   #5
Hope
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Re: Anger Issue

Lost Soul,

I'm amazed at how many men out there do cooking and cleaning? I spent 15 years of married life doing EVERY thing for my H. I cooked, cleaned, did all the chores and even at the weekends he didn't help - i even had to make myself a cup of tea! When workmen do jobs in the home or garden even they get tea made for them!!!

You are right in saying that there's obviously other deeper issues other than the dinner not being ready that need to be addressed..... the trouble is people don't seem to communicate when they're unhappy and that I will never understand.

PDXguy, you need to get her talking about what's really on her mind.
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Old 6th April 2005, 11:40 PM   #6
Hopeful
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Re: Anger Issue

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope
I'm amazed at how many men out there do cooking and cleaning?
Need any recipes? I have a homemade meatball and sphaghetti sauce recipe that will knock your socks off. I already gave Lovey my cornish hen and Benedictine Liqour recipe on another thread.

Men DO like to cook. They have to learn because many women grow up not wanting to learn the art. Men don't want to starve, so they learn from Mama or teach themselves. I taught myself. Everything from scratch, including smashing garlic cloves with fist or knife.

Do you like scallops wrappred in bacon with garlic and thyme on top?

This is getting me hungry.

Hopeful
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Old 7th April 2005, 04:00 AM   #7
Hope
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Re: Anger Issue

Hopeful,

Your recipies are making my mouth water! Its nearly 4am and I can't sleep... I've had too many things on my mind today with regard to my divorce settlement and now I can't sleep..... after reading your recipies its made me hungry ..... better not start cooking this early though!!!

Your wife is a very lucky woman!!! I'm also a good cook but then I guess I would have to be after cooking for 15 years EVERY day. Your recipies all sound wonderful.... you should be proud! I often used to think how nice it would have been to have a meal cooked by my H sometimes..... even when I was ill and couldn't cook my H would make me feel guilty because he had to attempt to cook something for him and the kids and even then it would only be oven chips and some form of junk food!

Since my H left me and I've been reading the posts on this forum its really opened my eyes to how wonderful most men are - sadly I think my H is a selfish man who also struggles to express any love. I now have a list in my mind of all the qualities I want in a man and cooking is high on the list now ....... if I find a man who can cook then I'll think I've died and gone to heaven!!!
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Old 7th April 2005, 04:17 AM   #8
squeeky
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 11
Re: Anger Issue



Yes, I agree that it is may be a deeper issue. How often do you experience these bursts of anger?

Hopeful, I want the recipe for the scallops as well as the spaghetti! That sounds really good!



My W has the very important job of staying at home with the kids so if she doesn't have anything in mind or hasn’t fixed anything for dinner, I often find myself picking through the cupboards to find something I feel like making. Sometimes it is a sandwich and soup and other times I break out and barbeque. I kind of like it. But—I have a rule—she can’t complain about what I fix.



"Something important" seems like you skated the subject and didn't want anyone to tell you that "checking email" wasn't important...



Good luck!

Squeeky
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